Friday, October 15, 2010

2 Kool 4 Skool

It used to be when a company was having problems it would simply have a layoff. In our current world of sucky economics, they have developed a whole new lingo of fancy downsizing terminology.

MFT=Modified Full Time or…………..My Funding has Tanked

CCL=Company Convenience Leave or………………..Couldn’t Care Less

RIF=Reduction in Force or…………………………..Really Incredibly F****ed

We went through a major shake-up at the slave market earlier this year and they unfortunately axed a bunch of comrades in arms. It made me realize that I needed to ensure I was on my A game so I wouldn’t be eaten like that limping wilder beast. So I decided adding a degree in Urban Planning to my background in Civil Engineering would keep me as the lead pony in the race. I know I have to be way smarter than those darn 20 year olds, right?

But gathering all my proof that I wasn’t a dummy all my life to Arizona State proves to me why kids don’t go to school and just give up. It’s not the classes, it’s all the damn red tape. I’m exhausted already, so I’m making myself a little snack to build my strength.

Guiltless Guacamole
15 ounce can white kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 tablespoon lime juice
1 jalapeno pepper seeded
½ cup fresh cilantro leaves
¼ cup coarsely chopped sweet onion
Pinch salt
1 ripe avocado pitted and diced
2 plum tomatoes diced

In food processor puree beans and lime juice until smooth and transfer to bowl. Put jalapeƱo, cilantro, onion and salt in processor and pulse. Mix all ingredients together and serve with veggies or tortilla chips.

First obstacle, extracting my high school transcripts from 1040 BC. Look here at these college transcripts, do you think I would have been allowed to attend this other college without proof positive? Naturally I tried gathering during the summer when my tiny teeny high school was closed for the break. After digging in the bowels of the basement they sent their mimeographed copies. (If you don’t know what mimeographing is, stop reading this blog and check back next week).

Next, you didn’t take this dumb English 101 class. See here Bucko, they wouldn’t let me take English 102 class without it. They just called it something different in the stone ages. Needed special English department override from Professor Smarty Pants.

But the most annoying task? Ummm, you need to show proof of having your 2, yes 2, MMR shots before you can register for classes. Really? You’ve got to be kidding me! I can certainly prove that Sheldon had her immunizations but my Mom only kept random notes we wrote to the Tooth Fairy, no proof of injections. It seemed easier to take the shots over then to try and prove I had my rabies/measles shot. Today I went to the ASU health center for shot 2 and while killing time in the holding cell/waiting room and what do I see on the end table? A giant basket of condoms with paper sacks for the taking. Awkward.

Sheldon and I will wear the scarlet robes at the same time. But I’m game, if nothing else it will certainly give me more tales for this little blog.


Emily said...

I loved your abbreviations. When I first saw "that"picture I thought that is not what it looks to be. Sure enough!

I don't mind people having sex but when they can't scrape enough money to buy their own condoms, you've got to wonder if they are actually mature enough to have sex.

Sharon Cohen said...

I was RIF'd last April and am struggling. I love your definition of the real meaning for that acronym. You lifted my spirits with RIF.

My contribution to Saturday Sampling is from my resurrected original blogspot. I'm hoping to gain some followers. I'm #15 - Hearten Soul For You

Missy said...

Did you have to prove you were born in the US? LOL

ModernMom said...

Oh how frustrating!
Hope yuo get it all straightened out:)

rachel... said...

Thanks for the reminder to NEVER GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

Oh, I totally would have grabbed those free condoms by the handfuls, but I am a sucker for free stuff. I have to disagree with Emily, though, immaturity and brokeness is exactly the reason we need to give them free condoms!

Mrs. Tuna said...

The Big Tuna suggested I should have scored by taking a bunch of condoms but I was afraid that someone killing time in the waiting room would have passed the time poking holes in them with needles. Last thing I need is to get one graduating college and have one starting pre school, shoot me now.

ModernMom said...

Thought I would come back and tell you I am going to try to make that guac tonight!