Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Boss Whisperer

As usual, our favorite postings are from when Mrs. Tuna has had way too much liquor. She has happily spent the entire afternoon/evening drinking peach sangria with her friend the Bad Bunny. Ignore all bad grammar and typos, it's the booze typing. It's possible it could end in a nip slip or something if we're not careful. Not that Mrs. Tuna's double A's have much to show for it. Likely tomorrow she will go back and make all the necessary modifications so as not to embarrass herself. 

What I should really blog about is this picture of my Future British Son In Law’s first 4th of July. But that would be wrong. Very Wrong.

Instead, I thought I’d give a bit of an update at the new slave market, Endless Engineering.  Who knew I’d be the voice of reason. One of my major assignments is Business Development. That’s a fancy way of saying beat the bushes for new work. Boss 1 and Boss 2 are polar opposites in business strategy. This is not to be confused with Thing 1 and Thing 2 of Dr. Seuss.  Instead of pulling the Cat in the Hat out of my ass, I am literally feral herding cats.  I speak Boss. I don’t even listen to what they say for the first 20 minutes of the meeting, they are certainly not listening to my amazing words of wisdom. And then getting everyone to compromise, sing Kumbaya and have a freaking group hug.  

Somehow I’ve gone from quiet engineering assignments to the queen of marketing mayhem. We keep trying on assistants to “help” me but they are such a collection of whack a doodles.  The last one came with a stripper name and a ridiculous reason for not being able to make it to the office. Sharing all of her personal secrets, like having to marry her baby daddy when she was 6 months pregnant (she included a verifying instragram as proof) within the first 3 days. I am a horrible coworker, I don’t even want to listen to your kiddie’s T Ball game or results of your pap smear. La la la la la, I can’t hear you, stop talking.  

Boss 2 slinked past her desk over to my veal fattening pen to ask if I knew what was wrong with her, her head was down on her desk. Dude, ummmm….you can’t quiz her, you’re her supervisor, I just took the job? The chicken thought I should talk to her “woman to woman”. The final straw was borrowing the company truck to get home and joyriding it all the way to Tucson.   One of their former employees shared by text, her weaving all over the freeway before getting pulled over the men in blue.  When confronted the next morning, a string of verbal diarrhea excuses.  My dad’s formula buddy was going to fix it, my husband was texting for a divorce, the dog ate my car. Whatever, we’ll miss you Bambi, Not. This week’s fare is a simple one, created by my beloved Sheldon.

Lemon Salmon
1 pound salmon fillet
Salt and pepper to taste
2 cloves garlic minced
1 teaspoon garlic seasoning
3 lemons

In shallow bowl sprinkle salmon with salt, pepper and garlic seasoning.  Cover with garlic and juice from one lemon. Let stand for 1 to 2 hours.  Slice remaining lemons and place layer on medium heat grill, place salmon on top and cover with additional slices. Cook approximately 6 minutes, flip, replacing and askew lemons. Cook until done. The way to tell if salmon is cooked is you can twist a fork in the fish and it flakes. Sheldon did this on her George Foreman girl which would likely keep those lemons in line.  

My "part time" job has been logging full time hours. No time to exercise, thus resulting in slapping back on the 10 pounds I'd lost. What is really need is for Cesar Milan to bring me one of those giant dog cones to separate me from my lover Mr. Vending Machine. I'll just gobble up my kibble and hope the diet restriction works. Sigh. Good week Team Tuna. 

Saturday, July 7, 2012

99 Bottles of Beer

I thought I was on a roll, recommitting to weekly words of wisdom and food gorging recipes. Reached the two year and 500 follower mark, and was feeling pretty darn filled with self-importance. But my little followers, you have let me down. Dead comment zone last post, was it weak writing, poor friend choice?  Sigh.  You know how sensitive bloggers are and how we need constant validation.  At this point our heroine, Mrs. Tuna, kicks the ground with her scuffed sneaker and a sulky aw shucks routine.

But today is a big day.  This little blog is hitting its 100 post mark.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve written 100,000 posts sometime 10. My original goal was one post a week, I’m not too far off the mark and only a few redundant reruns.  So today will be a little bit of a recap. Link arms with me for a stroll down memory lane Team Tuna.

A strong contender held the number one most viewed spot until recently was the "New Adventures ofthe Naughty Schoolgirl”. The key Google search words were naughty schoolgirl, cooked chicken, kill chicken, kill schoolgirl. What the hell was in that post to merit that.  It was an innocent recounting of returning to college of a middle aged woman, not some remake of Bridget Jones eating puppies for brunch.  It was knocked out of the running by “Resolutions of a 49 Year OldMuffin Top”. I am happy to report I still have not gotten a tramp stamp, had vodka or started any craft projects, so my New Year’s promises are intact.

The numero uno commented on post was my nervous first day back at Arizona State and my amazing parking spot overlooking the Men’s Diving Team practice with “Zodiac Killer”. Clap, clap, clap, dive again my handsome Adonis, triple twist my young buck…..ahem. I mean it’s important that the youth today exercise and not become couch potatoes getting fat right?

Today I tried a new vegetarian recipe that amazingly took me way less time than I would have figured.

Spicy fried corn, Sweet Onion, and Red Pepper

1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ cup chopped onion
Cut kernels from 5 big ears of fresh corn (just cut down the sides with a sharp knife, it was pretty quick).
1 red pepper dice into 1/ 4 inch pieces
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
2/3 cup cream
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/8 teaspoon chili powder
¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes

Heat butter and oil in large skillet to very hot. Add onion and cook for 2 minutes stirring. Add corn, red pepper, salt and sugar and sauté until vegetables have browned lightly or 5-6 minutes. Resist the urge to over stir so it browns.  In bowl, whisk together cream, mustard, chili powder and red pepper flakes. Pour liquid over corn stirring often until liquid is absorbed about 3 minutes.  Literally, the whole thing took me about 15 minutes to make.

But the bigger question is what even made Mrs. Tuna blog in the first place?  A few months after my mom passed away from a lengthy battle with cancer I was missing her terribly. She was a world class chef and had reinvented herself as a professional writer in her retirement.  I was afraid if I didn’t share our funny stories and her recipes I would forget all the things that made her so special to my siblings and me.  And so Team Tuna, every time you cook something from this blog, remember the inspiration of my heartfelt words and cook it with the same love it was prepared for me by my mom.

xoxoxoxo Dawn