Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Chore Wheel of Death

It always seems to be an age old struggle of Men versus Women. While I had been a child bride in the stone ages, my mom ingrained in me that I wasn’t allowed to be a fragile flower and needed to be my own financial sugar daddy. The Big Tuna came from a more traditional upbringing where the little woman would hook up a big post church Sunday dinner and birthing babies. It’s all about negotiating. But somehow there are a few kinks in our chore wheel.



Every Saturday I do the grocery shopping, pen poised in hand quizzing Team Tuna on needed items. I do not have ESP to see that you are out of deodorant or ketchup a vegetable I do not eat has run dry. This however translates into 27 phone calls while at Safeway for missing items and several loops back to the condiment aisle thus ensuring my exercises for the day. I have to go before noon, heaven forbid there isn’t anything in the house for lunch for the starving masses.

But I have been making this trip for over 25 years, I’m always gone for 47 to 53 minutes and yet………no one is available to lug in the 83 pound bags. Excuses range from I was in the shed, taking a shower, mowing the lawn, going potty. Didn’t you hear me kicking the door in the 500 degree heat shrieking that the Cherry Garcia was melting?

Why is it that recycles are left at the end of the counter instead of walking the THREE additional steps to the recycle can. I even bought a great big one so you can’t complain it’s too full. A side note, the recycle people don’t take dryer lint, it cannot be woven into a new sweater. It should go in the other can, RIGHT NEXT TO IT.

Laundry is the bane of my existence, pushing it through the washer and dryer and piling it a gigantic pile in the middle of our bed does not constitute doing the laundry big guy. Nor does washing my work blouses and bras with jeans. I don’t mind folding it but untangling the maze of wire hangers to drape up our work clothes I hate. I live for when Kathy the Wonderful comes to clean the house every other week. She even DOES MY LAUNDRY, neatly folded and put away. Let’s bow our heads in thanks for the cleaning woman.

In honor of the Sunday dinner here is what we’re eating out our house tonight.

Beef and Broccoli

1 pound round or flank steak cut in 1/8” strips
Salt and pepper
2 tablespoons oil
1 clove garlic minced
1 medium onion minced
2 ½ cups beef broth
2 cups broccoli florets cooked
1 ½ teaspoon corn starch
2 tablespoons soy sauce

Sprinkle beef with salt and pepper. In large skillet heat oil, add beef, onion and garlic and cook until meat is browned on all sides. Add beef broth, cover and simmer for 10 minutes. Mix cornstarch, soy sauce and a bit of the heated broth in a small bowl. Add to meat mixture, add broccoli and stir until sauce has thickened. Serve over hot rice.

In all fairness I’ve never mowed the lawn or strung the Christmas lights. All that mechanical stuff gives me the willies. One day at work I was rushing out of the office to get home in time to prepare our anniversary dinner my boss asked, “And how many years of marital bliss is the lucky Big Tuna having?” At the time we’d been swapping wedded saliva for 15 years I answer 2. You see it’s not always rainbows and puppies, marital happiness happens in 10 minute increments Viagra notwithstanding. Just call me Vanna White.

61 comments:

dbs said...

"Viagra nothwithstanding" = hilarious. I wish you had your own show, a sitcom with cooking demos. It's not a bad idea is it?

Mary said...

Your house sounds an AWFUL lot like mine. I go through the same thing when I go to the grocery store. I don't allow my husband to touch my laundry. It's okay if he wants all of his clothes washed together, but he keeps his big hands off of my laundry.

The Zadge said...

I'll trade you cleaning ladies: then you can know what it's liked to be nagged about why you are still single, why your dogs are spoiled and why you use so many beauty products.

myevil3yearold said...

My hubby and the big tuna have the same laundry philosophy. My big gripe is that after he throws it in the big wadded pile that he comes into the room hinting for a thank you. Not once has he ever thanked me for washing his boxers for the past 12 years!

Sweet T Makes Three said...

New blog hop follower!
Sweet T Makes Three

Marnie said...

So many of my clothes have shrunk or turned a different color by my well meaning DH. I now am the sole keeper of the laundry :0D Thanks for stopping by my blog! xo

Ca88andra said...

Hmmm I thought it was just my boys who were frustrating! I just can't work out why the dirty dishes are left on the bench over the dishwasher, instead of inside it!

Horuss said...

sounds good +1!

The Frat Pack + Me said...

Ha! This post is hilarious. I can totally relate to the "not having ESP so I do not know when we are out of certain thing" part. Drives me nuts!

Heather said...

This sounds eerily like my house. I am stuck too because he does ALL the laundry and he said if I didn't like the way he was doing it....I could do it. ARGH.
I guess I will have to just learn to like having my delicates washed with jeans and dirty baseball gear.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Mrs Tuna, thank you for the note on recyling. I thought it was just me that went batshit when I see the empty wine bottle sitting on the counter, mere steps away from it's destination. Should I be happy he re-corked the empty bottle?

blueviolet said...

Swapping wedded saliva? I don't even like unwedded saliva!

I couldn't even be mad about the clean laundry pile on the bed. I'm guilty of that myself!

Marla said...

Ok, even though I find you hysterically funny, these are the same things that make me want to choke the life out of these people. Only because I love them, of course.

My Big Secret Blog :) said...

Mums are supernatural. I swear we love everything that you do and totally appreciate you for it! And no, we wouldn't be able to pull off 1/10th of that stuff!

Caren Gittleman said...

I sooooooooooo loved this!! Are you sure you aren't married to MY husband???!!! lol

Kelly L said...

One of my favorite dishes - thank you for the recipe. I remember shortly after I was married 22 years ago - my husband would say things like - that's not how my mom does it.. or can you call my mom for this or that recipe.. His mom was a home economics teacher and she was/is a tough act to follow... But I do love having a housekeeper...
Love,
Kelly
I've Become My Mother

Not Blessed Mama said...

All this talk of cleaning ladies makes me very stabby, since i am the cleaning lady. :P i need to get a job outside of the house and HIRE someone to do that sh*t. (can i curse here?)

Sandra said...

The Chore Wheel of Death indeed!
And boy, you can grocery shop in record time!

Nicole said...

She DOES YOUR LAUNDRY?! Where do you live? I'm moving.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Too funny... although currently I have to do it all... not fun... I need a cleaning lady AND a lawn boy!

Michelloui said...

I relate to so much of this post! Ive come across you via Im So Fancy. This is my kinda blog.

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Washing. Now that is a crap job indeed. But man alive, that recipe you posted sounded bloody nice. I might have to give that one a go!

1 Funky Woman said...

If I put clean clothes on the bed my husband will still manage to crawl under the covers or push the laundry to my side! Men can sure complain if they don't have clean clothes, even if they are right in front of them!

Loving the OCD, I think I have that too!

Megan

MommyToTwoBoys said...

Good to know I am not alone! I made the rule that if it doesn't get on the to buy list, then it doesn't get bought, period. And I love the recycle part, oh those 3 extra dreaded steps! And the lint going in the one next to it! Why is it so hard for them???!!!

Missy said...

I just found an empty Velveeta box in the fridge! It has my DH's name all over it!!!

FreeFlying said...

Lol! Your comments about the recycling cracked me up. And I can so relate. One time Isaac had stacked up and entire leaning tower of random recyclables. He came home to a complete workers strike. I refused to get off the couch the rest of the night and yelled at him when he had the audacity to attempt to change the channel from one of my girly dramas. Hello. The t.v. rights go with the person on strike.

Fourth Daughter said...

haha, just found you via twelvedaysold, will definitely be checking back here from time to time for more humour and recipe tips!

Kristina P. said...

Somehow, I got lucky enough to marry a man who will do the laundry!

Sarah @ Life as a Movie said...

My cleaning lady is called my children, lol. But I still do most of the dirty work. But they help tremendously with the carrying of groceries, cleaning those "hard to reach" spots behind the toilet, etc. I'll have to try this recipe, yum.

CanadianMama said...

Oh yeah, I fired M from laundry years ago. My best friend calls me a sucker but she's single so she has no idea what happens when a man does laundry!!!

Hilary said...

my problem is my cleaning lady comes every other week, and while it should be simple to remember, i always forget and clean the house a few days before she gets there... UGH!

Jojo said...

Mrs. Tuna, Your Pi/Pie date comment was just too witty. Had to stop by to thank you for stopping by.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

Bwahahahaha!!!

Where have you been my whole blog life??? Love the answer you gave your boss. I may cross stitch that on a pillow.

Kernut the Blond said...

Something similar happened to me: I lived in a large house, and my roommate (also the landlord) only stayed every other weekend. He was a slob, and so was his girlfriend who started living there full time. After much complaining about no one else pulling their weight, I went on strike. I didn't clean any dish that wasn't mine. Sometimes I wouldn't do mine, either. No vacuuming, dusting, etc. For two months this went on. Then finally he'd had enough. From then on EVERYONE pitched in.

If you decide to strike, I'll picket with you.

Meara said...

You are too funny!

Manzanita said...

I suppose if I were born in this era, i'd understand it. We always had the sexual division of labor. I did everything in the house, he did the outside. We both did the garden. Women didn't work outside the house at a 9 to 5 job. We just made the man's salary do!! God, I loved my life. I'd hate to have to work at a job and do housework, too. You poor women!!!

Wickless in Seattle said...

You are my kind of gal. My kids always told me that cooking may not have been my speciality, but I do a great take out. I must also bow down to your cleaning lady and wish you could visit me too. I'm a new visitor and follower from the blog hop. It's great to meet you and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Haha! LOVE that post title! And you may never have strung the Xmas lights - but HE does it only ONCE A YEAR!!! So it hardly counts ...

Interesting that there's so much in common with Australian households - does this mean men are men the world over??

Bella Michelle said...

Thanks for stopping by Southern Somedays! The only reason I have "winter woes" is that we aren't supposed to be having them!!! This is the South...low country South! WHAT is this about? When I lived in NY I didn't hate it as much (not sure why, other than maybe they have the tools to function with it??). Not to mention, there is nothing but weather related news right now - the world may have ended and you would never know because it has snowed. And I can relate to your heat because it won't be too long before tempts will hover around 100 and with 758% humidity! I promise I am not complaining about that this year!

Bella Michelle said...

BTw, the recipe looks delish...and I hate laundry, it is truly the bane of my existence.

EmptyNester said...

OMG you are hilarious! So glad I found your blog via Over 40 hop!

Tracy said...

Definitely have to follow you after reading a couple of posts. Thank goodness for blog hop.

Coupon Queen said...

Stopped over on the Friday Blog hop and now following, you writting is histerical!! I love that the recycle folks will not rework my drier lint into a new sweater, that had me chuckling pretty good until I got to the end and started to outright cackle!! What a fantastic blog!!! Thanks for the great recipe too. :)

Shawn Becker said...

Mrs Tuna,
This post was hilarious and one in which so many women can relate. My Hubby is great he will take his dinner plate into the kitchen, put it into the sink..but never is able to...... quite..... reach..one more inch...to put that plate in the dishwasher. I am sure there is a medical diagnosis for this Short Arm Syndrome...because so many men have the same affliction!
Shawn

julie said...

Sorry about the lint in the recycle bin.
I think that was me.

The Empress said...

Been reading your old posts, how could I not know you? following you now, because you are funny. FUNNY.

Also, tweeted you out, b/c we need more funny nuts on the internet. Oh, yeah, we do.

So, now to get your ass on twitter.

Did I mention I like you?

Ms Bibi said...

I can still make my boys to unload the groceries, but that doesn't mean they will actually carry it to the kitchen. No, apparently front porch is a good spot to pile it all and let me do the rest. They wouldn't want to do anything wrong,lol

ModernMom said...

Oh how this struck a cord with me! Do they think groceries and laundry just get done by magic? You tell em!

Kasey said...

First Time follower, I'd love a follow back, and I'm also hosting my first giveaway on my site, w/currently 8 entries. Love it if you'd stop by! www.lessonsfromivy.com

Amy said...

Please tell me I have stopped by your place here to tell you 'Hi' and thank you for the kind comments you leave. Because if I haven't; shame on me!

The beef and broccoli sound delish. I am copying it and will put in into my rotation to see how it works out.

And, do try the cobblestone chicken pie. We LOVE our chicken pot pies around our house and this recipe really hit a home run.

Have a great weekend!

Choosing Joy in 2011, Amy

Anonymous said...

Dawn, you have outdone yourself this time. Great job. Now, if only you could make money at it....

Hand Crafter said...

Found you while blog hopping! I'm your newest follower! http://handmadewithlove4u.blogspot.com/

Doreen McGettigan said...

You are so; so funny! My husband is not allowed to touch the laundry. I have ocd and it is especially fierce over laundry and dishes...he has just recently been allowed to load the dishwasher because he finally agreed my way made sense. I am a sick woman :)

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I loved this. Especially the dryer lint!
I'll tell you what I do. I ask the bagger to put all the cold things in the same bag and I bring them in. Then I leave the rest in the car until someone decides to get it; )

Lisa ~Suburban Retreat~ said...

Hi ... just found your blog and my hubby and I have been enjoying going back through your archives! He wants to know, are you married to "Bill Parcells"???? (lol)

Mrs4444 said...

Sounds familiar.

At least they're taking the dryer lint OUT :)

Emily said...

I think our husbands could be at least cousins, especially when it comes to grocery shopping and recycling!

julie said...

Okay so I really wasn't the one who put the lint in your recycle bin.
You caught me.
But I DID catch your blog yesterday afternoon as I was walking out the door and in the absence of time to create anything REALLY witty to say, I went with pithy. And confessional.
Thanks for visiting my blog (although I think you ended up on a guest blog day - my one and only) so I hope you come back when things are more..ummm..regular.
Not that I'm regular.
I struggle with that now that I'm in my 40's.
But I do second the empress - get your ass on Twitter.
I will follow you.
How's that for a promise? On a Saturday, no less.

Bekah said...

Sounds familiar. I always wondered why the dirty laundry ends up on the floor RIGHT in front of the hamper...

Bee said...

Mrs.Tuna - laundry is the bain of my exsistance as well - however I am the one who does not like to fold! However I do see lots of parellels in our lives!

Undeserving Grace said...

That's hilarious! I'm still cracking up. So glad I found this tonight it's been a rough night filled w/ a few tantrums split between my love and my daughter! Now following from todays hop come by and say hello some time :)
{tara} from Undeserving Grace