Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Living in a My Little Pony World.

When I was growing up, one of the eleventy million jobs my mom had was managing a 50horse hunter jumper show barn. It allowed her to bring the seven heathen children with her on days we were freed from our school prison to run like savages in the countryside. Once it was discovered that my long legs kept me stuck like glue on bucking two year old colts my fate was sealed. “Sure, throw the scrawny one up on Widowmaker, she’s young, she’ll heal quick if she breaks anything.” I rode 5 or more horses everyday all through high school as well as the East Coast circuit allowing me to mail my homework in from beyond the tri state area.


(No this is not a stunt rider, it is actually Mrs. Tuna)

I must secretly or maybe not so secretly be into S & M. As you know, I inflict myself on Eva Braun and her best friend Helga the yoga instructor on a sort of consistent basis. But I also have a much more regular relationship with my horse trainer, Attila the Hun’s cousin Sue the Sadist. Equestrians get all hot and dreamy when surrounded by whips and leather. Ahem.

Horseshow season is almost upon us in Arizona and my tormentor has accelerated to more of a frat house hazing phase. Umm, gee, that fence looks pretty darn big, I’m a little teeny bit concerned my horsie might stop and launch me from the fetal position on my head. I mean, I don’t want to have to take a bed in the Christopher Reeve Wing at the hospital. I will share here that Sheldon fell off in one of her lessons and broke her arm a few years ago. Nothing binds you to your daughter like having to shave her armpits for her. “Put your big girl panties on Sparky and get on with it, you’ll be fine”.

When we horseshowed our food needed to be easy access, today I’m sharing a chicken salad thing we ate on bread or crackers or even just a spoon.

Waldorf Chicken Salad
5 boneless chicken breasts, cooked and diced
1 cup chopped walnuts, big pieces
1 box frozen snow peas
1 cup mayo
3 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons white vinegar
½ teaspoon pepper
2 teaspoons sugar
2 apples, peeled, cored and chopped
4 celery stalks, chopped

Combine and chill. My misspent youth was before the days of sunblock, electrolyte drinks and bottled water. My mom did her best to ensure we had plenty of salt and hydration in our system by offering salt tablets washed down with Rolling Rock nips. I always thought I rode better with a bit of a beer buzz.



But sadly, my horse Lad (Yes as in boy), is off with an injury that will keep him stall bound for 9 to 12 months, 6 down, 6 to go. He’s a giant horse, his back as tall as my head and I’m almost 6 foot tall, stuck in his square cell. The vet has put him on a long lasting tranquilizer, when I looked it up online one of the things they treat with it is schizophrenia in people. It must be keeping the little voices quiet in his pea brain. The backup ride, while kindly lent by said trainer is a tad bit sensitive. Bordeaux’s eyes spin like pinwheels and leap sideways at imaginary cougars hiding behind jumping fences. My lessons are typically with the teen girls, explaining why most of my Facebook friends are under 18. I’ll be glad when my personal bully leaves for the show grounds and I can stop peeing my pants in fright. I’m too old for this sh*t.

59 comments:

The Zadge said...

I'm envious of your horse-womanship. They are stunning creatures, but if they come within 10 feet of me, my eyes swell shut, I'm *that* allergic!

I'm So Fancy said...

I'm impressed. Mostly that you managed to find a schizophrenic horse.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Ha! I never knew the equestrian world was a front for S&M!! Boy, will that give me some ammunition for our horsy neighbours, or WHAT!!!

Have a great day!!

Clare and Gary said...

I had a horse when I was little, stabled at the local horse stables.. one day I couldn't ride mine as he was injured so they 'lent' me a spare.. Said spare didn't like red cars, bucked and little 8 year old girl ended up being dragged behind horse down country lane for a mile with foot stuck in stirrup...
39 woman has not been on horse since :-(

Mamma has spoken said...

Love the pic of your horse with the duck bill. Guess he doesn't mind it since he has all those drugs corsing through his veins ;o)

Sausage Fingers said...

Cool. I am taking riding lessons twice a week, I ride Florida cracker horses and a huge Belgian draft. I wish I had done this as young man.
Cheers, Sausage...

Michelloui | The American Resident said...

Great stories. I had a few horses when I was growing up in Minnesota but never showed them beyond 4H at the county fair! My daughter is now 'into horses' in the UK and although I remember riding all over the place, bareback half the time, mucking around with other kids in the area, I look at her going off on a hack and I get all worried and clucky. I have to just keep quiet or I'd be a really boring mum.

1 Funky Woman said...

My husband had horses when he was growing up and his parents still do. They just had to put one down last week, I think he was 21. My husband always thought they were crazy though and his mom a little crazy too, so I'm wondering if she needs to sneek some of their horse pills?

I think that is love when you have to shave somone else's arm pits, what a mom!

You look great on the horse. So when you get off do you walk funny?

Ms Bibi said...

My sister used to ride when she was little. After we moved to Canada she had to give it up. Till this day she misses it.

I keep wanting to take my boys riding and see how they like it.Maybe this Spring.I just hope we don't stumble upon schizophrenic horse,lol

Camille said...

I knew something was up with you when I met you.....explains why we get along so well then
;)~

Lisa ~Suburban Retreat~ said...

I'm thoroughly impressed ... with both the Chicken Waldorf and Lad. He's certainly impressive in stature (even wearing his silly mask)! Sounds like you had an interesting youth.

blueviolet said...

That picture of you mid-jump is FAN.TASTIC.

I'm sorry your horse is tranq'd up for a while. :(

twelvedaysold said...

That's a great job of you on the horse! And you are a good mother for shaving your daughter's armpits.

Hilary said...

I am sorry... All I can say is wow! those pictures are amazing too!

CanadianMama said...

Come on, you're never too old to stop peeing your pants. In fact, it seems to get worse with age. No, just me?

I used to be in pony club as a kid but then my older sis broke her arm and I was out. Now I prefer to trail ride. Although nothing looks stupider than a trail rider posting!

Poor Lad - what happened to him?

Bee said...

May I have some horse meds please? :)

CkretsGalore said...

Great pictures!

I've only ridden a horse a couple of times. People are surprised to hear that but I have to remind them I grew up on Vancouver Island...not the Prairies.

April said...

Hi! I’m already a follower but I wanted to stop by and say hi also invite you to my blog hop. Hope you are having a Sweet Week.

http://www.AMommysSweetBlogDesign.com
http://www.MommysReviewsandGiveaways.com

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

I'm impressed. The last time I got thrown off a horse was the last time I got on a horse.

I am also a big Waldorf Salad fan. I add grapes to mine.

Shawn Becker said...

Beautiful picture of the jump. I used to have a Tennese Walker she was a beauty. What is wrong with your horse and is he on Thoazine?

Shawn Becker said...

Woops, left out the R in Thorazine !

Amy said...

Ha ....We are horse people here.cutting horses. And my oldest son is a team roper. He went to the NFR this year. some of my friends kids rode jumpers. Sorry your horse is laid up ...that is a long time to be in a stall. hope he gets better soon.

malia said...

Hi, I'm your newest follower from the 40 and Over Follow party. Beautiful blog! Malia
www.yesterdayontuesday.com

The Empress said...

I am so jealous

How can people be so cool and NOT shout it from the top of their blog??

U are so cool.

Xmas Dolly said...

Hi! I'm from Follow Friday & I'm your latest follower. Nice to meet you! When I was little, and my folks sent me to camp I went to school to learn to ride. I even remember the name Francis Wrecker School of Horsemanship. Silly that I remember that & so many yrs. ago. I loved them, but I don't think they liked me very much. I'd always get the ones that acted up. I even had this one that actually sat down. Why the funny duck face on the horse? Well, have a great weekend.

Ca88andra said...

As a teenager I often weht horseriding, but they were far more sedate than the ones you describe! Now my son is learning to drive and train harness racing horses. I love horses - maybe I should try to ride again...

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Blimey Mrs Tuna! You are an action woman. I am so impressed. Can you tame dogs too? I have one round here that could do with some work.

Ms.Wasteland said...

Your life is just full of interesting activities, Mrs. Tuna. Love the first picture! I hope your horse doesn't have withdrawal symptoms when he gets off the drugs.

Design It Chic said...

You are so awesome for riding on those huge horses! You rock, Mrs Tuna:) Oh and that pic of Lad with the duck face.. hilarious:) I am now following you thanks to Friday Follow, and it would be so nice if you could share the love back on my blog;)
Also today we have the coolest blog hop there is... no rules just fun and would love you to join in with us at Boost My Blog Friday :) See you there!
Happy Friday!

Facing50Blog.com said...

I love hanging out with cool people Mrs Tuna and you are 'cool'. my best friend has a riding school and stables and lots and lots of horses...I have an allergy to them so only visit her in wine bars :( Wish I could jump and ride like that though. I'd certainly see more of my friend.

Jen said...

I am a new blog follower. I hope you will follow me back!

Jen
http://thoughtsofaworkingmom.com

Paula Schuck said...

Hi. I am a new follower from Java's blog hop. I 'd love it if you could visit me at http://www.thriftymommastips.blogspot.com/
@inkscrblr

I have a daughter who rides horses therapeutically and she loves it. Personally they scare me a bit. I don't know why. I guess I picture falling off.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

That's a fabulous picture of jumping. I love horses but I'm a bit frightened when I'm close up to them. Being a farmer that sometimes poses a problem!!

Have a great weekend, CJ xx

Heavenly Savings said...

Cute Blog! I’m a new follower Happy Friday!! I would love for you to stop and take a look at my blog as well! Thanks!
http://heavenlysavings.blogspot.com

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Pretty impressive equestrian skills Mrs. Tuna! I love the image of 7 kids running amok at the horse farm. It sounds like my neighborhood when I was a kid - there were 6 or 7 kids in every house but ours. My Mom thought she was the smart one with just three.

Let'sMakeADifference said...

Am blog hopping and found yours. Am now a follower! Would love for you to check out my blog and follow back!

doreen said...

Oh you are just too funny and talented. I owned a horse once for six months. I loved her so much but she would run, really run and then just stop and duck her head. I never flew off gracefully and when I hit a spiked wire fence the love affair was over..just ouch!
Now my 11 year old grand daughter is a horse lover and wants one oh so bad...
I promised her if I sold a lot of books she could have one and the farm to put it on!
Happy Friday and I love chicken salad with crackers...

Elle said...

My husband wants a horse really bad. I don't think he really wants to take care of a horse though. We have a small field but no barn yet so he probably isn't getting a horse..this year anyway. I had one once but had to keep it at a friends house and that really isn't the same.
New follower from the 40 and over blog hop.
www.wyrdings.blogspot.com

Wickless in Seattle said...

I'm over 18 and I love your blog, but the cute picture of the horse did help. Thanks for visiting my site earlier. I'll be stopping by more often.

Wickless in Seattle said...

I put on my big girl panties, left and comment and became a follower. :)

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

That really is cool! I'm sorry about your poor horse though.

That recipe looks perfect for summer and I'm going to try it which is saying something because I'm usually not that ambitious.

Also, my youngest daughter has mild Vasovagal Syncope and is on a high salt diet. I'm thinking your moms system, hmmm...maybe that would mellow her out a little bit ; )

Manzanita said...

So you really still jump with horses? How old are you? I hope you never break anything because arthritis will plague you in those spots when you're my age. As my youngest son is already discovering from his skiing days. Good luck and be careful. You write a funny blog.
Love and Peace.

Sandra said...

Is it wrong that I'm suddenly hot for you after seeing you on that jumping horse?
Such a talent. Although you write this very nonchalantly, like hanging with horses is not a big deal, you would have been a hero among the little girls in my class when I was a kid. I remember one time, a girl had told me that she had two horses and she was going to give me one. Of course she didn't because who gives away their horse. But she was my best friend then. Until I figured out I wasn't actually getting a horse.
Anyway, your humility in this area (pardon the pun) is charming!

Stephanie said...

Seven kids? Wow. The horse stable was a brilliant method of burning off mega energy!

Mrs4444 said...

I'm impressed; you're still doing something that you love, even though its DANGEROUS. You're a tough cookie!

Missy said...

I Barrell Raced Quarter Horses until about the age of 16. It was then I discovered boys! I should have stuck with the horses! LOL

Stuff could be worse said...

I Love the beauty of horses! I see you have a life of horses, jumping etc. I hope it goes well.

EmptyNester said...

No wonder so many folks down here are into horse shows! Thanks for clearing that up for me-LOL I always loved riding but never had the opportunity for anything more than fun.

Frogs in my formula said...

Yay, something new to do with chicken. And a horse with a silly mask to boot. This site is one-stop shopping.

Kernut the Blond said...

Long legs? That's what keeps you on the horse? No wonder I've had such trouble riding - mine are proportionately short. Awesome.

My sister is also into riding, and quite good at it.

When Lad is done with the drugs, can I have some? I could use them right about now.

Kernut the Blond said...

I should explain - my sister has long legs. That's probably why she can stay on and I can't.

Bella Michelle said...

Oh yeah...it will hurt more now...no doubt! Thanks for the recipe. I tried to pry my friends amazing chicken salad recipe from her but no luck (she will die with it I am sure).

Sarah @ Life as a Movie said...

Great picture of you jumping! How is the horse?

The Chick said...

I love horses, such beautiful animals! I always wanted to ride, but no money meant no lessons. Although I never contemplated them having psychiatric disorders LOL! I must admit that I do fear falling off after the Chris Reeve thing, but as the old saying goes, you gotta get back on that horse ;) Oh and thanks for your commentary on my blog, I do see when you stop in and I appreciate every comment, I'm just trying to figure out how to get a reply feature in my comments boxes :) I would like to reply personally rather than at the end of a bunch of posts KWIM ;) I hope today is a good one, and I'm pocketing the Chicken Waldorf Salad recipe!

bettyl said...

Horses are such great creatures! They make riding look effortless!

Will have to try the recipe. Looks really yum.

Antares Cryptos said...

Hello Equestrian. ;)

Antares Cryptos said...

I don't have "big girl panties". Does that mean I have to remove my comment?

Kelly L said...

Great picture! I was on a horse once at my uncle's ranch in OK. I was about 7 years old. I fell off the back and rolled into a gully with water moccasins - it was pretty scary... My kids and husband love to ride (Okay they did it once in UT.. but they loved it) They talk about going back to Zion to ride again..
Love to you
Kelly
I've Become My Mother
Kelly's Ideas
Amazing Salvation

Marla said...

Another great post, Mrs. Tuna. Love the last photo. Simply duckie!

We have horses too but not the fancy sort like you Tunas do. Ours are ragged farm things. I have one that I jump with only it's never on purpose.