Friday, January 13, 2012

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Office

I’m back in the grind with all those little candy assed kiddos at ASU. One week in and I’ve already had to drop one class that was supposed to be my “easy” class in Leadership. I mean I have mad guidance skill, I know how to use the carrot  and stick approach, I am the Grand Poobah of Leadership.  First quiz had questions like “A theory that identifies the essential behavior for a type of leader is best classified as prescriptive and universal, true or false?”  Say what Willis? Isn’t a universal prescriptive like legal marijuana or something? Yeah, we’re just moving on to History of Popsicles instead.



Itty Bitty Consulting is limping along but in order to get clients I have to get out to those meet and greets to drum up new business. I’ve been a bit of slacker, whipping on mascara and calling it good. Now it involves eye shadow and lip gloss and hairspray. That translates into starting the day with Full Frontal Makeup. I’ve also been struggling with work shoes, for some reason they all seem too big. I’ve certainly not lost an ounce of weight in the last three months.  Maybe the Big Tuna is a secret cross dresser, that would be a news flash after 30 years.

My new satellite office is housed in the front seat of my F150 truck.  Join me in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Office won’t you?  I feel like a freaking donkey lugging all my crap out.  Dora Explorer backpack with textbooks, laptop, briefcase, flat shoes for driving, high heels for meeting, snacks, water, lunch bag etc., etc. etc. I’m compelled to make it all in one trip. I’m not sure why, I am woman hear me roar?  I start my journey at the cheapest place for gasoline the little 4 pump Circle K at the end of the road. But WHY!!!! Pray tell, do you assholes pull up to the pump, text your all your buddies your plans for 10 minutes and THEN go inside to pay for gas. Maybe scrounging change from the floor dulls you to the extreme line of honking cars. F*ckers. Since we’re back to crazy schedules here’s an easy one for Team Tuna.

Easy Chicken Enchilada Skillet
1 Tablespoon oil
1 pound chicken  breasts cut into bite size pieces
1 can chicken broth
¼ cup ranch dressing
1 tablespoon flour
3 flour tortillas cut into small pieces
1 cup Mexican style shredded cheese
½ cup salsa

Heat oil in large deep skillet on medium heat. Add chicken and cook for 7 minutes or until cooked through stirring occasionally,. Mix broth, dressing and flour until well blended, gradually add to skillet, stirring constantly. Add tortillas, stir to combine. Bring to boil. Reduce to heat medium low, simmer 3 minutes. Spike with cheese and cover. Simmer 3 to 5 minutes or until cheese is melted. Top with salsa

Not having a steady job has resulted in wolfing down granola bars and yogurt between these faux work gatherings. I have been known to be slurp down a Dannon with a plastic fork for Pete’s sake. I tell myself it’s to keep my girlish figure but frankly I’m too cheap to treat lunch for your business.  But I will be happy to meet you at Starbucks and continue my little affair with the barista, Travis.  I’m back to overdosing on my toast colored lover.  And maybe I’m just a bit too jumpy with that extra  jolt. Multitasking in my new office has a few drawbacks, including spilling my java lover all over my lap. As I reached into the glove box praying for a few napkins to blot my skirt all I could find was a maxipad.  Let’s just say they really are absorbent and leave it at that shall we? Forget the Traveling Office I would have given my first born for a set of Traveling Underpants. 

55 comments:

Gia said...

That sounds so delicious it almost makes me want to stop being a vegetarian. Or maybe it just makes me wish I could make a vegetarian version of that.

EmptyNester said...

Say what?! I do not comprehend. LOL

Sounds like you're quite the busy lady-or, dare I call you-Wonder Woman?!

Vapid Vixen said...

I'm not sure why but Full Frontal Makeup sounds dirty in my head. *shrug*

Well done with the maxi pad!!!

Janie Junebug said...

You are a success. You got me to smile, and I've had a bitch of a day. Re: makeup -- I read that it's essential to line your lips with a lip pencil before you put on lipstick. If you can't find the lip pencil that matches your lipstick, then DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT FIVE MILLION DOLLARS. LOSER. I think you'd better set up a nanny cam to find out if the Big Tuna is pulling an Ed Wood with your clothes. Or have you stretched your shoes with the Big Tuna's bulky white running socks you've taken to wearing now that you can't afford hose? Here's a great First Aid tip: Car accident. Someone who is not you because we want to hurt other people has a wound that's bleeding profusely. Grab that maxi pad from the glove box or find the tampon in the bottom of your purse and put one or the other on the wound, applying pressure of course. Those lady tools are great at soaking up all sorts of blood.

Love ya,

Janie Junebug, who used to be Lola

Hey! Have you joined my now-private blog? I don't think I've seen you lurking there. If you need a coveted invitation, then email me at dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com.

Amee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mamma has spoken said...

I keep maxi pads in my glove compartment too! It's been there for the past six years, never to be needed. Now I know what to do with it.

Frogs in my formula said...

Your office sounds very quaint...and absorbent! You go, girl.

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

That dish sounds AWESOME! My husband loves anything with ranch in it :0)

P.S. The bit about Full Frontal Makeup is awesome! Lately I've needed to use more than just mascara. I need to watch some of those youtube videos on how to apply makeup ;)

Julie said...

Hey. That's my butt in those jeans in that picture.

(Okay, no it's not. You caught me. I like shredded cheese way too much.)

Nicole said...

Reminds of when I worked out of my tiny place in Boston. Not a car, but the room was as small as the cab of a truck.

Glad to read you have a few projects. Hope Itty Bitty get too big for its britches, right quick.

momto8 said...

true. sounds true. prescriptive and universal sounds good.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Well ... you're lucky! It could just as easily have been red wine you were mopping up with that maxipad ...

It must be great having a mobile office - but where are the bathrooms??!!

Angie said...

I think that chicken dish sounds simple and fattening! I am going to make the girl child spend a little time cooking that for me one of these evening. Heck, maybe even the boy child!

The full frontal makeup seems so fancy at first, but once you're back in the swing of it you'll be all fancied up like a painter's pallet and out the door in 30 minutes or less!

Mrs. Tuna said...

Frick, Google blogspot is having a comment implosion. If you have tried leaving a comment and have been rejected, please email me at missestuna@gmail.com so I can start sending hate mail. Thanks Peeps.

Andrea said...

Somewhere along the line in the description of your traveling office I started to hear the Mary Tyler Moore theme song..."You're gonna make it after all!"

alaina said...

Eek I've done the "spill coffee on my pants right as I pull into my work's parking lot". It sucks. The only solution is to laugh about it (crying will only make you're mascara run!).

Nicki said...

Dannon with a fork? Now that's dedication.

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

I just wanted to stop by again and tell you thank you so much for your well wishes :0) You're so sweet!

Kimberly said...

Mrs. Tuna...
Or shall I say Dora???
I haven't been able to comment :(
Just from my computer but for some reason it works on my iPod. Go apple...anyhoodles, you're not the only blogger blog that's like that. I thought it was just my shitty laptop.

Nikki said...

I read the rest of the blog, but the only thing I really saw was that yummy recipe you posted lol. I'm going to have to try it out :D

Annie (Lady M) x said...

That was WELL funny - the bit about you blotting your skirt with a maxipad. You do make me laugh. It sounds like you are starting to make things happen .... I really hope they take off for you.

By the way, it's nice to catch back up with you after Chrimbo!!

Tigertamer said...

Thanks for the follow :) love your blog I was following you under my other blog. I keep maxi's in my console and thankfully haven't had to get them but now know some other use.

Thanks for the yummy recipe

Gina

Kristy said...

candy assed kiddos at ASU

LOVE THAT.

And those university professor types? Take themselves way too seriously.

Jennie M said...

Cute, love the humor! I found you on a hop. New follower. Enjoy the weekend!

Donna McBroom-Theriot said...

I am lovin' your blog and can't wait to read more. I sure hope you'll take a sidetrip over to my blog for a visit and follow. Hope to see you there. Donna

http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com

Recipe sounds great!

s8r8l33 said...

Just found you through the social parade at Smart & Trendy moms! Following with GFC @s8r8l33 Twitter @s8r8l33 & FB @SaraLee E Please follow back.

Kara said...

You suspect your husband has been wearing and stretching your high-heeled shoes?! You're too funny!

Gene Pool Diva said...

Yep Mrs. Tuna, it's award season.

http://www.genepooldiva.com/2012/01/from-rob-over-at-httprwwgreene.html

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

"universal prescriptive" = Beer.

Brenda Stevens said...

oh gosh..you SO got me giggling; Full Frontal Makeup LOLOLOL i so RELATE
and then DORA...LOLOL omy gosh i started LOL here on the couch and started coughing again..hehe its all GOOD!

I don't have any ranch dressing yet can give this a whirl..who would think cutting up the tortillas and i am in a shredding type of mood..this might WORK! hehe So glad you shared woman! and just think..no frontal needed..hehe just "ABOUT FACE" time to march in the kitchen

November Rain - k~ said...

Fun post all the way around!

Jenn said...

Gosh I really enjoyed this post. I am smiling ear to ear. I have to try the Chicken Enchilada recipe. I love Enchilada's!

Word Nerd said...

I don't miss work shoes or full frontal make-up, but I still try to lug everything I can in one load.

Jo said...

Haven't done full frontal makeup but a couple of times since retirement a year ago! lol Loved the shoe story and imagined your Big Tuna strutin' around in your dress shoes! Too funny woman.
Mobile offices aren't as cool as some think, but they get the job done!
:)

Frugal in WV said...

Great post, definitely made me smile :) The recipe sounds yummy!

Dances With Vodka said...

I like your style!

krystimarie said...

hello. I am a new follower from the blog hop.
Can you please follow me back?

http://www.countryliving-productreviews.blogspot.com

Cathy at Wives with Knives said...

I hear you on this one! There are many of us whose office is the front passenger seat in the car. Sometimes its even the front floor. Whatever works...

Laoch of Chicago said...

Where are the habaneros in your recipe?

Claudia Moser said...

Too bad I had dinner :)

The Defiant Marshmallow said...

I have to be more on top of getting to the comments sooner. 40 f*cking comments ahead of mine? Jeebus! It's what I get for waiting a week to write something here.

Anyway...

Full Frontal Makeup. That's what I'm taking away from all of this. I'm such a juvenile.

Pearl said...

You're setting a dangerous precedent here, getting all fired up and organized.

:-)

Pearl

Not Blessed Mama said...

Oh god, full frontal make-up is the worst. I totally fear it.

P.s. You should totally get a tramp stamp, it would be awesome. Tell the tattoo artist to make it "flattering to back fat" and it will be fine!

Stephanie said...

Oh you just gave me flashbacks.
1 To Philosophy Clasa 101 It was to be my bird course. The final 3 hour exam I was presented with 1 question. "Why?" OMG I do not think like philosopers.
2. The hell of the travelling office. Did it for YEARS. I wish you good drive thru coffee and much luck!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I can't believe you're already back to school now! It seems like we just got you on break. The recipe looks amazing!

CanadianMama said...

Secretly I hope you never find a job because I just love hearing about this stuff too much! I think you are too exciting for a job!

The Empress said...

I couldn't do it, Tuna...I hate make up, I hate bras, I hate fancy shoes.

The skillet enchilada, that? I could do.

Jenn and Casey said...

My car is my office too. I get it;)

I'm So Fancy said...

Ha ha! I love the maxi pad. I'm going to say that all a woman needs in her purse are baby wipes and Always with wings. You're prepared for literally any eventuality.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

OMG. Watchu talkin about Willis? I love you!

KAT said...

So funny! Why is it we think we must always carry everything with us but the kitchen sink (and we'd carry that if it would fit in a bag) LOL

The Frizzy Hooker said...

I want that...

Beverly Diehl said...

I've heard that not only are the, uh, above mentioned items really absorbent when wiping up a coffee spill, I've heard they are excellent for polishing the windshield. No streaks.

Not to fret, eventually you will get all your ducks in a row and your routine will get easier.

Alana said...

This was all over the place .... And it made me laugh regardless of the subject! I really like your humor!

Anonymous said...

OMG! How the hell do you manage to always crack me up? You are just too great for words... I adore you and this blog!

-Noshy