Friday, May 25, 2012

Little Black Book

May has been a whirlwind month as it is every year. It is a combination of Mommy’s Day, congratulating ourselves on another year of swapping Wedded spit while dancing around in my Birthday suit holding glasses of sangria.  What? Like you never do that.  The next gift opportunity isn’t until Christmas, a very, very, very long way away. Feel free to send me a little something to sustain me if you wish, I can be quite the sulker if not placated with random presents.

Combined with accepting a job with Endless Engineering, flogging those whiny students and Sheldon’s upcoming nuptials I am slacking at this blog.  Fortunately, Ms. Anonymous filled in last week and things are settling down so I am back at it. I have a tried and true method for keeping track of my friend’s and family’s faux pas in order to revisit in a more ummmmm…. sober state.  It’s my little book that I jot little notes for future blogging posts. Granted it’s paisley, not black, but you get the idea. Let’s crack that puppy open and share a few late happenings in Tunaville shall we?

I finished the semester strong, despite more of those f*cking group projects. Man how I hate them as a rule, but I had one particularly challenging team with whom I was handcuffed the entire semester. I got stuck with “the couple”. It was obvious he was there on an athletic rather than merit scholarship. More interested in lazy days doing the nasty then working on their share of our 100,000 page report.  

EVERYTHING uploaded 10 minutes before class overwriting other people belabored words.   This included the final PowerPoint presentation.   My overly vocal complaints were met by HER “Don’t you disrespect me.” Really, let’s talk about disrespect, it’s a noun, not a verb girlfriend.  If I was really disrespecting you I would have called you bitch.  

Peach Breakfast Shake
1 banana
1 cup orange juice
½ cup plain yogurt
1 cup frozen peaches.

Throw in the blender and whirl. Not as good as the Peach Sangria I drank with my Sistah and Bebe last week. But I’ve been on a feeding frenzy since my birthday bash and need to get back on the diet train.

In other news, Sheldon and the Brit’s wedding plans are moving along. Date set, dress bought and venue selected. My work here is done I believe.  I don’t remember my mom helping me with this stuff, I just blindly swam along.  Sheldon calls it delegation. But they are focused on the oddest things.

Sheldon:  Mama, why can’t we throw rice at the wedding?
Mrs. Tuna:  Because the rumor is that birds eating will explode, some stupid PETA thing.  How about bubbles?
Sheldon:  The Brit and I wear contacts, we don’t want it to get in our eyes.
Mrs. Tuna: As opposed to a giant piece of rice? Chica, I’ll just buy your safety goggles you’ll be fine.

Sheldon’s fiancĂ© understands our little flower so well.  When explaining her nickname, he exclaimed that she was pedantic.  Pedantic? Can you use it in a sentence? Sheldon is pedantic.  I consider myself pretty smart but there is something about the British that makes me feel uncouth. Before you know it I will start saying things are super cute. My IQ is dropping daily
Good week Team Tuna!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Kittens Gone Wild

Sooo, Mrs. Tuna ask me to do a guest blog for her since she is slightly overwhelmed with the past few weeks of turning 50, getting a new job, flogging students for group projects and all that wedding planning. Since I am MUCH younger and will not turn 50 for another 50 days I said I would adore helping. 

Funny thing about writing this blog is I planned on putting it on word and sending it to Ms. Tuna for editing. It was then that I discovered that I do not even have Word on this computer. I have had this laptop for 7 months and never knew that. One would assume correctly that the extent of my computer use is now social media and stalking old high school boyfriends. Understand please that of the boys I dated in HS-95% are now gay. This is not a good average and I am not proud of this. Don't know if I turned them gay or I just liked handsome men.
Not sure how the new job thing is going. It involves engineering and when they start to talk about it I tend to zone out and mentally start my grocery list. I am quite content to be blissfully ignorant when it comes to civil engineering. Just make all the lights green when I am late for work. 

Her big birthday bash was great, awesome food as you can imagine. For some strange reason she got enough bottles of wine that she could open her own tacky dark wine cellar to lure 12 year old boys (or did you miss that blog?). FYI-she only drinks white so she will be re-gifting a lot of the extra reds. Me please!! And yes, I did see her add ice a few times but it is Arizona and chilled wine does not stay frosty long. The birthday party was a big occasion in Tuna town. She even went out clothes shopping which she hates to find "clothes that did not make her look fat" (she never looks fat btw).

Our nearly famous blogger has an extreme case of sticker shock about wedding venues. She has resorted to looking at settings like the Dog Park for the reception. I think her theory is that if she feeds them enough good food and wine that they won’t notice. Since I still have two kids to send away I am waiting to see how that works out. Bet she keeps some of the reds for that. 

Recently, someone left a gaggle of kittens on my porch and I knew surely no one else would bring her such an awesome half century gift. Guess I must have teased her a little too much because as of 5 minutes before the party was about to start I was still getting calls and texts threatening me with future  booze abandonment if I brought the little fur ball. Probably didn't help that Bebe brought her a gift wrapped litter box.

I did take a photo of Mrs. Tuna at the party that she actually likes. Makes her look thin and she is thrilled that she was not holding a hair ball hurler. Tastes like chicken she said.  Since the birthday party was actually on Cinco de Mayo and we are in Arizona I am going to share one of my favorite Mexican recipes. Not exactly authentic but I am a Caucasian.

Tortilla Flat:
2 can cream of chicken soup
2 (4 0z) cans of green chilies 
1 doz corn tortillas
1 large onion: diced
obscene amounts of grated cheese
cooked chicken or turkey

Mix the soup and chilies together. Lightly grease a large baking dish. Layer in this order:
Soup, tortillas, onion
, cheese, meat, top with onion and cheese. Bake at 325 until bubbly and cheese is melted

Ms. Tuna will be back soon with lots of news to share now that she is older and more mature, about to be a mother in law and is now back at the slave market. Thanks for your patience!
Ms. Antonymous