Sunday, October 13, 2013

Girl Interrupted

I remember when I use to have a blog, you remember when I had it too don’t cha? Oh the casual rants of a middle aged woman seeking to show the world that she was the biggest, baddest, smarty pants of them all. Balancing job layoffs, full time work, full time school, marrying off her beloved daughter, what the shit happened?

After birthing my graduation and Sheldon’s royal wedding, I somehow ran out of words, hard to believe.  I see dead people, okay not really you fraidy cats. Stop it. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs. See, all the letters of the alphabet at least are at my fingertips.   But I’m going to just throw up on paper what swirls in my head.  

I had the opportunity to revisit ASU last week under the guise of promoting the Engineering Career Fair. Sweaty palmed males wearing suits purchased for their sister's wedding clumped together like geeky future colleagues.  The wafts of Axe Body Spray alternated with overwhelming body odor that could kill a pyramid of cheerleaders.   Every moist and limp handshake made me feel compelled to gargle with hand sanitizer.

Apparently I am not considered booth babe enough for the raging male hormones and Beer Girl was assigned to “help”.  Her long flowing tresses and fake boobs certainly enticed the shy awkward boys in but instead of asking questions about their career goals and GPA, she quizzed them about the best spots for 2 for 1 shot night.  They gobbled her up like trick or treat candy.  This week's (or frankly this season’s) recipe is a simple avocado salsa that Sheldon fed me on one of my trips to see my beloved baby girl.

Avocado Salsa
1-Jalepeno seeded and chopped
3 tablespoons cilantro chopped
4 tablespoons red onion minced
3 to 4 avocados cubed
Juice from 2 limes

Throw it all in a bowl and stir. Done. Easy as pie people.  We ate it on top of grilled fish and then the leftovers with a spoon.  That way we could convince ourselves we were all noble and diet like because we didn’t use tortilla chips to scoop it up.  

How I’ve missed the campus life. It seems like a hundred years ago since I graduated but in truth, just a mere 10 months ago that I had fodder for this pathetic blog.  Seeing girls wearing shorts with their lady parts hanging down and Ugg boots have invigorated me.  Let’s hope the inspiration continues, next week maybe I’ll tell how I didn’t key that guy’s BMW and instead resisting the daily urge not to swing my car door into his for a well-deserved door ding.  Go Team Tuna.


Andrea said...

You seem vaguely remind me of a long lost friend it is so fabulous to see again! ;) Yum to that recipe!!!!

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Welcome home! I haven't blogged in 13 months.

My feelings on the shortyshorts? I think a person's shorts should be longer than their vagina.

mama .bonnie said...

Yea, it's been so long since you blogged that I had to go into hiding and take on a new identity. Seriously, all true hence why you don't recognize my name.....

Laoch of Chicago said...

No serrano peppers in your recipe?

Caren Gittleman said...

glad you had that visit because it is great to see you back!

Kimberly said...

The power of the slewts with fake tits.
Wearing UGGS.
I love wearing UGGs by the way. Don't judge me.
Do you think that you'll develop the black lung from all that body spray?
You might want to get that checked out.
Glad your back my friend.
Now be off, write and spit those words on here.
Do. It

julie gardner said...

My son turned sixteen this summer.
I may have spent the last few months in an AXE coma.

Welcome back, friend.
I've got plenty of hand sanitizer for you to borrow.

dbs said...

No apologies necessary. Living life is the best blog there is. Glad you popped back in though.

Janie Junebug said...

What was your name again? If you're going to blog again, then please get rid of the hideous prove you're not a robot thingy. Use comment moderation. You will be so much happier if you do as I say and do as I do. But then you'll be unemployed again and your daughter will be a whore.


Hilary said...

ran out of words?
I don't believe it...

Anonymous said...

Oh, yum. That is all. Yum. Ok, double yum.

Mommy Bags said...

It happens to all of us....I have been a truly shitty blogger the last few months...I deserve a spanking..bad blogger...BAD

Kathy said...

Sometimes you have to go out and experience life to be able to come back and have anything to say. Definitely shorty shorts with vagina dangling is great fodder for a blog. Stuff like that doesn't come along every day, but when it does you just got to write that down. LOL

Talya Tate Boerner said...

You found a few hilarious words for this post. LOL = me.

Jean | said...

Mrs Tuna, you haven't lost it! That guacamole sounds perfect, I must say. Wish I had a bowl of it right now to eat with a spoon, all noble and diet like. Oh, Axe--I remember when I was a little girl my much older brother used to dowse himself with massive amounts of Hai Karate and Jade East!

Janie Junebug said...

Perhaps you can make up (in part) for being an absentee blogger by sending me a birthday card ASAP for my (former) MIL's 80th? Her name is Margaret. Address:
Janie Goltz
PO Box 61371
Jacksonville FL 32236

I'd appreciate it so much.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I really wish you would post something Mrs. Tuna. Surely you have a dust up with a BMW to report?