Sunday, April 3, 2011

Punish the Wicked

Spinning so many plates is actually making me a little motion sick. I’m not thinking that Dramamine is going to fix me up. I’ve had one of those inferior weeks where no matter how many chains of four leafed clovers or lucky rabbit foots I carried I couldn’t catch a break. On a scale of 1 to10, this was a minus 47.



First, I’ve acquired a new little stalker at ASU. Being late to lectures causes me to get there psychotically early, so early in fact I can’t even get into the lecture hall because the previous class is still sleeping in there. A slightly creepy middle aged, shoulder height, chain smoker has started to sidle up to me to compare reading assignments. I don’t want to hear you whine about how going to school full time is so hard for you, ummm….I’m doing the same plus working full time bucko. Stop blowing smoke rings at me or I’ll spray you with Fabreeze. Just because we can both remember the 80’s doesn’t mean I’m in the market for a new study buddy.

Next, I met an old boss for lunch to pick up a letter of recommendation for a potential scholarship. A five minute drive turned into a Beat the Clock episode. I literally got ever f*cking light, a construction zone and a blinking railroad crossing. I’m trying to make a good impression for Pete’s sake. On the way back to the slave market it was smooth sailing. Of course I couldn’t read how amazing I am at stop lights and had to wait until I was back in my veal fattening pen.

I stopped at Circle K for gum and waited patiently behind a well-dressed 5oish man. We exchanged pleasant smiles and remarked on the lovely weather. “I’ll take 20 Mega Picks, 20 Powerball, and 10 Pick 5. Oh and Slutty Magazine with the free XXX disk. “ Ewwwww……. This week’s fare is easy except it causes you to dirty every dish in your kitchen.

Gringo Spanish Rice
3 cups cooked rice
1 pound ground beef
1 green pepper chopped fine
1 small onion also chopped fine
2-16 ounce cans tomato sauce
Salt and pepper to taste
Parmesan Cheese

Brown beef, onion and green pepper in a skillet. Combine beef mixture, rice, tomato sauce, salt and pepper in a casserole dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Serve with parmesan cheese. (Don’t ask it’s delicious.)

I pulled a loose thread from the cuff of my suit sleeve which led to an ugly unraveling and a droopy sleeve. It made me look like a sad neglected office gnome in need of some TLC. Thank goodness I had a stapler and knew how to use it. Hardly anyone noticed my sparkly ring of fasteners. At least it wasn’t as bad as the time I got into the mirrored elevator on the 30th floor and noticed my skirt tucked into my pantyhose, for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG. It was either April Fools or maybe the fates are just punishing the wicked this week. Hopefully you all fared better than me.

50 comments:

Ami said...

I had a better week than you did.
But yours was funnier.

:)

Hope the coming week makes up for it with awesomeness.

Funny, spell check thinks awesomeness is a word. I guess it is, then, huh?

Not Blessed Mama said...

Are you wearing some new cologne Mrs. Tuna? Seems you are irresistible..... to weird-o's.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Well no, I must be wicked too. No Circle K creepies though, thank goodness. I second that ewww!

suz said...

Thanks for the recipe - it looks great! And I really needed to be distracted from mental images of short creepy admirers...ick.
Nice rabbit pic, btw!

Heather said...

Please please do the Fabreeze. Doesn't it seem like whenever you are in a hurry there is a gambling-aholic pervert in front of you.

I really hope your next week is MUCH better.

Clare and Gary said...

I'm going to have to report you to 'What not to Wear' lol

Carri said...

Mrs Tuna... I think the weirdos love you. :)

EmptyNester said...

Sorry it was a bad week, but it sure made for a funny post! Oh, the skirt in the panty hose...wish I could say that I have no idea what you're talking about. But that would be a lie. LOL

Laoch of Chicago said...

I have always wondered why people thought that rabbits feet are lucky. If you think abut it, in this instance they were not very lucky for the bunny.

Jean | Delightful Repast said...

With all you've got going on, I don't see how you can make anything but Rice-a-Roni! And I think I'd invite "Phil" to visit someone else!

I Wonder Wye said...

A day like that begs for margaritas at the end of it...hope your weekend was better -- the spanish rice sounds awesome -

Annie (Lady M) x said...

Bloody hell Mrs T, you must be knackered after all that. Thanks for finding the time to write this and start my day with a laugh. I pissed myself over the lift incident!

Hilary said...

UGH! Is there a full moon? Crazy Stalker guy seems the worst!

Sandra said...

No, my week did not fare better than yours. I say we quit school and run away together to a land where panty hose doesn't exist and the men don't have a penchant for XXX literature complete with CD.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I LOOOOVE that you call your cube the veal fattening pen - I spit my coffee out! Hope this week is better, mine last week mirrored yours in various dramas and disasters.

Mellisa Rock said...

My week was better but yours was way funnier...that's terrible about your skirt at the end. I hope this week turns out better and if I were you I'd pick up some of the febreeze to go. :)

Rachel said...

I'm a fan of electrical tape. It can fix anything.

blueviolet said...

You had to staple ALL the way around?

I wouldn't be a fan of that hopeful study buddy either. Not.at.all.

lovinangels said...

Smoke rings are soooooo seductive. I want him. Now.

then I could wheeze at him and puff on my inhaler- I look HAWT doing that. (intentional horrible misspelling for effect)

I'm totally making this for dinner tonight. I was wondering what to do with the ground beef.

Anna said...

Wow, hope you have a better week this round. You deserve it!

Shawn Becker said...

I am sorry you had such a bad week but you made my day reading this post!

Nikki @ Raising Marshmallows said...

Instead of pepper spray I think everyone should carry fabreeze for precisely that kind of situation. In your honor, I'm going to spray my husband when he gets home!

Johnnie said...

Hilarious! The febreeze sentence killed me. Hope this week is better for you, my dear. Blessings...

Saved By Love Creations

quiverfull said...

hi via UBP. .. also... totally appreciate your humor. every bad situation is an excuse to pee your pants laughing.
thanks!
-shawnacy

twelvedaysold said...

I wish more recipes had the disclaimer that every dish you owned was going to need washing afterward. Thank you for being straight up.

Stephanie said...

Here's hoping for a better day for you! You ARE attracting the odd folk - ohhh scary!

Mamma has spoken said...

I had a great week! Saw my oldest get married to a wonderful girl and then spent the past week with him. Yes life was good last week...

Lisa ~Suburban Retreat~ said...

Sorry to hear about your run of bad luck. I must confess, I staple or scotch tape my clothes all the time. The latter has disappointed me at times, failing at the most inopportune moments. Your recipe sounds delish! Hope this week proves better!

CkretsGalore said...

I'm sending you some big ol' snow filled Canadian hugs. I hate those weeks ..almost like I just had. Got harassed by a bunch of Iron workers and then had some weird ass allergic reaction (I just went for allergy testing but this is something they didn't test for) the morning we were leaving site. I was at that point of the week can end really really fast. However, the sun is shining here and the snow is melting fast!!

PS I always appreciate your comments on my blog and always quite enjoy your blog!

Nicole said...

They come with free CDs? Ick.

A crappy week calls for non crappy wine.

Shell said...

Oh, you are cracking me up! From your blog title to "sad neglected office gnome!"

Found you from UBP!

Red Nomad OZ said...

Dirtying every dish in the kitchen makes a great and meaningful punishment for someone else in your household!! After all, you cooked dinner, didn't you??!!

Katertot said...

Maybe you have a magnetic personality!

You know, the kind of magnet that causes the color of lights to change and attracts those that would otherwise be considered outcasts.

May I also suggest double sided sticky tape? You can tape your study partners mouth shut and it'll work for a hem too!

:)

Hope this week is better!

Things Sent My Way said...

Uggh, I think I've had a bunch of these things happen, but never in ONE WEEK! My heart definitely goes out to you! I'm following from the hop. Come visit me back!

Michelle @ Things Sent My Way

EmmaK said...

So sorry you have a creepy stalker! Fared better than you?? Not really - I took a sleeping pill in the middle of the day. Hey it was an accident okay?

Mark said...

Thank you for this! I feel so much better about myself now.
Your Friend, m.

Marla said...

Is it wrong to find so much pleasure in your painfully hilarious week?

The Moms Next Door said...

I found you from the UBP and I am sooo glad that I did. You are very intertaining and believe me I have had a few of those "this can't be real" weeks myself haha. Come and check out our new blog we just launched April 1st and let me know what you think, we are definitely following you now so hopefully you like what you see and follow us in return :O) I hope that you have a wonderful rest of the week :O) !!!

Nick said...

I'm sorry, but I love Chiken a la King

Shelly said...

Stopping by from UBP11. Great to meet you! There are so many fun blogs to visit! If you have time, I hope you’ll stop by:

http://atticgirl.blogspot.com/2011/04/welcome-to-ultimate-blog-party-2011.html

You can enter to win a $25 Gift cert to my eBay store to spruce up your spring/summer wardrobe (details on post) as well as other fun prizes!

FreeFlying said...

Febreeze is the new mace. :) They should totally make them for our key rings.

What's in a name.. said...

New follower via ultimate blog party 2011. Hope you will follow me too @ http://masalabowl.blogspot.com/2011/04/day-298-ultimate-blog-party.html

ModernMom said...

UG. A tough week topped off by a good looking guy buying smut.
I wish you peaceful warm and fuzzy thoughts!

doreen said...

Oh you are just too funny!
Eww Creepy people are just so creepy and I am so crazy I usually feel sorry for them and am nice to them and then I can never get rid of them....Get rid of them!

doreen said...

Oh...the Bristol Palin post is today (sort of) you are psychic!

The Onion said...

Hi Mrs. Tuna! I have been remiss in getting over here and getting much else done besides pretending to get things done.

I have had those weeks, I hear ya. Go on with your staple bling. Metal is the new turquoise, you know.

I need to get over here to see what to make for dins on the rare occasion that four asses are in the dining room chairs at once.

Creepy college dude and a porn guy in one day...super! I think the dude sounds like he has more luck winning the lotto than getting laid.

www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

NANCY said...

Just stopping on over from the UBP11 to party with you!! LOL.

Nancy

http://thatsoundslikecrazy.blogspot.com/

Jennifer said...

Hi, I found your adorable blog on the Ultimate Blog Party 2011 and I'm a new
follower. Hop over and say Hi if you get a chance, Jennifer from Just
Wedeminute

Heather said...

Mrs. Tuna... thank you. Thanks for being such an awesome reader and leaving me comments.
I love that about you.
SO I thought I would stop by and say thanks... and I have had one of those months as well... maybe if we carry a clover leaf green dyed live bunny rabbit as a keychain our luck could improve?
I'm just saying.... I am trying really hard to get out of my negative rut and try to laugh some more.
Every step forward brings me two steps back, but I refuse to give up! I will win!!!

Have a wonderful smoke ring free day!

Anne said...

Hi! I’m belatedly stopping by from the UBP. Nice to meet you!
I have two blogs, and I’d love for you to stop by when you get a minute. We’re giving away a $100 Visa gift card at Giveaway Corner. Thanks!

http://giveawaycorner.blogspot.com/ (A free giveaway every weekday)
http://anne-somekindofwonderful.blogspot.com/ (Family blog)