Friday, October 21, 2011

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Have you ever wondered why Mrs. Tuna picked a picture of a dog wearing reading glasses for my profile? Working at Giant Engineering Company I needed a disguise in order for them to think I was a serious and dedicated employee, blah, blah, blah. Interesting enough once I removed the superhero outfit I could reveal myself to a fellow employee/blogger that I’d been secretly following. Please visit Mr. Twintastic today since his wife is birthing those babies as we speak and wish them congrats. So glad Sheldon is all grown up, don’t think I could live through baby barf in my hair and the smell of poopy diapers overtaking the house again.


We got the lovely Penelope when she flunked out of guide dog school for being too timid to cross the street. I didn’t believe them until I was at a horse show with her and she balked at going up metal steps. After carrying 65 pounds of wimpiness up the stairs I pondered how this might be a tiny bit difficult if I was eyeless. She was what they called a “soft” dog, bred more for companionship then whack a doodle Labradors of old. They are happy to lie politely at your feet. The translation is she and Tonka the high functioning idiot savant mutt are all whipped up when you put your tennis shoes on for a faux run but are dragging at the leash by the time I hit the end of the cul de sac.

I’ve been doing my magazine workout in the backyard and when I start running in the yard the mongrels are convinced we’re chasing feline intruders running crazy, snarling, wrestling circles. They biffed me out yesterday by crashing into me. All of could think of is has the Big Tuna’s health insurance started covering me. Thought I broke my arm, but mostly bruised my ass. A freaking giant hawk flew down last week and snatched a pigeon off the birdbath and killed it in front of them. The little chicken shits wouldn’t even consider a romp to chase away, the hawk might have carried them off too.

But mostly I find Penelope to be passed out after those little 5 minute jaunts that seem to sap her energy. A few shots on how she spends her days, every day, every hour.

In the back yard


In the hall


Please note how the sofa cushions are turned up to prevent napping on the sofa


You little hussy


Recipe du jour? Something to celebrate the sluggish in all of us.

Lazy Dog Pot Roast
2-3 pound chuck or pot roast
1 package onion soup
1 large yellow onion, peeled and quartered
4 potatoes peeled and chunked
1-1/2 cups baby carrots

In large crockpot dump in onion soup mix and dilute with a few cups of water. Place beef in bottom and layer with veggies. Add enough water to cover. Cook on high for 4 to 5 hours and turn down to low for an additional 2 hours. The perk on this is that leftover beef can be sliced and eaten as sandwiches with mayo and hot peppers. YUM!

But the weirdest behavior is that any stuff dog toy we bring home she immediately gnaws off their eyes in order to fulfill her destiny to help the blind. Nothing like owning a working dog.

Enjoy reading this? Well this is a double header. After leaving me an adoring comment here, run over to In the Powder Room and read “Layoffs and Stroganoffs” where I figure out that labret is not Latin for labia and leave another amazing note there.

41 comments:

Angie said...

Penelope seems like my kind of dog!

Andrea said...

I am glad she is comfortable with her laziness. I would be self conscious if someone captured the sloth I was on Monday (um, yes, as if the rest of the week was so energized). Gotta go as our canine pal seems to be having an allergy attack...THAT is going to exhaust him!

Tina said...

My White Dog is like Penelope, our Replacement Dog, not so much. If I could bottle just 1/4 of Replacement Dog's energy I could porbably power the state of Texas for six months. She wears me out

Sandra said...

Adoring comment already left at ITPR. As for Penelope, I think this is my favourite post of your yet! And I love Penelope's name. And I love that she's not ashamed of her girlie bits. And I love her life. I'll let you put a collar and leash on me if you'll provide me with a cute little mattress like Penelope's where I can sleep as much as I want.

LOLA said...

I'm in love. Heading to the powder room next.

Love,
Lola

Word Nerd said...

It's not just 5th graders, Penelope is smarter than me, too.

Oh, and sorry about your ass.

EmptyNester said...

Tucker would like to know just what the hell else is there for a doggie to do anyway? LOL

Totally enjoyed this post- as I always do! Now, I'm headed to the Powder Room to read there!

Suz said...

Her chin really likes the floor, doesn't it?

KSK said...

Lazy dogs are the best... probably. I'm a cat person. I know, we can probably never be friends now. ;)

The Zadge said...

I love dogs so much more than people.

Jean | Delightful Repast said...

I've never cared for dogs (I'm a cat person), but Penelope is a dog I could love. You see, the thing that puts me off dogs is that they're so rambunctious, darting around, knocking into things, jumping up on me - I can't stand it - but a dog lazy to the point of inertia is a dog I could love!

blueviolet said...

She's adorable while being lazy though. Love how you tied the recipe title to it. :)

My Inner Chick said...

Penelope is a dog after my own heart :)

Cyn said...

awwww what a life huh? i had a lab just like her (honey) when i was a kid.

yes... you do follow me on my mama blog the purple goddess.

thanks for playing along in my *no more muffin top blog hop* -- you rock!!!
♥cyn♥
misadventures of a chunky goddess

Kimberly said...

I want her life...seriously.
I have a chocolate lab. I'm surprised at how comfortable they can make the floor look. Don't let it fool you though...it is not.

Mommy Bags said...

Your dof=g and my dog should get together...lol

Hilary said...

that hussy picture kills me! too cute!

Mommie Dearest Strikes Again said...

Our Lucy is a hussy too. And I think we need to copy you with the sofa cushions, because she is also a big sneak.

I'm so excited to try that roast - I have a chuck roast in the freezer and it is kind of chilly here (well, you know, for Florida!!) so I think I'm going to make that tomorrow. Thanks!

dbs said...

Like.

Mark said...

Poor old girl. I'm talking about Penelope by the way! I have one nutsy dog who is young and will probably live forever. And then, I have my old boy who I plan on writing about tomorrow. He reminds me a lot of your baby.
Enjoy your Sunday.
m.

Joann Mannix said...

Oh, how I wish my moron twins would get a little bit of that laziness gene.

And by the way, I love Penelope's name, ultra-feminine. My girls are Sophie and Delilah. They are insane with the energy, but they are also 65 pound cowards. If they see a bug crawling, they come running and hide behind me, quivering. Our neighbor's 4 lb rat terrier, can bark at them and they flee howling and crying into the house. It's hilarious.

Kristy said...

The running in the backyard bit created a hilarious visual! So silly!

Ms Bibi said...

When we got a new puppy I was hoping for something with not as much energy cause frankly who has time to chase a dog around all day (apparently my kids don't)....I wasn't that lucky....nothing lazy about my hyper dog....so jealous...

Nicki said...

We have to do the SAME THING with our couch cushions. Never mind that there are three dog beds laying around the house, apparently the couch is more comfortable.

Sush said...

Oh I just was dying laughing the entire way through....were you by any chance spying in my house and seeing my own dog rule my roost? She is the queen of slothful living! Although at 15 yrs almost 16 I give her some bennies just for standing up...
Hugs~

mark @ yelling near you said...

Your recipe sounds delicious and Penelope looks like a very sweet dog. We do exactly the same thing with the couch cushions when we leave the house. Louis knows he's not allowed on them unless invited but if no one is around to invite, he takes the liberty of inviting himself.

Paula said...

She's so cute! I wish our dog would lay around more often rather than digging nonstop and barking all of the time.

Kernut the Blond said...

One of my favorite quotes: "I have lived with many Zen masters, all of them cats." - Eckhart Tolle.

It seems that your dog can be added to the list of Zen creatures.

About the exercise: I told you that shit was dangerous.

Romina Garcia said...

Lol!! It's a dog's life isn't it!! Love her :-)

Frosty Duncan said...

the parental duncans got a chocolate lab hound 15 years ago and mama duncan bragged to a dog trainer about how she would teach her tricks and make her a superdog, she was laughed at by said dog trainer, said dog trainer was correct. My first meeting with kiwi i jumped down to wrestle with her and she hid in the bathroom. but she was well loved

Angie said...

Penelope reminds me of our dog. After a couple laps in the backyard she lays down and doesn't move for hours!

Love the recipe too. I make pot roast in the crock pot and it is HEAVEN!

Life As I Know It said...

I think I have to start moving our couch cushions too. I just came home this morning to the dog lounging on the couch. She didn't even move when she saw me!

Kara said...

hahaha! Oh Penelope! She's certainly a boundless bundle of energy, isn't she? :)

I Wonder Wye said...

Actually she sound brilliant. Has it all figured out! I had a cat that nibbled out the eyes from all his catnip mice right away, too -- he never flunked blind school though...

Mrs. Pancakes said...

How cute is the doggy!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

That is my kind of dog!

Ixy said...

I was already greatly enjoying this post when you smacked it out of the park with this fantastic ending line:

"...where I figure out that labret is not Latin for labia and leave another amazing note there."

Bravo!

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

My dog is so tired in the morning you practically have to bring breakfast to him. It must be good to be so relaxed like a pooch!

rumpydog said...

Oh Dog! I love your dog! I bet I could out-lazy her though.

Diana said...

You are friggin HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! Hate to tell ya but I recently met a belly slut (dog who lies like your little hussy puppy) and man do they milk it!!!

Pilante said...

Love sleeping dog! Just feel very funny!