Saturday, January 1, 2011

Resolutions of the Muffin Tops

It was a big New Year’s celebration as it was Sheldon’s first since she turned 21.”Sweetie, will you please text us here and there so we don’t worry?” Absolutely, you betcha. When I texted her are 12:45 following radio silence I asked how she and her female wolf pack were doing, response, SO MUCH FUN! What I was really asking was what time were you getting in sugarplum, mommy is getting cranky past her usual 8 PM bedtime.



I could make the standard commitment to lose the post holiday15 pound fat layer but that would just be silly. Instead I will focus on the promises I know I can keep in 2011.

I WILL NOT eat my young. Mostly because now that Sheldon’s a grown ass woman, I can’t sneak up her anymore. I think I could still take her though.

I confess that I’ve been known to linger on stupid reality shows like Judge Judy and Teen Mom during idle TV surfing. I commit, I WILL NOT use the term Baby Daddy in any sentence. I might use Mama Drama, but definitely not Baby Daddy.

I WILL NOT eat the entire box of chocolate covered cherries. This has more to do with that Santa put them in the Big Tuna’s stocking and they remind me of cough syrup then any real willpower.

I WILL continue to cover the giant gray streak the only shows up on the right half of my bangs. The last thing I need is for Stacey London, host of What Not To Wear, to hunt me down for copying her hairstyle. Likely after she b*tch slapped me she’d turn me into a featured episode.

I WILL NOT update a Match.com profile. That has more to do with that I’m already married to the Big Tuna who I met the old fashion way on a blind date at the Rock Bottom Inn.

I WILL support the reestablishment of clam beds following the BP oil spill by not eating them. This has more to do with how raw clams remind me of eating snot then any real humanitarian process.

I WILL upkeep my nightly glass of wine. How else will Trader Joe’s stay in business? It isn’t that low class to drink it over ice is it? That’s how I stay hydrated.

Well maybe I’ll cough up a low calorie recipe since I might be feeling a bit of a January muffin top coming on rather than the comfort food I’ve been shoveling down.

Citrus/Avocado Salad
½ head Bibb Lettuce leaves washed and separated
3 oranges, peeled, white stuff removed and sliced crosswise
1 large grapefruit, peeled, white stuff removed and slice crosswise
2 avocados, peeled and sliced

Citrus Dressing
¼ orange juice
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons honey
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
¼ teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
2/3 cup vegetable oil

Line platter with lettuce leaves. Arrange orange, grapefruit and avocado slices as artfully as you can. I suck at this so basically I just try and make it look like someone out of 2nd grade did it. Drizzle Citrus Dressing over said platter right before serving.

I WILL continue to not make people do word verification. I have enough trouble myself reading those squiggly words that seem to be some kind of secret code I can almost crack. I WILL stop checking my blog status for comments and followers 24 hours a day. Primarily this has to do with that dumb job that I’m supposed to be doing. Here’s hoping all of you picked as challenging resolutions so that all your lofty goals can come true too.

41 comments:

CkretsGalore said...

I don't do the whole resolutions thing but however I may do that salad when I have a girlfriend over because there's no way anyone else in the house will try it.
Sometimes it's lonely eating healthy with a bunch of trueblood Albertans.

Mary said...

Ok, I HAVE to follow you now! This post was hysterical, and so like me! I'm ready for the 2 oldest boys to go back to college so I can get back to my sleeping schedule.

Heather said...

Wow. You are really going to do some hard work. I too vow to not eat my young...but I think working instead of checking my blog is a lot to ask!.
Happy New Year!

Mrs4444 said...

You're so selfless :) Happy New Year!

dbs said...

You and Stacey London. I want to see that.

Mellisa Rock said...

This is a great list! Love it - esp the part about the clams! Thanks for linking up!

Susan said...

Clams/oysters are like eating snot off a doorknob. And what's with ONE glass of wine each night????

Sandra said...

See this resolution post is totally in my league...except, my young are still small enough to be eaten...

My Big Secret Blog :) said...

:) :) Happy new year, Mrs. Tuna!!! I love that the recipe is vegetarian! You are doing pretty darn good on the followers list! You must check more often. Happiness is a good thing!

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Your list is much more interesting than mine!
Happy New Year!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I can't eat my young because my youngest is the one who makes all the brownies and fudge.
I bet you could take Stacey too; )
Happy New Year!

Exmoorjane said...

I will not eat my young. Just cracking! What a brilliant thought.... I'll add that to my resolutions. :)

Happy New Year!

I'm So Fancy said...

I see a hydration theme. Happy New Year Lady Fish! x

CP said...

Hello!

Found you on a blog hop and am your newest follower - Would love for you to check out my blog and follow back if you like it.

Check out my "retail therapy" giveaways and enter a few, there are some great products to win.

I also have a fantastic weekly blog hop.

http://retailtherapylounge.blogspot.com

Carol

Gina Alfani said...

Happy New Year Mrs. Tuna!

Oh no . . . I'd better start covering that gray streak again . . . I wouldn't want Stacey London to come after me :)

Thank you so much for following my food blog . . . I'm following you back! Stop by whenever you need something sinful since The Captain and I have a passion for good food. Rather than giving up the good stuff, we are gonna try the practice of moderation!

Hope you are having an awesome weekend . . . Gina

http://ginasitaliankitchen.blogspot.com
http://peacelovehappinesshappens.blogspot.com

Heavensent1 said...

Swingin' By Sunday and GFC following...ifn you have a moment, please stop by my place and follow back... Mad Moose Mama - http://www.madmoosemama.blogspot.com Have yourself a groovy day...peaces...xoxo

Shanee said...

I'm your newest follower from the Sunday Blog Hops! Please visit my blog at: http://adventuresofathriftymommy.blogspot.com/ I'd love a follow back!

Have a great day!

Grace Matthews said...

I already ate my young...it's not worth it. You have to start over.

Happy New Year!!

Fellow Blog Hopper:)

tawna6988 said...

Stopping by from Sunday’s blog hop and am your newest a follower and hope you will hop on by to one of my blogs too!

Blogs
http://tawnasplan.blogspot.com
http://btrbb.blogspot.com
http://tawnassecret.blogspot.com

Tawna

Carri said...

HAHAHA Am I glad I found this blog! Or should I say, I'm glad you found MY blog and commented, so I could think to myself, Who is this Mrs Tuna lady? and wander over here.
Seriously, cooking makes my head explode. So does not checking my blog 24 hours a day.

blueviolet said...

You totally made me laugh here! You're the first blog I read since coming back from vacation and I'm so glad I started with you! :)

I see nothing wrong with your choice of quality tv programming, by the way. We have much in common there.

You might be wise to not update a Match.com profile since you're otherwise married. Hey...wait! You have a match.com profile that could be updated? What the what?

myevil3yearold said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. I wanted to eat my young today and they are still pint sized. I guess I am going to try to fatten them up first to make it more worth it. Loved your blog it made me laugh and that is the best compliment I can give!

Kelly L said...

I love "Rockbottom Inn" funny... We buy our wine at Trader Joe's too - Charles Shaw - also known as 2 buck Chuck! Love your wit.

Happy New Year
Kelly

ModernMom said...

All fabulous resolutions!!
Happy New Years to you, so glad we "met" this year!

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Mrs Tuna, wine is one of the necessary food groups for the evening meal. Here's to more of the same in 2011!

FreeFlying said...

I have faith in you. Except for the chronic checking for blog updates. That's our crack and you know it's the fault of the disease, not us. We can not be personally responsible for the control it has over us. Now, pass me your chocolate covered cherries. I can help with that one.

1 Funky Woman said...

Ok I love your resolutions especially the drinking of the wine, the not eating your young and the snotty clams! I laughed out loud at these, thanks!

Megan

CanadianMama said...

Thanks for visiting me and I'm following you back now. I LOVE cooking blogs :)

Hilary said...

Since I am reading this, while sippping on my nightly glass of wine, I will drink to your resolutions!

Pamela said...

Now those are my kind of resolutions - what better way to stay hydrated than with a nightly glass of wine? Although I really do need to work on minimizing the muffin top - I might just have to try out your delicious recipe:)
Happy New Year!

1 Funky Woman said...

I just gave you The Stylish Blogger Award!
So gad I met you, hop on over and check out the details!

Megan

Life As I Know It said...

Those are excellent goals, Mrs. T! I think I might add the nightly glass of wine resolution to my list, as well ;)

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I love Trader Joe's and am very grateful you do your part so they can stay open - the masses appreciate your dedication!

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

You are a better woman than i. I will, sadly, eat the whole box of chocolate covered cherries, not apologize and maybe make my husband go out and get more. That's just the kind of amazing wife I am. Man, he's a lucky guy.

Not Blessed Mama said...

i think i can get behind these resolutions. because raw clams are sickening, and iced wine is just practical.

Manzanita said...

What a fun blog. Some of your phrases crack me up. I guess you never stop wondering about them......

I really look with pleasure at your profile picture of a dog resting his chin on a leg. I'm taking it it's your leg and dog. Dogs can have such a soulful yearning pleading look and that picture caught it.

I'm enjoying your blog. Thanks.
Manzanita

I Wonder Wye said...

You could so take Stacy London. The wimp. Enjoyed your resolutions -- that citrus dressing sounds wonderful!

Kernut the Blond said...

I love the list! I've been trying to think of some resolutions other than recycling my usual "lose 20 pounds". Your list is better than any I've come up with so far!

Camille said...

SO much more realistic than mine....I WILL walk on water. Cheers to you ;)

Marla said...

Talk about some razzle dazzle resolutions. You go girl!!

qandlequeen said...

Great resolutions! We should have eaten our young when they were young, cute and tender. I'm pretty sure my 22 yr old could take me in less than two seconds - that's what I get for raising feisty kids.

Happy New Year!