Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Statistics for the Not Rocket Scientist

The summer statistics course is kicking my a**. I can’t figure out if I need to divide the square root of the average mean by "n" or "n-1". Or even what the heck "n" is. My math tutor, Sheldon has moved into her girlfriends for the summer. Likely to avoid that pesky curfew we impose. I decided to give some play to earlier posts that only got one or two pathetic comments in their day. I sadly will have no time over the next four weeks to crazily comment on your blogs Team Tuna but know I’m thinking of you. Now to figure out how to use this graphing calculator to do more then balance my checkbook.

What's the Skinny
Now that I’m officially the parent of an adult I’ve begun to notice a very ugly body issue that can only be contained by high waisted jeans. In my head I still feel like the slim waif of decades past, so when I drift by a full length mirror I think, there must be a body pod around with my real self. With Sheldon off a college it was time to take matters into my own hands.


I’d never used the gym membership provided by my office, I didn’t want to sweat with the people I worked with but it was after all free. Who would I possibly see at 6 AM? Just Hitler’s girlfriend, Eva Braun, the resident personal trainer? Ve vell vork out this morning no? Um sure…..the first work left my arms dangling at my sides. I couldn’t raise my limbs to blow dry my bangs and had to resort to using the hand dryer leaving me with more of a Lassie look. Where’s that darn Timmy when you need him.

The following is a true accounting of our company quarter group hug. Just as I sat down with my free sub sandwich and a Dr. Pepper, Eva strolled past 80 people, walked right up to me and asked, “What are you drinking, if you swallow that I’m going to make you regret it.” Uh oh. Apparently Gyms R Us was showing the exercise benefits to the troops.

The problem with diet cookbooks is by the time you’ve added a few innocent things to make it stop tasting like cardboard it’s no longer low cal.

Jambalaya
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil (so okay the original recipe called for cooking spray, off to a bad start already)
1 medium onion chopped
2 cloves garlic minced
2 stalks celery chopped
1 green pepper chopped (you could substitute yellow or red)
2/3 cup uncooked rice
2 cups chicken broth
3/4 pound Italian sausage cooked (are you seeing a substitute trend)
1 ½ cups cooked chicken
16 ounce stewed tomatoes
1 ½ cups frozen shrimp (that is of course if there is any left after the BP oil spill)
1 tablespoon jalapeño Tabasco sauce (it’s a bit more mild)

Cook onion, garlic, celery and pepper in olive oil until tender. Stir in remaining ingredients except for the shrimp. Bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat and simmer 20 minutes stirring occasionally. Add frozen shrimp and cook additional 5 minutes or until rice is done. The joy of this meal is it cooks in a single oversized skillet. If you cook it without the sausage, in theory, it’s less than 300 calories.

I thought this past week she’d tortured me so much I was having a heart attack. I even went so far as to drive myself to the doctor when the chest pains didn’t back down after the diet lunch. After telling me I was putting on weight nicely for a woman my age, with a little giggle told me I’d just pulled a muscle in my chest. I’ve decided if my double A bra could be revised to a double D, my stomach would look flatter since they would stick out further. I’m thinking it would just be easier to get a boob job.

36 comments:

Sausage Fingers said...

Eat, drink and be happy. Then try on the skinny jeans, freak out and run to the gym - the cycle of life

twelvedaysold said...

"The problem with diet cookbooks is by the time you’ve added a few innocent things to make it stop tasting like cardboard it’s no longer low cal."

I snorted at work with this one. Well stated!

Mamma has spoken said...

There is a reason why the word Diet has the word die in it. Here's hopeing that you get through the next few weeks.

LOLA said...

My Dear Mrs. Tuna, Trust me: I have da boobs and dey don't make da belly look any better. I wish you lived in the Bay area. My daughter is a mathematician and she could tutor you. She has some mystical, magical way of knowing what n means. Must be all those Harry Potter books she read growing up.

Love,
Lola

EmptyNester said...

I tried making the boobs bigger idea---you know, the natural way...but the belly just got bigger too. Now, I'm trying (at MY age) to take it off. Ha!

Statistics? I LOVED statistics in grad school! Or course, I couldn't do it now if my life depended on it, but I love it then. That's not helpful, is it?

Kristina P. said...

Is looking at a gym picture the same as going? I have been working out by osmosis, and it hasn't really been working.

dbs said...

I vote against the boob job. DO NOT go all "real housewives of where ever" on us.
Signed, your fans.

Sandra said...

Oh UGh! I did stats last January, and it was the worst and hardest course I have ever taken! I had the best tutor though, he cost $400 for the entire session, but without him, I would have been impailing myself on the fence post. Good luck and know that when you're down walking through the hot fire of hell, I will definitely be welcoming you back with open arms! I miss you already!

I'm So Fancy said...

Oh Mrs Tuna, thank you for making me laugh. And I too hate statistics. Especially ones about aging...:-)

Stephanie said...

Good luck with that statistics class. Sounds awful.

Kernut the Blond said...

Best of luck on the diet and exercise plan! I was fair to midlin (sp?) in Booty Camp. Now I'm in Yoga, and just eating much less. It's working, but really slowly. I still love cookies a lot.

Just seeing '"n" or "n-1"' again gave me a headache.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Hahaha! Just as well you won't have time for commenting - I'm back to the Aussie Scenic Public Toilets again!!!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I am thoroughly convinced that math was an evil seed in the apple Eve plucked off that tree.

Who just had to go buy a new 'serious event' dress because her zipper wouldn't go up? I don't want to talk about it....

Introducing Mr. Cool said...

I must say you have some funny comments here. Your recipe sounds good enough to eat! lol Have a great day!

lovinangels said...

The boobs don't detract from the belly. What's worse is they add under arm wiggle fat. It's gross.

Nothing wrong with a bit o' olive oil, I probably will add a tad bit of butter to it, too..

Laura O in AK said...

I've actually lost some in my thighs and hips after have child #4 at 40. Go figure... Not that I'm svelte by most standards.

I'm a new follower from the Follow Friday 40 and over hop. You can find me at daybydayinourworld.blogspot.com

Laura O in AK

LaVonne @ Long Wait said...

LOL! I like that photo too. Great.

I am visiting from You Like Me Friday blog hop. It is nice to "meet" you. Good luck with class, it sounds terrible :)

Happy Weekend!

LaVonne @ Long Wait For Isabella

Introducing Mr. Cool said...

I'm following you already and coming from Follow friday 40 & over - Congrats for being chosen too. That's wonderful.

DeDa Studios said...

aaf - congrats on winning Over 40 Hop! The Jambalaya recipe sounds great! saved on my computer! I vote for making the Jambalaya instead of exercising! Have a Fun Weekend!

lilmsmnky said...

Hello, Your blog is great. I am following you from Follow Friday Blog. I can't wait to see your next blog now.
Come by and visit if you have the time.
http://lilmsmnky.blogspot.com/

Have a wonderful Day.

Laggin said...

I love the boob idea, but sadly, I can vouch for the fact that it doesn't really work.

Rainbow said...

congrats on your spot light award!!!! I am now following you

Blessings
Rainbow

Introducing Mr. Cool said...

No sooner said then done. I'm your latest follower. Nice to meet you! Have a great weekend.

MOMmetime said...

I am following you from the 40 and over hop ~congratulations on the #2 slot! I am now following you. Take Care.

Brag All About It said...

hello! that picture cracks me up!
i'm stopping by your blog from boost your blog!
come by say hi!
i'm your newest follower
http://www.bragallaboutit.com/

Mrs4444 said...

You're funny. I've got news for you; my boobs stick out plenty, but it doesn't do a thing for my gut. Good luck and good job!

Dianne said...

Oh I love this!! I laughed so hard my husband was looking at me like I was crazy...he isn't far wrong there, but I had to read this to him. He laughed, too!
The problem isn't that you have gained weight, it's that you are too short! =) At least, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it....
Dianne @
http://buterflydreamz.blogspot.com/2011/06/follow-friday_10.html

Lorie Shewbridge said...

I'm with Lola, the boobs don't make the belly look any smaller, they just make people look at you more then see ALL of you. =)
This recipe sounds heavenly - even with the 300 calorie sausage! I would definitely leave that in, but would have to take out the shrimp because hubby doesn't eat seafood - BOO!
Thanks so much for always participating with our meme, it is greatly appreciated. I can't wait until next week to get your story and recipe. HUGS!

Hilary said...

I had a similar intervention with one of the guys on my team when I watched him attempt to put 17 packs of sugar in his tea.....I think he snuck them in as soon as I went into my office..

CkretsGalore said...

Hahahahah I thought about the whole boob job thing to make my stomach look smaller. The better option is liposuction mind you.

Good luck with the whole fitness thing. I'm about to start a new regime once again since my Fiancee is changing jobs and I will be up working here for 10 days straight by myself. I have to find something to occupy my time...and I would like to fit into my clothes from last year again.

doreen said...

Oh that picture is too hilarious!! Congratulations on riding shotgun with Java this weekend!!
I'm working on fitness too...gallbladder out and quit smoking=30 pounds..yikes

Ca88andra said...

Oh, I've always wanted to make jambalaya! This recipe looks pretty easy. Good luck with the gym - I'm nearly at the point where I give in with my stomach...

blueviolet said...

I think I turn every cookbook into a diet cookbook. I'm so picky that I remove at least 5 things from every recipe.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Oh Mrs. Tuna, you brought me back that that summer I took Stats because I knew there was no way the sumnmer school prof would flunk me, which I richly would have deserved.

That pesky Timmy is always in a damn well when you need him. Christ, how did June Lockhart not have a nervous breakdown with him around?

Esparadrapo said...
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Guantes de nitrilo said...
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