Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Vagina Aisle

First, if you love me Team Tuna you will like me on Facebook? There's a little button below my profile and above my followers. It's a work in progress, don't judge.

I feel for the Big Tuna, our entire married life he has been surrounded by women. Hormone producing, emotional, weeping females. As a burly blue collar guy, it reduces him to hand wringing, throwing flowers at us and escaping to the garage. Not only did he have to feel his way through our daughter “Sheldon’s” teenage years every household pet has had girlie parts. He is swimming with his floaties in the deep end of the estrogen pool.


I keep thinking I’m on the far side of menopause but that tricky devil rears its ugly head in an erratic fashion. Like the day before I got laid off from Giant Engineering Company it paid a little visit. It could have gone either way, sad mascara stained face or condescending bitch. I’m still not sure which personality I flashed that day.

I make him get in touch with his sensitive side from time to time by strolling down the vagina aisle for tampons and pads with wings. He does it because on the good days we all know vaginas have super powers. And that PMS stands for Punish my Spouse. Thank goodness Sheldon is living in her own place, any man worth his salt knows that a gaggle of females cycle together. Since we all need a little comfort food to soothe the savage beast here is this week’s recipe.

Aunt Lenore’s Brownies
1 cup butter
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
Dash salt
4 squares chocolate melted over hot water
1 cup flour
2 cups chopped walnuts
1 teaspoon vanilla

Cream butter and sugar well. Add eggs one at a time and stir well. Add the rest of the ingredients. Spread in a greased 9” x 13” baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Cut in squares when cool. Mmmmmm...I feel less bitchy already.

I wish I could take full credit for the term Vagina Aisle, but I saw it on Rescue Me and about shot wine out my nose. I’m not technologically smart enough to copy and crop so just watch the first 3 minutes and give up. If I was able to do it I’d be an engineer, oh wait I am an engineer. You’re welcome.

39 comments:

EmptyNester said...

Hubs is quite familiar with the vagina aisle. In every store in town. He never had a chance what with me and 4 daughters. So he just kept his head down and plowed right on through. LOL

Rainbow said...

Thank you so much for the laugh today!!!!I am following you. My fiance is reading with me, and he got the biggest kick...don't worry he will visit that vagina aisle soon!!!He even asked me...with you? no honey you may have to go alone sometime!!!they wont bite!

I put on my big girl panties ;)
Blessings
Rainbow

Word Nerd said...

My poor hubs has always been in the minority, too. Well, until now. The kids have all flown the coop and sweet Maggie the beagle died last year. The latest dog, a Cavalier King Charles spaniel who thinks the title means something, is a boy. On, nooooooo.

By the way, I tried to like your page on Facebook but couldn't find it. Mrs. Tuna? Nope. Team Tuna? Uh-uh. Working Woman's Guide to Dinner or If I Cook Chicken A La King One More Time I'll Kill Myself? Nada.

If you link it, they will come.

Mrs. Tuna said...

Just hit on the "Mrs. Tuna" right below my profile and above my followers. Stupid technology.

LOLA said...

Very funny, My Dear Mrs. Tuna. Especially "swimming with his floaties in the deep end of the estrogen pool." Will NOT make the brownies. Have lost 15 1/2 pounds and refuse to gain them back. Stop tempting me. Ah, menopause. I didn't even realize I was going through it until I got so crazy I was fired from my job in a doctor's office. I worked so hard that I thought the hot flashes were from the hard work. I didn't even know that night sweats was a symptom. And I'm always pretty crazy. Crazy is as crazy does.

Love,
Lola

Rainbow said...

Mrs. Tuna
thank you for stopping by :-) I am following you but not sure why I am not showing up...sigh...hope you are doing well

Love n hugs
Rainbow

Mamma has spoken said...

Your post so reminds me of a friend who had four daughters and would claim to own stock in Kimberly Clark because she knew they would always have business thanks to her household.
Hubby would never buy me personal care products....

KSK said...

:) I can't wait until Jerk Face gets better acquainted with the 'vagina aisle'! He's visited a few times already... but now we have a daughter.. and perhaps more later :)

Shawn said...

HaHaHa!
It's 6:30 am, coffee shot out of MY nose! Thanks for sharing! I had a girlypartectomy at 32, my daughters have been out of the house for years...it has been a long time since I had to deal with any of this, thanks for the walk down memory lane!

Paula said...

I love Rescue Me, I started watching it on Netflix a few weeks ago and I am hooked. Also, those brownies sound so so good!

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

You are hilarious! Oh and I LOVE brownies :)

Angie said...

I feel for your hubby! My step-dad and brother had 6 of us women to deal with all cycling on and off a really evil angry red river of snark and tears. It really is a wonder they bothered coming home some days/weeks... okay years. :)

Thx for the recipe! I never realized home made brownies could be so simple! I feel like I've been giving Duncan Hines my money for too long!

blueviolet said...

Poor guy! It's hard enough for us to put ourselves through it but we have to drag them along.

Kernut the Blond said...

HAHAHA! Poor Mr. Tuna having to shop for ladies things. I "liked" your page. I've got one, too, and hope you'll join!

I'll be in Sedona on Saturday for a week or so. Come visit if you can!

Nicki said...

"Swimming with his floaties in the deep end of the estrogen pool."

Someone HAS to turn that into a blog title.

Plain Jane said...

I agree with Nicki! That would be the best blog title EVER. Mr.Evil Wife has no problem shopping in the Vagina Aisle; however, he usually buys the wrong thing. I guess he gets points for trying.

Hilary said...

I love a man who is comfy on that isle... I am lucky, my guy does that shopping for me.. cracks me up every time he calls me to check what exactly I use...

Vesta Vayne said...

Oooooh, Brownies! I have all but the chocolate squares...I think you just forced me to go to the market.

My dad had teen girls, wife, and all girly animals too - bless his heart he had some rough years.

Xmas Dolly said...

LOL Well, I never had that problem being as four kids & 2 were girls, but I got divorced when they were little & didn't remarry until after they were married. That was me mom & dad all rolled into one! Thanks for sharing your story though. Already following & have a great weekend.

Andrea said...

New follower from the over 40 hop. Was intrigued by the heading about dinnertime--can't decide if I hate that time of day because of dinner making or if I hate dinner making at that time of day. Either way, I think these brownies sound fine for dinner!

dbs said...

I've been forced to shop in the vaginal aisle. But I make my teenaged son come with me. He's in training.

Posh said...

Stopping by from the Friday Hops to say hello.
Have a great weekend!
POSH
http://poshonabudget.com/2011/10/friday-friend-connect-8.html

Sandra said...

The vagina aisle...now why didn't I think of that?! Your hubs is a trooper. But then again, I would think living with you would be a ray of sunshine and light every day, so the least he can do is buy you tampons. And learn how to crop those videos would ya, I don't have three minutes!...ok, I just felt I should express some emotion, I'm PMSing.

shah wharton said...

Here from the hop, saying hi! :shah. http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/10/weekend-creation-blog-hop-book-review.html

Rachael said...

Thanks for the yummy recipe!


I am a new GFC & Facebook follower from About A Mom.
Please follow back when you can.
http://GrandmaReviews.com
http://facebook.com/GrandmaReviewsBlog
http://twitter.com/#!/GrandmaReviews

Rebecca said...

Hello, I'm your newest follower and would love it if you could follow me back :)

http://www.ifonlylifecouldbethatsimple.blogspot.com/

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Your husband has a kindred fellow wandering around helpless at our house. He escaped earlier this morning ducking a volley of diatribe from our youngest hormone explosion.
Those brownies might be the best medicine.

But I knew he was a keeper when we were still dating and went to the store to buy tampons For Me!

Mommy Bags said...

OMG the Vagina Aisle is brilliant. Yep my poor hubby is in the same situation all ladies in the house. He is a trooper though he has gone out to get me some "product" whe I have been to PMS'd out to deal with the store and cashiers.

Jennifer said...

Hi, I'm a new follower on FB from the Weekend Wander blog hop. Hop over and say HI if you get a chance.
Jennifer from Just Wedeminute

Nora B. Peevy said...

I'm over from the Crazed Fan Hop. This is my first weekend participating. I am a dark fiction author and your linky title caught my eye this weekend. LOL

The recipe sounds yummy ...

-Nora
http://norabpeevy.blogspot.com/

TriGirl said...

It's just the two of us in our house, and I still don't envy my husband 2 weeks out of every month. They must really love us, eh?

mmbear said...

Stopped by from a blog hop and now following you here on FB, somehow I already followed on GFC but not here. But I am now. Would love follow back on FB when you get the chance. Thanks!

Mary@http://www.mmbearcupoftea.com

~April~ said...

I just hopped by to Say Hi Sunday! :-)
Followed you on GFC
http://ramblingandadventure.blogspot.com/

Pearl said...

My dear Mrs. Tuna,

The brownies look lovely, but you forgot to post the recipe for the best Bloody Mary. I find one (oh, okay, two) applied internally puts a softer edge on the perimenopausal edges.

Pearl

The Accidental Somebody said...

As long as the poor man isnt sinking...swimming with the floaties is A-OK. More power to that poor man!

Terri Babin said...

Stopping by for Say Hi Sunday! Please follow back at http://www.EcoCrazyMom.com and feel free to add your link to my Blog Directory under the "Bloggers" tab. I look forward to keeping in touch!

Smiles,
Terri
@EcoCrazyMom

Red Nomad OZ said...

Haha, hilarious as usual! Tragically I haven't facebooked yet - but when I do, you'll be the first to be befriended ...

The Defiant Marshmallow said...

I don't care if you borrowed "Vagina Aisle"; I'm just happy you used it here. I'm laughing myself silly reading it. As a male with four male underlings, two male dogs, and only one female spouse, I understand the inequities of gender in homes.

But my question is this: If my wife is outnumbered 6:1, then why does she still always win?

LC Hunt said...

What a hoot :) Keep him humble girl!