Sunday, February 28, 2016

Focus Grasshopper

As much as I love Super Boss, he has the attention span of a gnat.  He is the first to confess that he is easily distracted by side conversations, email……….donuts. Just about anything.   And he retains only about half of what I say since he brain drifts off, the female voice must operate at too high an octave or like a dog whistle.  

I had a meeting with him and New Engineer, super shiny and smart, to discuss a particularly challenging design issue in his paper crammed office for which we didn’t have the project background.

“Let’s call Joe, he has all the info”. Picks up his phone, gives a little laugh as he reads a text from his wife, and commences to tell a cute follow up story about his daughter.  Puts the phone back down.

New Engineer:  “Now I know what you’re talking about.”

Super Boss: “What?” Call Joe, like ET phone home.

During my annual review as we were ticking through my previous development goals, it dawns on him that 99.9% of my action items were preceded by something HE was supposed to do first.  During this same group hug, I pointed out he had never sent me the job requirements for the fancy job promotion.

“I didn’t? Let me do it right now.” And embarks on looking through his email and then starts reading client emails to me.  2 months later, I’m still waiting to receive.  He compensated by giving me a nice raise and a little bonus.  Scared I’ll leave and he’ll have to depend on himself again for all his organizational shortcomings.

Coconut Lime Chicken
4 skinless chicken breasts
3 tablespoons olive oil
Zest of 1 large lime
1 teaspoon cumin
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 ½ teaspoon kosher salt
3 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons curry powder
¾ cup canned coconut milk
Juice of 1 lime
¼ cup chopped cilantro.

Put chicken breasts in a ziplock. In a bowl, combine oil, lime zest, cumin, soy sauce, salt, sugar, curry, coconut milk and lime juice and pour over chicken. Marinade for at least 2 hours or better overnight.  Grill chicken until done. If you save the marinade and cook in a small sauce pan boiling for 4 or 5 minutes to kill the bacteria it is worth the effort.  You can either serve over rice or better in tortillas with lettuce and tomatoes.  Garnish with cilantro.

The big galute is also like having a teen boy who speaks before thinking the whole thing through.  One of our goals in 2016 is to work more on the marketing efforts. I am trying to not channel the spirt of Beer Girl, I certainly don’t have her giggle or boobs.  I’d set up a meet and greet with a particularly short architect we’d like to do a little business with.    They were hitting off famously, talking about San Diego and golf games. I zone out at this point since golf is a ridiculous game, the same response when it comes on TV and I fall asleep to their droning stiff upper lip voices.  

And then Super Boss launches into to a funny golf story involving a side bet that his buddy could drive a ball from he’s knees further that the MIDGET that was doing  a golf promotion. Snapped me right back into it.  He knew it was wrong as soon as he said it but couldn’t help himself, he didn’t know how to stop, he said midget 5 more times.  Stop. Talking. Now.   As we stood up and said goodbye, I couldn’t help but notice said architect only came up to my armpit. No hard feelings I’m sure.   I’ve got three more potential client meetings scheduled with Super Boss this week. Focus Grasshopper, snatch the pebble from my hand. Wish me luck Team Tuna.


Andrea said...

Good luck! Maybe keep something bright and shiny in your pocket in case you need to get him back?

julie gardner said...

I have a few people with dog-whistle ears in my life.
(I wish I could turn them on for myself sometimes...)

Jean | said...

Mrs Tuna, I'd love to work in any office with you! Maybe you could just say "Focus!" and give him a little zing with a "light" cattle prod-like instrument?

Alexandra said...

This post reminded just how funny you are. YOU ARE. And it's all coming back to me now. The days when I'd come here and laugh, caught by surprise at your sly humor, like "group hug" and "super shiny smart new engineer"

Funny funny lady.

Hilary said...

Sounds like a great place to work!

Kimberly said...

You need to put a dog collar on him -- like one of them fancy ones that zap when they bark but with a remote.
So when he starts trailing *zap*
You might also need to buy him adult diapers.
Just saying.

Anonymous said...

Oh my, how you would just die if you saw my total dick move recently - allow me to explain. One of the fellers from Endless Engineering is a regular at the gym I also regularly go to. I won't name names, but it's the one with the almost-mullet who needs to cut his hair because he's not 17 any more.

Anyhoo, my partner and I were using a bench at the gym, and I saw him in the mirror wandering over behind me, obviously looking for an open bench but they were all occupied. He awkwardly hovered behind us, wanting to ask if we were still using the bench, and all the memories of how he and his partner (business partner, that is) screwed me over and treated me like dirt flooded into my mind much like those evenings where the sewer line leaving the house gets blocked and all the sewage floods into the house. Pretty much the same visceral response. Anyway, here's the dick move - I pretended to not even notice him and totally blew him off. He finally realized I wasn't going to jump up and say hey old friend, here, use our bench! And he slowly wandered off, looking slightly dazed and confused. I still just pretend not to recognize him when I see him, because it's like what's the point of chit chat when I have nothing nice to say? Hard feelings, indeed!

Every now and then I'll see an Endless Engineering truck in the parking lot and this little shiver will run down my spine. Oh the bad old days, so long ago, yet the scars are still so, so fresh.

So many memories.... how life has changed!

Mrs. Tuna said...

I saw the partner pair at my favorite conference last week, the mullet look loses some of its allure when his scalp shows through the puffiness.

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