Resolutions of the Muffin Tops

It was a big New Year’s celebration as it was Sheldon’s first since she turned 21.”Sweetie, will you please text us here and there so we don’t worry?” Absolutely, you betcha. When I texted her are 12:45 following radio silence I asked how she and her female wolf pack were doing, response, SO MUCH FUN! What I was really asking was what time were you getting in sugarplum, mommy is getting cranky past her usual 8 PM bedtime.



I could make the standard commitment to lose the post holiday15 pound fat layer but that would just be silly. Instead I will focus on the promises I know I can keep in 2011.

I WILL NOT eat my young. Mostly because now that Sheldon’s a grown ass woman, I can’t sneak up her anymore. I think I could still take her though.

I confess that I’ve been known to linger on stupid reality shows like Judge Judy and Teen Mom during idle TV surfing. I commit, I WILL NOT use the term Baby Daddy in any sentence. I might use Mama Drama, but definitely not Baby Daddy.

I WILL NOT eat the entire box of chocolate covered cherries. This has more to do with that Santa put them in the Big Tuna’s stocking and they remind me of cough syrup then any real willpower.

I WILL continue to cover the giant gray streak the only shows up on the right half of my bangs. The last thing I need is for Stacey London, host of What Not To Wear, to hunt me down for copying her hairstyle. Likely after she b*tch slapped me she’d turn me into a featured episode.

I WILL NOT update a Match.com profile. That has more to do with that I’m already married to the Big Tuna who I met the old fashion way on a blind date at the Rock Bottom Inn.

I WILL support the reestablishment of clam beds following the BP oil spill by not eating them. This has more to do with how raw clams remind me of eating snot then any real humanitarian process.

I WILL upkeep my nightly glass of wine. How else will Trader Joe’s stay in business? It isn’t that low class to drink it over ice is it? That’s how I stay hydrated.

Well maybe I’ll cough up a low calorie recipe since I might be feeling a bit of a January muffin top coming on rather than the comfort food I’ve been shoveling down.

Citrus/Avocado Salad
½ head Bibb Lettuce leaves washed and separated
3 oranges, peeled, white stuff removed and sliced crosswise
1 large grapefruit, peeled, white stuff removed and slice crosswise
2 avocados, peeled and sliced

Citrus Dressing
¼ orange juice
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons honey
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
2/3 cup vegetable oil

Line platter with lettuce leaves. Arrange orange, grapefruit and avocado slices as artfully as you can. I suck at this so basically I just try and make it look like someone out of 2nd grade did it. Drizzle Citrus Dressing over said platter right before serving.

I WILL continue to not make people do word verification. I have enough trouble myself reading those squiggly words that seem to be some kind of secret code I can almost crack. I WILL stop checking my blog status for comments and followers 24 hours a day. Primarily this has to do with that dumb job that I’m supposed to be doing. Here’s hoping all of you picked as challenging resolutions so that all your lofty goals can come true too.