What’s Your Sign my Little Zodiac Killer?

As a rule I don’t read my horoscope, sometimes vaguely checking it depending on how many stars they say my day was going to have. Never read anything less than a 3 star post, that would just be wrong. The first day of classes at ASU was ranked as a four star day, I chanced it.

Taurus-You are a learner, remember this, even when you feel like standing still in what you already know. Translation: Don’t spit on the 20 year olds, they may spit back.



But ASU f*cks you coming and going on random fees, parking permit…….$850 a year, Sheldon and I are sharing this little ransom pass. But it is the MOST amazing parking space. It overlooks the men’s diving team practice. Clap, clap, clap, clap, dive again my handsome Adonis, triple twist my young buck...ahem, I mean it’s important that the youth today exercise and not become couch potatoes getting fat right?

Wandering around campus made me feel like the uncoolest, unhippest, matronly woman on the planet. Usually when comparing myself to the same age plaintiffs on Judge Judy I think I’m holding up pretty well. Now I’ve gone from being the girl in high school that was eleventy feet tall to the woman who is eleventy years older. There is no way to compete with their player hair and bare midriffs. They just sucked all the pretty out of me. Gotta get me some spanks, that is a given.

My over control freak tendencies enabled me to show up with my color coordinated folders and sharpened number 2 pencils ready to roll. Glancing around I am easily the oldest of 450 students. As I had just driven straight from the salve market I was dressed as the middle aged professional that I am. I hiked up my control top pantyhose, mostly to hold in my fat, ready to absorb to finer points of Urban Planning. It’s an iPad versus iTampon world.

One class is an online adventure. Students are required to post their points of view on a discussion board about challenges facing third world countries. In every single post they were “shocked”. No one was surprised, upset , stunned, shaken, dismayed. Could it be that Mrs. Tuna is the only one who knows how to use a Thesaurus? Here’s a little something to hold you over until next week.

Microwave Spaghetti Carbonara
8 ounces spaghetti
10 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
3 tablespoons butter
¾ cup grated parmesan cheese
3 eggs

Cook pasta conventionally while microwaving bacon until done. In 2 quart casserole dish, microwave butter until melted. Mix in cheese, eggs and bacon. Drain pasta and add to casserole dish. Toss with cheese mixture. Microwave on high 2 to 4 minutes or until eggs are set, tossing every minutes.


I however am doomed. One required class is called “Cities and Cinemas”. Basically, you watch movies and write papers based on Urban Planning concerns. Really, Julie & Julia qualifies for this? I kid you not. My problem is I cry at movies and sad TV shows. I wept so much when George’s dad died on Grey’s Anatomy I gave myself a migraine. I cry every time at Homeward Bound when the dog falls in the hole, know he gets out, but nonetheless, big mascara stained tear tracks, this is going to be ugly. But I am a Taurus, I am not full of Bullsh*t, bring it.