Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Boss Whisperer



As usual, our favorite postings are from when Mrs. Tuna has had way too much liquor. She has happily spent the entire afternoon/evening drinking peach sangria with her friend the Bad Bunny. Ignore all bad grammar and typos, it's the booze typing. It's possible it could end in a nip slip or something if we're not careful. Not that Mrs. Tuna's double A's have much to show for it. Likely tomorrow she will go back and make all the necessary modifications so as not to embarrass herself. 

What I should really blog about is this picture of my Future British Son In Law’s first 4th of July. But that would be wrong. Very Wrong.



Instead, I thought I’d give a bit of an update at the new slave market, Endless Engineering.  Who knew I’d be the voice of reason. One of my major assignments is Business Development. That’s a fancy way of saying beat the bushes for new work. Boss 1 and Boss 2 are polar opposites in business strategy. This is not to be confused with Thing 1 and Thing 2 of Dr. Seuss.  Instead of pulling the Cat in the Hat out of my ass, I am literally feral herding cats.  I speak Boss. I don’t even listen to what they say for the first 20 minutes of the meeting, they are certainly not listening to my amazing words of wisdom. And then getting everyone to compromise, sing Kumbaya and have a freaking group hug.  

Somehow I’ve gone from quiet engineering assignments to the queen of marketing mayhem. We keep trying on assistants to “help” me but they are such a collection of whack a doodles.  The last one came with a stripper name and a ridiculous reason for not being able to make it to the office. Sharing all of her personal secrets, like having to marry her baby daddy when she was 6 months pregnant (she included a verifying instragram as proof) within the first 3 days. I am a horrible coworker, I don’t even want to listen to your kiddie’s T Ball game or results of your pap smear. La la la la la, I can’t hear you, stop talking.  

Boss 2 slinked past her desk over to my veal fattening pen to ask if I knew what was wrong with her, her head was down on her desk. Dude, ummmm….you can’t quiz her, you’re her supervisor, I just took the job? The chicken thought I should talk to her “woman to woman”. The final straw was borrowing the company truck to get home and joyriding it all the way to Tucson.   One of their former employees shared by text, her weaving all over the freeway before getting pulled over the men in blue.  When confronted the next morning, a string of verbal diarrhea excuses.  My dad’s formula buddy was going to fix it, my husband was texting for a divorce, the dog ate my car. Whatever, we’ll miss you Bambi, Not. This week’s fare is a simple one, created by my beloved Sheldon.

Lemon Salmon
1 pound salmon fillet
Salt and pepper to taste
2 cloves garlic minced
1 teaspoon garlic seasoning
3 lemons

In shallow bowl sprinkle salmon with salt, pepper and garlic seasoning.  Cover with garlic and juice from one lemon. Let stand for 1 to 2 hours.  Slice remaining lemons and place layer on medium heat grill, place salmon on top and cover with additional slices. Cook approximately 6 minutes, flip, replacing and askew lemons. Cook until done. The way to tell if salmon is cooked is you can twist a fork in the fish and it flakes. Sheldon did this on her George Foreman girl which would likely keep those lemons in line.  



My "part time" job has been logging full time hours. No time to exercise, thus resulting in slapping back on the 10 pounds I'd lost. What is really need is for Cesar Milan to bring me one of those giant dog cones to separate me from my lover Mr. Vending Machine. I'll just gobble up my kibble and hope the diet restriction works. Sigh. Good week Team Tuna. 




30 comments:

Suz said...

Good lord, the things that pass for employees these days!

Anonymous said...

Good thing we are doing the bat cave on Weds. Think you need it worse than I do! Miss you,

Chris Dean said...

That is awesome in a "I feel horrible for you" type of way! At my former job the night guy seemed to think I was Dr. Ruth of the Shift Change and would WOW me with his tales of flacid-ity while I tried to do paperwork...and not openly laugh...or barf.
And good luck with the dog cone. Please, let me know if it works before I soend the day walking around looking like I just got fixed...*grin*

MOV said...

oh, how we missed you, Tuna! don't be gone so long next time, drunk or not drunk.

xxo
MOV

Mamma has spoken said...

Oh how I know what you are talking about with the damn vending machine. Hence why I keep a stash in my desk.
Ah office drama, I don't miss you. Thanks for making me think about school starting in a month.....

Mark said...

Um, okay, that all sounds like a bunch of "Crazy" happenin'! I couldn't handle it all.
And your Future BSIL cracks me up with his little flags!
m.

Marianne said...

I think I love you. Whatever happened to show up and work? Even after I had kids, I didn't want to hear about co-worker's struggles with potty training. We had a budget to prepare for chrissakes! I blame Facebook for everyone's desire to over-share.

I'm oversharing, aren't I? Sorry.

Bibi @ Bibi's Culinary Journey said...

Lol, Bambi sounds like a winner....too bad she's gone. I could see some interesting posts from it. What a brilliant idea...I need to design a cone for snackers like me....I'll send you the prototype:)

Simply a Girl said...

I have a long standing and tempestuous love affair with our vending machine. I've banned myself from carrying cash to deal with the problem.

Janie Junebug said...

I love salmon. Thank you, Sheldon. If you want to lose than ten, just stop substitute drinking for all food. We're talkin' bottle in the desk drawer and flask in the jacket pocket.

Love,
Lalalalalola

denisemalloy.com said...

If the cone works, please post. Yeah, I'm that desperate.

Always out the over sharers - but even that doesn't get them to shut up!

dbs said...

Favourite stipper name of all time: La-a. Guess how you pronounce it? Ladasha. Seriously.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Dear Mrs. Tuna, I instinctively knew the name Bambi was going to pop up in your blog post. Because, yes, I worked with one as well. I also worked with a Misty Dawn. And I can't forget Tawny.

Andrea said...

I am sorry to hear that you are feral! :) Those drinks were much deserved!

Sandra said...

Your posts make me hungry. It's 1am as I type. I would eat something from a vending machine. I think I'm getting drunk tomorrow just so I can post, and see the ramifications the next day. Who knows, I might be far less introspective and start writing stuff like; "I just sharted. Need to change panties." I bet that would get a million hits! PS: I think you're in love with your son in law. I hope he doesn't read this. I'd hate to be the reason Sheldon stops sharing recipes with you. :)

Hilary said...

no such thing as too much sangria!

Laoch of Chicago said...

Lemon salmon sounds nice.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

What would we do without the Bambi's in this world to provide new job openings?

Gene Pool Diva said...

Ack, you're my perfect co-worker. Too bad your so far away.

Carole said...

Fantastic post. such a lot of laughs.

I have linked in to Claire Justine a post about the artist Klimt. Cheers

Vapid Vixen said...

The accounting department just hired a new gal. By the name of Kitty. I refuse to address her as such. Therefore, all interactions with her will begin with "Hey...youuuu."

Clairejustine said...

Too much sangria sound great,whoo so does the salmon :) thanks for linking up to welcome to the weekend hop alway love to read your post :)

Chris said...

Hi there, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

Jo said...

I'm such a fan! Laughed from start to finish, except for the drooling part at the salmon recipe.
Co-workers with hookers names are always good material, so I encourage them to keep office hopping!



Please pass the sangria...;-)

drchoneydewcrm said...

so...are you the rabbit? :0) this was TOTALLY entertaining..and to follow your thoughts..is a bit..like an English movie; crazy wit, love the accent and good to know "subtitles" not needed :0)

Nicki said...

So this is completely selfish, but I wish Bambi hadn't been fired, because she would have made for some TERRIFIC blogging material.

Shawn said...

Oh, I'm with Nicki!!!! Pictures and stories about Bambi...you would have a Plethora of material!

ohnonotagain said...

Heh I remember the days at Endless Engineering - my also "part time" job that turned into WHERE ARE YOU GOING when I would leave at 5:20 to dash across town to my night classes. Followed up by ARE YOU COMING BACK?!?!

Ha, right, after I get out of class at 9:30 I want to drive across town again to subject myself to that. Those guys need a visit from Captain Cluetron.

Stephanie said...

I rather like that title! The queen of marketiny mayhem sounds perfect:)

ApplePie said...

I followed you and I just started a blog, it's dutch. But you could use translate of course. Following would mean alot to me! (I have a blog hop atm)
http://likearolemodel.blogspot.com