Sunday, January 30, 2011

What’s Your Sign my Little Zodiac Killer?

As a rule I don’t read my horoscope, sometimes vaguely checking it depending on how many stars they say my day was going to have. Never read anything less than a 3 star post, that would just be wrong. The first day of classes at ASU was ranked as a four star day, I chanced it.

Taurus-You are a learner, remember this, even when you feel like standing still in what you already know. Translation: Don’t spit on the 20 year olds, they may spit back.



But ASU f*cks you coming and going on random fees, parking permit…….$850 a year, Sheldon and I are sharing this little ransom pass. But it is the MOST amazing parking space. It overlooks the men’s diving team practice. Clap, clap, clap, clap, dive again my handsome Adonis, triple twist my young buck...ahem, I mean it’s important that the youth today exercise and not become couch potatoes getting fat right?

Wandering around campus made me feel like the uncoolest, unhippest, matronly woman on the planet. Usually when comparing myself to the same age plaintiffs on Judge Judy I think I’m holding up pretty well. Now I’ve gone from being the girl in high school that was eleventy feet tall to the woman who is eleventy years older. There is no way to compete with their player hair and bare midriffs. They just sucked all the pretty out of me. Gotta get me some spanks, that is a given.

My over control freak tendencies enabled me to show up with my color coordinated folders and sharpened number 2 pencils ready to roll. Glancing around I am easily the oldest of 450 students. As I had just driven straight from the salve market I was dressed as the middle aged professional that I am. I hiked up my control top pantyhose, mostly to hold in my fat, ready to absorb to finer points of Urban Planning. It’s an iPad versus iTampon world.

One class is an online adventure. Students are required to post their points of view on a discussion board about challenges facing third world countries. In every single post they were “shocked”. No one was surprised, upset , stunned, shaken, dismayed. Could it be that Mrs. Tuna is the only one who knows how to use a Thesaurus? Here’s a little something to hold you over until next week.

Microwave Spaghetti Carbonara
8 ounces spaghetti
10 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
3 tablespoons butter
¾ cup grated parmesan cheese
3 eggs

Cook pasta conventionally while microwaving bacon until done. In 2 quart casserole dish, microwave butter until melted. Mix in cheese, eggs and bacon. Drain pasta and add to casserole dish. Toss with cheese mixture. Microwave on high 2 to 4 minutes or until eggs are set, tossing every minutes.


I however am doomed. One required class is called “Cities and Cinemas”. Basically, you watch movies and write papers based on Urban Planning concerns. Really, Julie & Julia qualifies for this? I kid you not. My problem is I cry at movies and sad TV shows. I wept so much when George’s dad died on Grey’s Anatomy I gave myself a migraine. I cry every time at Homeward Bound when the dog falls in the hole, know he gets out, but nonetheless, big mascara stained tear tracks, this is going to be ugly. But I am a Taurus, I am not full of Bullsh*t, bring it.

67 comments:

myevil3yearold said...

I think the parking space was worth $850

Pamela said...

Kudos to you for going back to school. Ignore those midriff-baring "players" and enjoy the view from your parking space;)

dbs said...

I wish I was in one of your classes. That would treat my life. Be proud of yourself. You're way smarter than 3/4 of those "shocked" students you attend with.

Marie said...

First of all, I think it's neat that you've gone back to school. I worked and went to school part time at night so I know how hard it can get at times.

Second, how cool that you get to see the men's swim team :-) My son takes swimming lessons and one of his teachers last year was just wonderful to watch -- made sitting there waiting during the lesson so much nicer :-)

And third, I get all misty and cry at things easily also and I know just the scene you mean in Homeward Bound. I refuse to watch that movie because of that scene! It makes me cry every time -- yes, I know he gets out and they all get home -- but the tension just kills me!

This is my first visit to your blog (I'm a new follower) but I loved your post -- it made me smile which I needed tonight -- thank you!

Tracy said...

Being one of the oldest ones on campus has its benefits. The professors will actually listen to your comments. And maybe you can broaden your fellow student's vocabularies.

Sandra said...

You absolutely are the only one who knows how to use a thesaurus. I`m a student with 20somethings, and they're lack of vocabulary stuns me. Unfortunately, I've picked up the saying "super cute!" and I think my IQ has dropped a few points.

LottieSpartacus said...

As an English teacher I can say that many younger people have honestly never seen a thesaurus! It is astounding (and shocking!). They are amazed when you introduce this phenomenal device to them!

Red Nomad OZ said...

I bet you're the only one who can spell, too - especially when the words have more than 4 letters ... I wouldn't be showing anyone anything (like the spell check, or thesaurus) - that'll ensure you've got the edge!!!

AND ... I'm not sure I'm following what the problem is - that diving team has just GOT to cancel out any downsides!!!

I'm So Fancy said...

Well, I am also shocked. But impressed and amazed at your commitment to education. And men's diving. x

Snuggle Wasteland said...

At least you have that visual reinforcement to keep showing up to class. :)

PS Spaghetti carbonara is one of my faves! No wonder I have to wear those spanx.

Camille said...

'Player hair' has got to be one of my favorites that you've ever said....it still makes me crack up. You will rule the school by the end of this semester....hold tight!

Facing50Blog.com said...

Great post.
I feel your pain...when I trained to become a personal trainer I was the oldest person there. It had its perks though... all those gorgeous men in tight shorts learning to do exercise classes :)
Thank you for the recipe - it is my favourite dish too. I shall definitely be cooking this tomorrow...tonight it's readymade haddock pie (barf!)

The Zadge said...

I'm a Taurus too, through and through. Stubborn, inflexible, prone to luxurious extravagence, emotionl and damn good looking. That's what we are!

blueviolet said...

The funny thing is that I went to college with the likes of you and I resented you for making the curve so tough for me! LOL

Now I stand up and applaud you!

Kernut the Blond said...

LOL I remember when I first went back to college at an "older than 20" age. I was old enough to have been the mother of many of the disinterested kids. However, I was close to the same age as most of my instructors. This is a total advantage and you have it! Many of the kids seemed disinterested in class. I, however, chose to be there and paid attention, made eye contact, asked intelligent questions (and didn't repeat the word "shocked" LOL).

But that parking fee sucks salty nuts.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Bloody hell, I think you are a trooper for going back to school. You will whip all their asses when it comes to graduation.

I want a parking spot overlooking men diving. It is shit that we aren't all created equal!

The recipe sounds yummy but I don't have a microwave, so I will have to buy one in order to make it, which means the meal will cost around £40.00 per head. Hang on a minute? Why don't I have a microwave? I am a barbarian!

Stephanie said...

I agree with myevil3yearold - that parking spot is definitely worth $850!

My Big Secret Blog :) said...

I'm a Taurus as well. Mrs. Tuna, school can be mad even at my age. I am incredibly impressed that you are going to school again. Do not care about the dumb idiots there. You are TERRIFIC! Stay as awesome. :)

Missy said...

I cry at commercials! Movies put me in a state of Ugly, Loud, Slobbing Crying! Good luck with that!

Nicole said...

If any punks give you lip, treat them like the svelte, wrinkle-free vermin they are.

Also, I'm going to make Microwave Spaghetti Carbonara as an after dinner snack. Pass the Spanx.

Marla said...

I am shocked at your level of funny. Jealous and shocked.

Stacy Uncorked said...

Now that you've made the foray back into the educational system, please don't resort to writing with abbreviations, 'k? ;) You GO! At some point you'll be the 'cool kid', because you know everything they don't. :)

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Age will be an asset. You won't waste your brain power wondering if the swimmers are watching back while you get to enjoy them and look good using better words than "shocked".

CityGirlChic said...

oh, this post is the best!!! I love your word description of your visit to campus... I too feel your pain, I'm a student at 29 in a world of 19-23 year old's.. my only saving grace, I'm pretty short and can pass as a "senior" which makes me seem sorta cool and experienced to the youngsters..

TexaGermaNadian said...

Homeward Bound is my downfall too. I hope the semester continually gets better for ya :) Hopped over from FTLOB, and really glad I did!
http://texagermanadian.blogspot.com

Bella Michelle said...

Well, when I went back to school just a few years ago I was the oldest chicky in class but wore the highest heels to graduation...that stands for something, right?

julie said...

iPad vs. iTampon world?

So funny I almost WISH I had my period right now so I could decide which one I am.

Almost.

Toesthattwinkle! said...

I found you on the blog hop and now Im following you! Please check out my blog and follow me, http://toesthattwinkle.blogspot.com/ I also wanted to say how much I love your blog and reading the posts!

Frogs in my formula said...

What a great line--sucked all the pretty out of me. I must borrow that. I'm sure you looked fabulous next to all those sparkly Pop Tart people.

suz said...

Hi! Great blog, and I don't even cook! Love your attitude, and your dog (does she smell like a sewer? Mine does - classic lab!) Thanks for visiting my blog!

1 Funky Woman said...

Just remember that one day those bimbo bare wasted sticks with boobs will have rolls and saggy boobs some day! You go girl. You are Taurus and they will hear you roar!

xoxo

Megan

Mamma has spoken said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!
OUCH to price of a parking space. And I was bitching because the sons college parking permit was $150 a year. No diving team, and you have to fight to get a good spot but at least 700 dollars less that yours. One son took the same class your are talking about: he watched movies and wrote how they had to do with something. He said it was one of the easiest classes he had ever taken.

Manzanita said...

I was always the oldest too because I went to school forever..... worked classes inbetween kids schedules. I don't know about even thinking of competing with the bare midriffs but if it's important to you.... show your belly button. I bet yours is far superior to theirs. And as a Taurus, you got beauty AND brains.
Love and Peace

Ms Bibi said...

Just think about the upper hand you have on all of them....you know what happens next. They still have their dreams and misconceptions about the real world.They will lose their pink colored glasses soon enough.

Michelloui | The American Resident said...

I too was what the Brits call a Mature Student a few years ago. I was only in my mid-30s and looking pretty good if I do say so myself... until I walked on campus. I was at best invisible.

Marnie said...

I'm a Taurus too. That parking space is expensive, but at least you get eye-candy out of it.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Just think Mrs. Tuna, in our day we had a big old Thesaurus sitting on our bookshelves. Now it's on-line. Those kids should be able to google a synonym in like 10 seconds. You'll kick butt.

Hilary said...

The parking pass sounds like money well spent....

IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY said...

I spent 3 months working at macca's when my nursing feet gave out. All my superiors were half my age back then now if i worked there they would be a third of my age....sigh...(think juniors..please)

as for the study..good on you!!!!

this spagetti dish sounds too easy...does it really taste good?

Not Blessed Mama said...

that recipe is awesome.
oh, and don't get any spanx. i had a friend who had a sister in law who had a cousin whose friend died of spanx related causes.

Kris said...

Oh my, I just started back at school and learned yesterday that other than the professor I was the only one alive in the 1980's. And yes, I'm even older than she is. Yikes - wtf did I get myself into? On the other hand at least you got a good parking spot, all I get to see is an elementary school!!

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

That parking lot cost is exorbitant - they obviously purposefully place it next to the nubile young ones so people will be distracted to protest!

Kelly L said...

The price of parking is awful but the view.. come to mama.. I'm just saying..lol

Love to you
Kelly
I've Become My Mother

MommaKiss said...

i'm new.

getting my way here.

you're hysterical, though, i'm sure of that. and I'm with you on that Papa O'Malley death scene, dammit.

off to make me some dinnah, yum.

CanadianMama said...

Hey! I'm a taurus too (unless you go by the new sign, then I'm something else that doesn't make sense!!). And, I would love to go back to school but the thought of sitting in a classroom with kids makes me want to put my head in an oven!!!

1 Funky Woman said...

My dear, come on it's me we're talking about! But you enjoyed every minute of it and I'm picking you next!

Megan

ModernMom said...

I am "shocked" that you even made it to class. I wouldn't have made it out of the parking space:) Yeah you!

Bibliomama said...

Two words baby -- Distance. Learning. I only show up for my exam, with a bunch of other old mismatched people and we eye each other suspiciously as we snatch our papers from the women at the front and scuttle back to our places. I'm doing my library tech diploma. At my last exam someone else was writing money laundering and asset tracing -- I almost asked to switch courses right then and there.

EmptyNester said...

At least you have the parking spot! Oh and avoid the movies "PS I Love You" and "My Dog Skip" at all costs!

Cathy said...

Hi, Mrs. Tuna. It's a pleasure to meet you. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and for leaving a lovely comment. I thoroughly enjoyed your post this morning and am looking forward to reading more. You made me smile before my first cup of coffee...not easy to do.

Doreen McGettigan said...

I already follow so just wanted to stop by and see what you were up to. Oh my. School? For all of the reasons you mentioned I finished my degree on line.
Have a blessed week and happy dinner choices!

Shawn Becker said...

Stopped by to say hello. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Back to school......almost did the same thing until they told me how much $$$$$$ it would cost. Let's just say I freaked out and decided I would rather retire debt free!
Good luck on your adventure!
Shawn

Sarah @ Life as a Movie said...

I'm confused on this class "Cities and Cinemas." I would love the discussion of movies but then I saw Urban Planning and not sure what the heck that is. LOL.
Check out my lastest review, it's Romona and Beezus, I think that will be pretty safe. Although I remember crying a couple times but I cry at anything...
I cry every time at Homeward Bound when Chance is under the big rig and the little boy is crying for him and the dad holds him back. :)

Mary said...

Your pasta will make the wait easier to bear :-). I'm new here and just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed my visit here. I'll definitely be back. Have a great weekend. Blessings...Maryk

Kimberly said...

I hate to admit it, but I laughed at your calamity...although the momentary *yum yum* moment came at the point where you described those sleek young diving men...but back to my point:

You go girl. You cry if you need to. And really, I'm sure you have what it takes to outwit those little cheeky bastards, you really do. And if not, you can tie 'em up in your control tops while you walk nonchalantly off campus.

Mrs4444 said...

I'm a Taurus, too! :)

sorry to say this, but Kyle's parking pass is $160. $850?! That's INSANE!

Hilary said...

Hi, I can't find your email address... I am sending out the bumper stickers this week, so if you want one, please email me (feelingbeachie@gmail.com) your address...

I Wonder Wye said...

you go girl~ I'm pretty sure you can whip those younger butts and they'll be enlightened by your mind...I had to laugh at your movie remark -- I can't watch 'Homeward Bound' or the 'Incredible journey' or any animal-in-peril movie without shedding a tear either...

re my blog - you like reality shows?? Really...I watch the housewives (all but Atlanta) but can't find the energy for more than that.

Ca88andra said...

I work at a University and have to agree -parking is damn expensive! And I don't get a parking spot half that good. Don't worry about what you look like - the fact you can use a Thesaurus beats looks any day!

The Chick said...

Well I'm a Scorpio and I can smell what your cookin with that awesome view LOL! I am following you from Say Hi Sunday and would love you to stop by my blog at http://1busychick.blogspot.com I think we would get along famously ;)

Anonymous said...

60 is a pretty good number.

Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

Weird when you stumble on a blog and look at the comments and find several people you already "know"... Yeah, I know. Random. I'm still in a state of disbelief, though.

Veronica Lee said...

I'm a taurus too!! You go girl!!! Love your post. So glad we connected!!

Sausage Fingers said...

Hi, I need your e-mail, you are one of my mousepad winners
Cheers, Sausage...

jdracecar said...

Thanks for following!! I gave you a thank you and a shout out on my post today! Yay!

Danielle said...

Blog hopping! I'm your new follower and would love a follow back! www.adeliciousobsession.com Thanks!

denisemalloy.com said...

Mrs. T, you are an impressive over-achiever indeed! Bravo!