Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Stocking Box

Sorry, sorry, sorry, I’ve been fixating on stupid things like Public Participation Techniques and Canberra-A New Vision of Urban Form. I’ve had no time to leave witty comments on your blogs and as we all know, if you don’t give you don’t receive.  Fracking Finals are over, I’m just waiting for them to post my end of term grades to reconfirm that I too can be a card carrying smarty pants. Move over Sheldon, mommy has a 4.11 GPA. I completed my group projects with a minimum of bullying. One a-hole who missed every team meeting was snarky enough to actually say, “well some of us have jobs”. He’s lucky I didn’t give him a major wedgie and pull his tighty whiteties  over his head.  



But now it’s time to get into the holiday spirit, spending money I don’t have on crap no one really needs. As many of you may or may not know I grew up the middle of the pack of seven ruffians.  There is only an eight year distance between the oldest mal content and the itty bitty Christmas baby. There was one year that we were all teenagers at the same time. Shudder.  My parents swore they had electric shock therapy to block out the good, the bad and the ugly.  

With so many of hooligans my parents devised a system of spreading their monopoly money around to make the day special. They invested their efforts in filling our stockings with a variety of doo dads. The rule was we could not go downstairs until the parents who toiled until midnight got up. To keep us busy they loaded up boxes to hold all our treasures rather than a simple stocking.  It would hold the usually candy and underwear but it was filled with little personal things for each of us.  Books and puzzles. Gold hooped earrings and new horse brushes. Little miniature animals to add to my growing collection. 

As we got older, we passed this tradition to include our own children and spouses.  But it’s officially out of control, the Big Tuna gets things like beer and slinky nighties for me to model and some wrench that is more like a Swiss army knife.  We spend more money on filling the stocking box then we spend on actual presents. It’s a goal to fill them to the brim and bring squeals of joy . This week we have a special recipe, homemade Bailey’s. Yum!

Homemade Bailey’s Irish Cream
3 eggs
1 ½ Tablespoon chocolate syrup
1 can eagle brand evaporated milk
1 pint half and half
1 cup blended rum
½ cup dark rum

Combine ingredients and blend on high. Serve over ice. This receipe is a heck of a lot cheaper than the original and tastes just as good.

But it is a time of family, where we instantly fall back into our juvenile roles on days of our misspent youth. Playing endless games of remember when. The holidays always create flashbacks to embarrassing stories that we can trot out to various existing and potential in laws for maximum mortification.
  • Like the time 14 year old Marky Mark got busted for stealing the copper down drain off the church. Apparently, God forgives if the price of precious metals is high enough.

  • Or the time an underage brother got busted for carrying beer. When queried by the coppers he gave up an older brother pretty darn quick. This resulted in a $50 fine, my mom was so irritated for the tattling she made them split the cost.

  • Or the time an older sibling took me the movies to see Woody Allen’s “Everything you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask”. Well apparently I was asking lots of questions, in a very loud voice,  not at all phased by desperate shushing pleadings.   I’m lucky the men dressed as swimming sperm didn’t scar me for life.

Or the recent recounting of the Tooth Fairy. When going thru my mom’s things we came across a sweet letter from my Sistah addressed to Fairy Dust Lane.



Dear Tooth Fairy, I am sorry I lost my tooth. If you don't believe me you may ask one of your closest friends Mrs. Aldorf Smith. Yours truely, Ruth

As I recalled that she was always a bit of a suck up and wondered if I too had penned a begging letter, my brother Pauly  said, “I bet it said Bitch, we need more dough” And sure enough further in the stack was mine.



 Dear Tooth Fairy, I think we should have a raise in our tooth money. I think a half a buck would be all right. Sign, Dawn

No one ever said I was very subtle.  Hopefully Santa will overlook my naughtiness and fill my Stocking Box with wine and cheese. Happy holiday Team Tuna! X0X0X0

PS Don't forget to like Mrs. Tuna on Facebook. 

45 comments:

Kristina P. said...

These are the times I wish I was sentimental. I don't save anything like this, but I sort of wish I did!

Mamma has spoken said...

Tooth fairy story so made me laugh in that I remember when it was great that we got a quarter instead of a dime! Now I have students tell me they get five, ten, twenty dollar bills. I tell them what I got and they never believe me.
I so know what you mean by the stockings! I still fill the stocking for the sons and you're right, it's not cheap. Beef jerky, car crap, odds and ends really do add up big time!

Ami said...

Ack. Is it that time of year already?

Val Thevictorian said...

It's hard to type, because I'm still shaking from that "all teenagers at one time" part. I like the box idea. I always overshop on stocking stuffers, and have to make a pile under the stocking. But really, who can resist a moose that poops candy? Or a little gun that shoots tiny pigs. And of course the brother needs his own weapon for retaliation, and there's nothing cuter that plastic crawling babies flying through the air in the heat of battle.

Kimberly said...

Love this! Finding childhood writing by myself or my siblings is always fun. And your parents should be canonized if they survived seven teenagers simultaneously. Seriously.

blueviolet said...

omg, I spend more on stocking stuffers too!

Laoch of Chicago said...

I hope your stockings will come filled with the most sybaritic items imaginable.

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Wow! My Mom was scarred by 3 teenagers at one time.

I hope you get a big box of wine. Ummm, not necessarily a "box of wine". You know what I mean?

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Ha! I got off easy. My four siblings tortured the mess out of each other and all left by the time I was 9. I love listening to their stories.
Hope you get a fridge box full!
Happy Holidays : )

Bouncin' Barb said...

Great post. Love the idea of stuffing the boxes instead of stockings. Really sounds like fun. Man your parents were busy having all you kids! haha. Happy Holidays!

KSK said...

:) Hahahaha! I love the tooth fairy letters!

Angie said...

The fact that you still have these letters makes my day! I will say that the the Tooth Fairy's closest friend threw me for a few minutes. I wondered who this Mrs. Smith was and if she maybe knew my Mom. My mom was pretty tight with the tooth fairy back in the day, ya know. :)

I love the small Christmas present stocking stuffer box! We do something similar at my parent's home. The kids love hearing Santa's sleigh bells and the knock on the door. Watching them be excited just makes it impossible to be a grinch!

Stephanie said...

Seven teenagers at once - it boggles the mind. As I'm sure it did your parents. Are they still sane?

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I am just loving that name Alsdorf. Those letters are hilarious; Mrs. Tuna had good negotiation skills honed at an early age!

PS. Kudos on the GPA and not punching that fellow d-bag out for not attending group.

LOLA said...

You can receive without giving when you're loved. And you are.

Love,
Lola

alaina said...

My siblings and I (4 of us altogether) never followed that rule about waiting for the parents to get up. My parents would get so mad!

Julie said...

Mrs. Aldorf Smith's a ROCK STAR.

One of the tooth fairy's closest friends?

That's awesome. And worth half a buck raise.

At least.

Nicole said...

I could really get into a stocking box. I love a competition. Especially at the holidays where all that stress just needs a pissing contest to make it pop.

Hilary said...

4.11? WOO HOO... I didnt even think that was possible!

Cajunlicious said...

Love those notes, too cute! I always spend too much on stocking stuffers.

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

What a wonderful idea for Christmas morning!

P.S. I can't wait to try that recipe :) You always share THE BEST recipes :0)

Kara Muller said...

Congratulations of finishing the semester with such great marks! I'd say you more than deserve a box full of wine and cheese.

Shauna Nosler said...

OK ... I have a horid sinus infection and when I first read (cause my eyes are so watery) blend on high (for the rec'p) I thought i was supposed to cook it on high on the stove ... I best go to bed now before I burn down th ehouse!

Pamela Hutchins said...

LOL, subtle is for wimps. Loved it. Happy Holidays!

Kristy said...

Group projects got done with a minimum of bullying. Love it!! That pic you have below - wine a bit you'll feel better - that is one of my fridge magnets!

Sandra said...

4.11...I don't think I can like you anymore. You've given me a huge inferiority complex. I just got my exam mark back, the same exam I did last year because I failed the effin course. I got 78.48%....what the hell is the 0.48% for? TO further reinforce to me that I'm not capable of a solid 79%.
But you, Miss Smarty Pants, I drooled at the 4.11!

Anastasia said...

Mmmm bailey's. Too bad I am at work, or I might partake!

Gene Pool Diva said...

Homemade bailey's and square cardboard stockings. Mrs Tuna, I idolize you!

Charlotte said...

I love the box stockings idea. So clever. The tooth fairy letters were so much fun.
Just stopping by from BPOFW.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Mmhmm love Bailey's...congrats on your GPA...move over Sheldon!

Jean | Delightful Repast said...

Now Mrs Tuna, given the comment you just left on my post about eggnog, I'm surprised at *this* recipe! :) That Homemade Bailey's sounds pretty thick to me!

Mrs. Tuna said...

Ah Jean, the rum cuts the "thick" not like egg nog.

SassyModernMom said...

Oh I love your boxes!! Somehow we have ended up with "Bags of Crap" Yes, I said bags of crap. What started as a little joke with a small little gift has turned into who can give the biggest most unuseable piece of junk to Grandpa and make him laugh until he cries. It's funny, but spendy!

momto8 said...

funny! I know where you are coming from! some things in our house could actually be blackmail. I am a new follower from the hop

SJB AKA SUE J-B. said...

Hi, I am your new follower via Social Sunday.

http://www.sjb-myphotopage.com/

The Empress said...

Homade Bailey's will turn anyone into an alkyholic.

Lip smackin deliciousness.

I'm home all night, feel free to run it over anytime. I've got the bag of ice, and the time.

xo

Romina Garcia said...

I think this may be my favourite recipe so far. It may or may not be because I plan to get stinking drunk this Christmas in order to deal with the inlaws. Merry Christmas x

Vapid Vixen said...

Subtlety is for suckers! Ask for what you want! This was a really sweet post, I liked it. But the "some of us have jobs" dude? After pulling the tighty whities over his head, be sure to shove them down his throat as well.

Shell said...

Going to have to try that recipe!

The Tooth Fairy has been crazy busy at my house lately.

Cookie's Mom said...

Loving the stocking box idea. One of my favourite things is picking up little stocking stuffers for people. I stop only when I think I have more than enough things to fill a stocking. What fun I could have with a whole box!!

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

P. S. I just gave my dad this recipe. We're so excited to try it :)

Susie Clevenger said...

I love the stocking box idea...I am making cd's of some cassette tapes I found of the girls..something money can't buy...I am going to have to try the Bailey's recipe...One way to add some Christmas cheer :P

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Sew Surprising said...

Love your blog :) those teenage stories gave me a few flash back moments hahahah ah who would be that young again ;)

Nicki said...

Homemade BAILEY'S? My God! It's brilliant!