Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Social Tourette’s

So I know you’re all thinking, “what the heck, why only one lonely post by Mrs. Tuna this month”. For somebody on school break and unemployed I’m so ridiculously out of time.  The final grades as an Urban Planning rock star are finally in. I ended the semester with a wait for it, wait for it, 4.33 GPA. As an unemployed somebody I had lots of time to do all those stupid extra credit projects.  


Since I can’t land a full time job as an uncover recipe blogger I’ve decided to translate my mad skills into a new venture. That’s me, freelance engineer by day, blogger by night. But as you all know, I’ve got Social Tourette’s. My ability to fill vocal airspace is second to none, I can converse with the generally awkward and the smarmy sales forces.   This is similar to Verbal Diarrhea except I shout things out rather than babble endlessly.  

I’ve spent the last two weeks running around setting up an LLC, a business account and a fab webpage extorting my skill set.  


  • Itty Bitty Consultants  provides services to supplement your engineering and planning needs.(Hidden Meaning: since you’ve laid everybody who’s not upper management off, you might need someone who can actually produce work).
  • We have more than two decades in the public and private engineering industry and bring experienced staff to facilitate the success of your project. (Hidden Meaning:  Yeah, I’m old, I’ve bit at this sh*t a long ass time. I would have accurately reported it at three decades but you would have viewed me as washed up and bitter).
  • Every project is important, whether it’s small or large, and its success hinges on the “behind the scenes” efforts which are crucial to ensure that projects run smoothly. (Hidden Meaning: We’re not proud, we’ll design your tiny teeny parking lot or your 9000 lot master planned community. Shoot we’ll pick your kids up from daycare if the price is right).
Here’s a little glaze recipe to go on your Christmas Ham.

Currant-Mustard Glaze
6 ounce jar red currant jelly (this can sometimes be hard to find, I’ve been successful at Safeway)
6 ounces Golden’s mustard
1 can pineapple rings
1 jar cherries
Cloves
1 Ham (this should be obvious)

Trim excess fat from ham and score. Place on rack in shallow baking dish. In small saucepan combine jelly and mustard and heat over low flame until simmering. Remove from heat. Put pineapple rings on ham and affix with cloves. Place cherry in center of each ring. Pour glaze over ham and cook according to weight. Save some of the glaze to put on the table like gravy.

I’ve organized Sheldon’s old bedroom into my corporate headquarters. If I could get the Total Gym out it would be the perfect space.  Maybe Chuck Norris will stop by and show me the proper technique so I don’t end up strangling myself by accident.  At least my new coworkers seem pretty nice and laid back.



The food orgy know as Christmas is this weekend. Me? I’ll be in Yuma, I’m sure a redneck post will follow. Have an amazing holiday everyone!!!

PS Don't forget to Like Mrs. Tuna on Facebook


57 comments:

Ami said...

Well... except for the cloves it sounds pretty good. I have a visceral hatred for cloves. It's not rational, but it's mine.

Love your co workers. They really do look laid back and easy to get along with.

Kara said...

I also have my own business so I well understand the work that goes into it - but the rewards are worth it. Best of luck with your new company!

oceangirl said...

Congratulations Mrs Tuna, on all fronts! Happy holidays and Merry Christmas.

MOV said...

Hi Tuna,

Love the "hidden meanings" that abound here. (A word of caution: the co-workers don't look laid back so much as LAZY. Beware, my friend: I have worked with that type before, all was hunky-dory fabulousness until they go and steal one of your brilliant marketing ideas and claim it as their own. Just sayin'.)

As for the Total Gym being in your work space, maybe you can incorporate it somehow and be in the best physical shape of your life? Return a phone call, knock out a couple of sit-ups, draft an email, do some lat pull-downs. You get the idea.

Have a Merry Christmas! (and tuna, if you allow yourself to give me your direct email so i can contact you, uh, directly, I can figure out a way to send you a free copy of my new book. You will laugh your head off, that is unless you have totally firmed up the neck and shoulder area so much from all the Total Gym maneuvers. Seriously, let me know your email. No spam-- I promise).

best,
MOV

Bouncin' Barb said...

Great post Mrs. Tuna. Not only can you cook but you're very smart. Congrats on the grade. That truly is awesome. Good luck. Merry Christmas!

LOLA said...

My Dear Mrs. Tuna,

Those are the best co-workers ever. Be sure to put a bed for yourself in the home office. No office is complete without a bed for the dogs to sleep on when Mama takes a nap.

Love,
Lola

Anonymous said...

LOL it's all fun and games till one of those co-workers gets a little gassy from their late lunch...
Good for you on the LLC! Congrats and can't wait to hear what 2012 brings for you.
A 4.33- VERY nice. You should be obnoxiously proud:)

Happy Holidays!
Tracy

Kristina P. said...

I don't even really know what currants are.

My friend has a neighbor with two dogs. Their names are Chuck and Norris.

EmptyNester said...

Now those are some wonderful co-workers you have there! Total gym = total pain. Right? LOL Happy Holidays!

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I happen to have the type of co-worker at my home office, too! He wags his tail and obeys my requests obligingly. The only thing he can't do is make me a martini at 5pm, but I'll keep him on the payroll anyway!

Congrats on the 4.0 and Merry Christmas!

Mrs. Tuna said...

Is it weird that Fed Ex just dropped a bottle of wine for a blog review addressed to Mrs. Tuna?

Anonymous said...

Does The vineyard know that you use ice in your wine? It will be our secret. I will call you next week when you get back. Ms...

Val Thevictorian said...

Wait! What do you mean, "excess fat"? That's why it's a ham. What's next, trimming the fat off of fatback? Has the world gone mad?

Online Parenting Class said...

you have such cute workers =)

Mark said...

I don't know about your Temp workers. They don't look very motivated to me.
Have yourself a very Merry Christmas.
mark

Shawn said...

Merry Christmas to Team Tuna!

I poured a cup of coffee, sat on the couch ( have a kitty on my lap) and read your last posts! Congrats on the grades, loved your letter to the tooth fairy and thanks for the recipes!
Hopefully, we will all get back to blogging after the holiday's.
Last night Mother Nature dumped 7 inches of snow and it's still coming down.
Enjoy your Christmas and have a fantastic 2012!

Mommie Dearest Strikes Again said...

4.33?? That's awesome! Congratulations....and Merry Christmas!

WhisperingWriter said...

I hope you have a fabulous Christmas!

momto8 said...

Ha! Loved your post..congrts on those grades.wow! we're having ham too...yum!

Stephanie said...

I'm suffering from Tourette’s too. I thought my filters just quit working - isn't that the definition of Tourette's?

Good going on your grades. Good luck with you LLC!!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

My favorite kind of coworkers. Congrats on the grades and good luck with the new venture!

Have a Merry Christmas : )

Kernut the Blond said...

Congrats on the new venture! Best wishes for great lucrative success!

And a Very Merry Christmas to you and yours!

dbs said...

Speaking of redneck posts, have you googled the redneck wineglass?

Camilleta said...

Cutest co-workers EVER!!!

pbquig said...

I loved this. Your co-workers have the appropriate laid back approach. Good luck in your venture.

Leroy Coffie said...

followed you through Friday blog hop

Hilary said...

love the hidden messages.. have a wonderful holiday

Sandra said...

I like your new co-workers. Plus you know they won't pee on the toilet seat or worse, clog the toilet. Looking forward to hearing about the new venture Smarty Pants with the frou-frou 4.33 GPA...sheesh...you act like that's a big deal...

Andrea said...

I love how the recipe follows all of the businessy stuff. All of that work talk was making me hungry...or just making me stressed that I should do something with myself...either way, I will be needing food!

Laoch of Chicago said...

Very nice job at school!

Kelly said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Lovin' the doggies in the photo! Now, that's the life, lol.
Liked U on FB!
Happy New Year:)

http://babyfeetandpuppybreath.blogspot.com/

Erin O'Riordan said...

Congrats on your amazing GPA!

I'm not a ham eater, but the glaze recipe really looks good.

Craziness abounds said...

Congrats! That takes a lot of dedication to get such amazing grades!
As for Chuck... if he stops by send him my way would ya? I need some muscle.

Jojo said...

If only all co-workers were so laid back! Have a get trip, congrats in the grades and happy new year!

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

I glazed my first ham and it actually turned out! I'm soooo excited. I swear that made the holidays even brighter :0) Now my husband thinks I'm getting better at cooking--I need to make a new resolution for 2012 lol

Thanks for always sharing such great recipes.

Saturday Sequins said...

Cutest. Coworkers. Ever.

And now a sentence with more than one word! I love your hidden meanings. Please, tell me you're actually including them on the webpage? ;)

-- Sarah, visiting from FTLOB

ADoC said...

Maybe my unemployed ass should follow in your footsteps and look into doing my own thing... right after I finish making your home-made Bailey's recipe that is.

Kristy said...

Nice, a redneck post from Yuma? Sounds awesome!

Shauna Nosler said...

Dang ... wish I would have had that a few days ago - we had ham (and a gazillion other calories) and it was so frickin good I'm considering not caring about how much I weigh any more :) Hey ... really just stopping in to say Happy Holidays :) Hope you are having a great time with family and friends!!

Kimberly said...

Chuck Norris can glaze my ham any day...
Wait..
Did I just say that out loud?
I haven't had ham since 2006. Long story short, got stuck in a hurricane in Mexico. Locked in a hotel room with 12 other people...ham was all we had...diarrhea abound...and one toilet.
Nuff said.
PS. You crack me up. Smarty pants you.

Romina Garcia said...

Someone else made the Christmas Ham this year, but I didn't eat enough of it so I am contemplation cooking another one just for us. Thanks for the recipe - I'll try your glaze since the last one I cooked didn't really turn out! All the very best for the New Year!!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I hope your new venture proves wildly successful! I sure like the sounds of that glaze too!

Susan said...

Wow! Good luck to you! Sounds like you have a plan!

Julie said...

I was going to compliment the dog on the left for her reckless abandon, then realized that's pretty much how I sleep, too.

And I didn't want to pat myself on the back.

So to speak...

Cheers to a successful 2012 full of reckless abandon. And stuff.

Artful Communication - k~ said...

Great side notes on the job descriptions, made me laugh out right! Congrats on the grade too, no matter how much time you have to do whatever it is you do, it shows that you have the strength to focus, and the mental agility to make it work for you ;-) Happy 2012!

Steven said...

You had me at 'verbal diarrhea'.... ;)

Jennifer Wilck said...

Love this! Great post.

Cupcake Murphy said...

Those look like my dog Cooper's cousins. Especially the one in full spread honch position.

Word Nerd said...

I work for myself, too. Be careful. That's the quickest route to have a slave-driving boss. ;O)

beachlover said...

Looks like you hit the jack pot with "easy going" co-workers!

I really enjoyed reading this, appreciating your honesty and sense of humor! Good luck to you and Happy New Year. (I'm not a Redneck ;)

Gill Mojo said...

Cool post, interesting read, and I'm liking the look of the recipe... May have to bring Christmas forward a bit to try it out :o)

Jenn said...

Your "co-workers" seem to be slacking--just a tad--on the job there. Never the less--recipe sounds good!! I must give it a try!

Cheers,
Jenn
http://www.wine-n-chat.com

The Frizzy Hooker said...

The side notes were hilarious. I would love to see that on a resume.

The Frizzy Hooker said...

Oh forgot to add. Social tourettes is fine. But You don't want to be vocal masturbater...

Nicki said...

I have similar co-workers. They're really relaxed until one or the other finds a squeaky toy or begging to go outside. Then I start longing for the corporate water cooler...

The Loerzels said...

That glaze makes me wish I liked ham! And that company makes we wish I loved engineering stuff, but I don't. But you made me love reading about stuff I don't even like and strangely, I loved it.

The Empress said...

Yeah, I know.

I either go overboard and kill it with stupid dead air filler, or I overcompensate for the last bout of verbal diarrhea and just clam up.

What the heck, right?

xo