Sunday, May 18, 2014

Fantastic!

It suffices to say that Endless Engineering was sucking the life out of me.  For the first time in my career, I felt like I could not engineer my way out of a paper bag.  What was there to blog about, Beer Girl using boobs and hair setting women’s rights back about 50 years?  And when she giggled and used her pageant pose when shit didn’t get done they giggled too and thought she was adorable?  It was more like Toddlers and Tampons then Tiaras. I.Was.Over.It.  

I began to realize that the favorite marketing word was “Fantastic”. The blond bimbo sat right outside my office, every other sentence included this gem. “You got the message I left you, fantastic!” “I have a fantastic marketing idea that includes Vegas showgirls on the sponsored golf hole!” “You had the admin person pick up my dry-cleaning? Fantastic!”  I made it a little mental drinking game. Every time she uttered her favorite word I took a mental tequila shot. The only problem was that I was punch drunk by 9 AM.  

But……I have escaped and we will never speak of it again. Except in snarky and amusing ways. Boss 1 couldn’t be bothered to set up time for an exit interview. He wants to know if we can have lunch in a few weeks and do it then. Ummm…..Pass.

My new project manager job starts tomorrow. Company name to be decided upon suitable reflection time and personalities are developed. Since I don’t want to be sued for slander by Endless Engineering, I will move on….for now.


Instead I will share the joys of home improvements in the form of bathroom remodeling.   The Big Tuna and I only have about a 90 minute shopping tolerance.  Making it very difficult to compare color swatches and textures when so overwhelmed but the choices. But the Man has a fatal shopping flaw. HE CAN’T STAY WITH THE CART!!!!  A prime example was once when I had my gallbladder out, I invited him to come help me with the heavy lifting.  He would drift off to miscellaneous aisles to return with armloads of snacks and treats. I could hardly push those $268 in groceries to the checkout stand.

In the tile store I was trying to work with their in store consultant only to spot the Big Tuna wandering in the wood floor aisle.  “This is why after 30 years, I shop alone, come here, come here, come here”, I shriek across the warehouse of wholesale tile using the front office megaphone.  Price check on marital sanity.  This week I tried a new casserole. Yum.

Sausage-Green Bean Casserole
2 Tablespoons olive oil
12 ounces frozen green beans defrosted in microwave
1 small onion chopped
1 pound ground Italian sausage
½ cup roasted red peppers chopped
2 cloves garlic minced
1-16 ounce tube cooked polenta (found at Trader Joe’s) cut in ¼ inch rounds
½ cup chicken broth
½ cup shredded parmesan cheese

Heat olive oil and brown onion and garlic until translucent. Add ground sausage and brown. Stir in red peppers and green beans and cook 2 minutes. Layer polenta, sausage mixture, polenta, sausage mixture. Top with chicken broth and parm cheese. Bake at 425 degrees for 20 minutes.


But I figured out what many women before have used to tether their escaped convicts/husbands.  Hey baby, will you hold my purse, I’ll only be a minute.  Have Fantastic Week! Now drink up. 

10 comments:

Hilary said...

I think i have to steal your office mental drinking game….

Andrea said...

Now all I can hear is Bill Cosby doing that "come here, come here, come here" part of that fatherhood act! Love it! Congrats on the unscathed escape! (from the store AND endless engineering)

julie gardner said...

90 minutes of shopping with my husband is about 80 minutes longer than I can stomach.

Maybe I should try mental tequila shots...

Janie Junebug said...

Your post is fantastic! Willy Dunne Wooters and I can shop for about 10 minutes if it's an emergency. Otherwise, I go inside, get what we need, take the cart out, he drives up and loads stuff into the car.

Love,
Janie

ADoC said...

you're back, fantastic news!

Clairejustine oxox said...

Hi ,thanks for sharing over at the weekend blog hop :)

Ms. G said...

Wow, I'm not the only one searching for a husband like a lost toddler and leaving with a cart full of wth?.
Fantastic! Haha!

Mommy Bags said...

You said it sista that is why I do the shopping missions solo......he hates it and I just can't deal with rolling eyes and a pffft every 2 seconds.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

You know beer girl is my fave Mrs Tuna character ever? Can we write a sitcom about her? Please? And cast it and become famous?

Jojo said...

Like Hilary, I'm definitely going to try the office drinking game!

Thank you for coming by and leaving a note. I've gotten so behind on my blog reading and posting and after reading your post I was reminded how much I enjoy reading other blogs.