Monday, September 3, 2012

Return of the Naughty Schoolgirl


And we’re off!!!! Back on the gerbil wheel now that ASU is back in session. But I should be wary given the short life span of rodents. When Sheldon was a kid, her hamster Phoebe had looked a little peaked. When I called the vet they said they didn’t treat exotic animals. Since when was a $5 hamster considered an endangered species?  As the oldest chick in class, does that make me endangered or just dangerous? I floss freshmen out of my teeth.



As usual, I carefully scrutinize my horoscope on my very first day of class each semester.  As a 4 ½ star day, how could I go wrong?  “Ordinary aspects of your life seem to shout out for extra attention.” (Well Duh, who do you think you’re talking to?) “Someday you’ll be really glad to look at the pictures you took today.”  (Uh oh, did they follow me to the Wine Bar/Bat Cave after class?) I can see the end of the road in December when I hop, skip and jump to the Bachelor of Science.  Of course now I’m toying with solidering on for my Masters because I am a glutton for punishment like that. What are another two years and twenty thousand dollars?

In my History of Flip Flops class, the teacher called me a rock star for knowing all the answers. I don’t care if the 12 year olds hate me; I want to be the top of the heap.    I also can’t tell you how ECSTATIC I was that stupid couple from last semester isn’t in any of my classes. As you recall, they were the ones who were more focused on boinking like bunnies then actually doing any work.  If I were “disrespecting” you I would have called you bitch. Hope the little fuckers failed out.   Since we’re back to only having 14 seconds to cook, this week will be fast and furious.

Penne with Ricotta and Bacon
1 pound penne pasta
8 slices of bacon
½ onion minced
15 ounces whole milk ricotta cheese at room temperature
10 fresh basil leaves chopped

In large pot of boiling water, cook penne until al dente. Reserve one ladle of cooking water, then drain the pasta and transfer to serving bowl. In medium skillet, cook bacon until crisp. Remove bacon and add onion. Cook until golden about 10 minutes. Stir the onions and ricotta into pasta along with the reserved pasta cooking water. Crumble the bacon and sprinkle it over the pasta with basil.

Sheldon’s wedding plans to the Brit are moving along. I found a secondary dress. She rejected the first one, thinking the seams looked like it was inside out. Like you never woke up and put your shirt on backward before running to Starbucks.  The wedding colors are navy and silver, originally they were dreaming of orange and blue. All I could think about was the receiving line would have Denver Bronco cheerleaders with pompoms cheering Gooooooooo Marriage!   Hopefully, since she has once again deactivated her Facebook she won’t read this. Sheldon Honey.....tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic. Wishing you a fab week Team Tuna!!!! 

25 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

You had me at "bacon."

Mamma has spoken said...

You know those youngens hate you because you ruin the grade curve. When you said blue and orange all I thought of was Auburn University. Go War Eagles or Tigers whichever school of thought you belong to ;o)

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Oh how I have missed Mrs. Tuna! This weekend I am attending the wedding of my flower girl, circa 25 years ago, and I hear her colors are black and red, and her groom has requested a meal of fried chicken. Here's hoping I don't have a bucket of KFC on the table! Go Team Tuna!

MOV said...

tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic--

yep, i will be having that printed on a t-shirt. and wearing it, oh, everywhere.

WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!

xxo
MOV

Val said...

Do you ever slip up in your History of Flip Flops class, and refer to them by their original name, THONGS?

dbs said...

Love the sarcasm advice. You rock.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Wow! You ARE going for the random google hits with this blog post title, aren't you?!?!?! Hilarious as always ... I can't imagine what my reading life will be like if you DON'T go back to school!!!

ADoC said...

I had a love/hate relationship with being the oldest in class. Loved that I always knew the answers, hated that sometimes the teachers were actually younger than me.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

You are amazing with your dedication to school. I love it, and keep answering those questions.

That pasta sounds amazing!

Hilary said...

rock star!

this post cracked me up in so many spots... such a great way to start out a day!

denisemalloy.com said...

"Floss freshman out of my teeth" bahahaha!
And now I'll think of the Denver Bronco wedding all day long. Thanks for starting out my morning with a chuckle. Now get in there and show those freshman who's the boss!

Sandra said...

Like Sheldon, I should rely more on tact. Good to have you back my darling! Or have you been back and I've been rudely neglecting you? I'll have to check. Nevertheless, I am really glad you're back. I'm back in school too, so that means I have no time to cook, so will be relying on your quick and easy recipes exclusively for meal ideas. And what's wrong with having cheerleaders at the wedding?

Andrea said...

Somebody has to be the teacher's pet...might as well be you! :)

MOV is on to something with the t-shirts!!!

Stephanie said...

Best blog post title ever!!! (and I have to tell you, if I started cooking all the delish little numbers you put up on your blog I would weigh 400 lbs!!)

Kelly Louise said...

Head fan of Team Tuna here. Floss freshman out of your teeth. Love it, absolutely love it.

oceangirl said...

Hi Mrs Tuna, I know we had not been visiting each other in a while but I am taking my blog into private for a "real" break. I would like you to know and hope to see you again soon :)

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Kick butt Mrs. Tuna! Those 12 year olds don't have a chance. You could even change your major to the History of Flipflops. Do your thesis on Spicoli and you'll probably get research grants to live on the rest of your life ; )

Marianne said...

An inadvertant football-themed wedding? How fun would that have been?? Your posts almost make me want to turn on the oven (or is it the stove?). One day, my friend, one day.

Brenda Stevens said...

FLOSS FRESHMAN? lol :0) great write

Mommy Bags said...

That is because you probably are going to kick those 12 years old asses...I am so making this pasta dish.....

Kathy said...

There is nothing more satisfying than being top of the heap. Good for you!!!

Kathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

Kimberly said...

Confession: I may be starting school next week. I effed up the schedules and found out that they only offered the class from september to...well it doesn't matter. I'm shitting myself over here.
And yes, it is ridiculous how expensive it is. It's a crime!!!

Vapid Vixen said...

Wait, WHAT? Why does the brit even get a say in the dress you wear? What am I missing here? You're the Mother of the Groom. Don't you get to wear whatever the damn well you please?

Also, "I floss freshman out of my teeth"? LOVE this line. :)

WhisperingWriter said...

Mmm....bacon....

Jean | Delightful Repast said...

Besides avoiding team colors, you have to be careful the wedding date you choose doesn't happen to be the same date as a big game. Otherwise the reception will empty out and rabid fans will be glued to the nearest wide screen. Pathetic! Would love to see you in action, flossing those freshmen out of your teeth!