Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Real Sheldon of Orange County

Now that the Royal Wedding and mingling with the malcontent students is over, I feel like I have nothing entertaining to spill.  I peruse your blogs wishing I had two or three quips to string together into something that resembles an amusing blog post.  But I have an excuse, my horoscope told me to wait. “There is something satisfying about a good rant, and you might let yourself go on and on, especially in writing. But don’t deliver this in writing to anyone, sit on it awhile. “

See, I have a note to the principal.

Last weekend, I drove from Phoenix to Sheldon and the Brit’s new hood in Orange County. No spotting of Lisa Vanderpump or Adrienne Maloof. Not that I, ummm know about those housewives or anything.   It’s an adorable two bedroom closet for a mere king’s ransom every month.  Rather than sunning and funning, Sheldon and I splurged and purged all their co-mingling crud.  It was a combination of his apartment, her storage unit and all the wedding gifts including an unassembled dinette set.  Sheldon was pretty handy and finished putting together the chairs because as a woman, she knows how to read the directions. The son in law had to conveniently work all weekend to avoid the pitching/organizing fray.  Mostly, it made everybody like cranky overtired toddlers who needed to be put down for naps.

When I arrived Friday night I parked in the designated permit only space, querying Sheldon who assured me I had permission from property management. Let’s just say when I wandered out Saturday morning with several unpacked “borrowed” items to take back to Phoenix, I wasn’t stunned to discover it had been towed away.  A mere $310 buckaroos later, my little Ford Focus was sprung from car jail.  

I love Southern Cali, so beautiful with soothing ocean waves and glorious flora. But it is filled with all those annoying athletic and fit vegans sipping their soy lattes. Fuckers.   It made me feel frumpy and lumpy, like someone who eats sticks of butter for snack time. Thank goodness the ritzy Starbucks has a wine and cheese happy hour to drown my sorrows.   I’m embracing it, so here’s a nice fatty meal.

Fettuccine with Scallops with Lemons
1 pound green
1 pound fettuccine
5 Tablespoons butter (yes five, feel it adhering to your thighs)
¼ cup fresh lemon juice, about 4 lemons
1 pound scallops
2 cloves garlic
Salt to taste

Cook green beans as 1-inch pieces. Cook pasta per directions. Saut√© minced garlic in 1 tablespoon butter. Add scallops and cook for two minutes. Add beans and pasta. Simmer until scallops are opaque. Add lemon juice and remaining butter. Serve with parmesan cheese.  

The newlyweds are putting off babies for the time being. Instead, they have their rescue kitty, Awesome to fulfill their parental desires. It’s like a test run, we’ve all done that. “Getting a puppy is great training for kids”. Snort, right. Besides, we all know the second bedroom is for me to visit.  

You are welcome to pet me now. #youaremyslave

 P.S. I might try a new format or two. Perhaps random ridiculous one liners or a monthly What Not to Wear feature.  But always, always a recipe. Let me know what you think peeps. 


Andrea said...

Organizing and purging tales are like juicy tabloid reading for me!!!! So welcome back!

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Meg was wondering what Mrs. Tuna has been up to. Now she know that Fonzie told you to "Sit on It" right in your very own horoscope!

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...

Glad to see you around! I don't care what your format is, you are hilarious!

Mamma has spoken said...

I so understand the part about the heath freaks. Yea, I want to sit on them and stuff sticks of butter and french fries down their throats ;o)

Red Nomad OZ said...

I'm a great believer in cranky, overtired toddlers being put down too. But not so sure about the naps ...

And the green beans make that recipe healthy, right? RIGHT????

Hilary said...

"borrowed items" a tow... could the weekend get any better - it did.. starbucks had wine! Love you!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Careful. Those single surrogate 4 legged grandkids can morph into 15. At least mine did. Do what makes you happy on the blog just make sure to show up!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

That totally stinks that you got towed even though you expected as much! Congrats to the happy new couple!

Kerry said...

That recipe tempts me. An excuse to do something awesome with an excessive number of lemons I have right now. Lemons are very healthy and completely negate any ill effects that butter may have, trust me. Butter and lemons were made to go together.

Oh man, a $300 ticket. Bah.

Mommy Bags said...

welcome back...OC bleh all about northern cali....I don't believe they towed your car what the going to make this amazing dish this week!

WhisperingWriter said...

Oo I LOVE fettucine. But not scallops. I'm odd and do not like seafood.

The Empress said...

It made me feel frumpy and lumpy, like someone who eats sticks of butter for snack time.


I vote for a what not to wear. Love me some snarky fashion don'ts. speaking of which have you seen what is all over fb now? Overlarge women wearing TANK TOPS as skirts. YES. The arm holes are see through fringe benefits that their large hips roll out of.
google it.

Doreen said...

Starbucks had wine and cheese? Wow!
Jeeze there are a lot of vehicle NAZI's out there. I think these people take, how many people can I fuck with pills when they are given their ticket books and rights to have folks towed..

Jean | Delightful Repast said...

Though I don't like scallops enough to make them for myself, my dear sister-in-law loves both scallops and fettucine, so I must make this for her!

Joyce Lansky said...

There is nothing wrong with putting off having children as long as you don't wait so long that the biological clock runs out. Enjoy some nights out without having to pay a babysitter while you can.

The Defiant Marshmallow said...

I'm so sorry about the car towing.

But you made me laugh so hard with just one word, and you know which one that was. Perfectly placed. Perfectly used.