Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Good Bra

I have a little secret for all of you so be sure to carefully read the end of this blog for an incentive.

If I wasn’t busy having an online affair with Sandra from absolutelynarcissism.co I would be having a major girl crush on Alicia Florrick from the Good Wife. She is sleek and elegant, nary a hair out of place. I always arrive on the scene with what I fondly call “the Lassie look”. The hair doo that looks like I’ve been riding with my head out the driver’s car window at 50 mph.

With lack of employment, I have no reason to ensure I have pressed suits and starched shirts. My drycleaner sent me a Thinking of You card. But I find myself rationalizing that I should not save the Good Bra anymore. You know what I’m talking about. The smooth nude slightly lacey bra you bought at Victoria’s Secret. The one you wear under the chic dress with your FM (F*ck Me) black pumps. Not the formally white, now slightly blue, with frayed straps. Or maybe the gray sports bra that straps your double A’s to your boyish figure. Or the one where the seam now makes you look like you have skewed nipples.

I forget what it’s like to dig out pantyhose without runs and slap on more than mascara on my pale eyelashes. But today, I have a networking breakfast with all those awkward engineers without social skills. They only invite me because they know I can carry on a conversation that doesn’t have to use the term logarithm. Since it was early morning, let’s whip together breakfast fare today shall we.

Mexican Egg Dish
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
12 eggs, lightly beaten
4 cups (16 ounces) shredded Monterey Jack cheese, divided
2 cups (16 ounces) 4% cottage cheese
2 plum tomatoes, seeded and diced
1 can (4 ounces) chopped green chilies, drained
4 green onions, sliced
1/2 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2 tablespoons minced fresh cilantro
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Salsa, optional

In a large bowl, combine the flour and baking powder. Add the eggs, 3-1/2 cups Monterey Jack Cheese, cottage cheese, tomatoes, chilies, onions, hot pepper sauce, oregano, cilantro, salt and pepper. Pour into greased 13-in. x 9-in baking dish. Sprinkle with the remaining Monterey Jack cheese. Bake, uncovered at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 degrees, bake 30 minutes longer or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Let stand for 5 minutes before cutting. Serve with salsa if desired.

There was one small upside today in that the firm that continues to interview me endlessly asked me if I were free this afternoon to perform a little contract job. Sure, just let me drop everything. I got nothing but time on my hands. Went fine, wait until I send them an invoice for $43, 972.

On to my other exciting news……last week Team Tuna reached 400 followers!!!! A milestone to say the least and I love each and every one of you. So I called Stephen, you remember Stephen of Flipflop Wines. He sent me free booze as carefully documented in our all time favorite blog post, The Vino Slut. Here’s how my voice mail message went.

Mrs. Tuna:
So um Stephen um you remembers me um the Vino Slut. Well um gosh I want to run a little reward program for my um peeps you know because now I um got so many.  (Brain says, Abort! Abort!)  Sorry, not communicating very well, you know what they say about bloggers, we are so articulate writing but have no um speaking skills. (Brain says stop babbling) Anyhoo um sorry I um missed you. I’m on my way to an interview, well not really an interview, just a company that wants to pick my head of free info (Brain says, stop it, stop it, stop it, you’re oversharing) So um call me when you have a few minutes and we can um talk about more. (Brain says, say goodbye) Kay now, toodles.

Ughhh, what an idiot I sounded like, not the suave professional I really am. Fortunately, he excused my brain fart. He has offered to send one of my uber special (did you just throw up in your mouth when I used the word uber?) groupies their own sample of wine for their review. So your mission Team Tuna is to write in 10 words why you should be picked for a review of Flipflop Wines Winners to be announced based on the most creative answer. Here’s mine

Team Tuna Gift, Candy is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker


Anonymous said...

So you blew me and wine tasting off to WORK? Where are your priorities? Okay, maybe it was visa versa but I knew you would understand that I need to work to purchase wine and new undergarments at Victoria's Secret. I will show you next week! BTW-pick me, pick me!!

Frogs in my formula said...

I drink all the time, therefore I need more.

Does that work? Congrats on the 400 baby!

Mamma has spoken said...

I teach therefore I drink!

Sandra said...

Sending wine to Canada would cost more than the bottle.
Thank you for the shout out darling! Just so you know, you don't have to wear the good bra for me. It would only make me realize that I don't even own a good bra :)

LOLA said...

I have no job. I never get laid. Wine needed.


MOV said...

geesh I love your writing style and um phone message style.........

so why are you not writing every day or more often so I can laugh more than I already do?

pretty please? (although be forewarned that I too will ignore the invoice for $43, 972).


Mommie Dearest Strikes Again said...

I need a new bra AND I need wine too!

How's that? lol

Great post, and good luck with the job hunt. And congrats on reaching 400!

Stephanie said...

I'm yet abed and hungry for breakfast. The Mexican eggs sound delicious. Alas I don't have enough eggs. Or ambition to get dressed and go to the store. I have enough dignity not to wear pajamas shopping...

Heather said...

I need. Sad. Thought I was Sandra's lover!

Angie said...

Semi-pro sampler looking to go pro. Help a sister out?

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious. My bra of choice today? Not a sexy one-- one that holds up my ladies, and gets the job done! Ain't got anyone to impress!

Kristina P. said...

I've been wearing the same bra for about a year. My boobs need more love.

EmptyNester said...

How about this:

Must fill empty nest. Feel free to send wine immediately.

Hilary said...

My husband married because I work in the booze biz.

blueviolet said...

A contract job buys you some time until something permanent comes your way, right? Love that recipe!

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...

"the good bra" lol....I am more like "I get rid of the bra every chance I get!"

Congratulations on 400 posts!!! I am right behind ya!!!!

As always, thanks for the laughs!

Clumsy Coquette said...

I love the title of this post. I just started laughing and knew it had to be a good post.

I think you should pick me, because I am a wine connoisseur. It isn't uncommon for me to randomly go into the liquor, pick up a bottle of some random wine that has a cool name off the shelf and dig in. I also agree with your slogan: candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

I could go on and on giving you reasons why you should pick me da'ling, but I think I'll bore you. So instead I'll just put: Pick Me! Pick Me! Pick Me!

~The Clumsy Coquette


LOLA said...

Why did you wear pantyhose in Arizona's heat? Didn't word reach you from New York that women stopped wearing pantyhose years ago? As for bras, please go to Victoria's Secret immediately and pick out something pretty and comfortable. I like the Biofit bra. I have one that's black with white polka dots and one that's bright turqoise. I also have other Vickie's Secret bras that are nude, for wearing under light-colored tops. I swear to you: Wearing good bras will perk up your girls; thus, you will feel better.


WagtheDad said...

"Um. I like wine. A lot. And I think it's so cool that you are giving away free wine."

Damn, that's more than 10 words, isn't it?

"Send me Vino, Vino Slut. Blossoms fall."

"Blossoms fall on Vino Slut. Contract. Then expand."

Is that haiku?

Angie said...

PS... since I can't find you on the twitter twatter... http://www.angie-uncovered.com/2011/11/award-day-im-so-happy-i-could-blog.html Woot Woot! You have an award. ;)

Julie said...

"Nothing washes down throw up better than FlipFlop wines."

Just kidding. But you started it by saying "uber".

How about:

"I'll share my free wine with you and Ogden Nash."

Really. I will.

Romina Garcia said...

I wish I lived closer. I needs me some vino.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Maybe it's not a 'contract job' but a TEST!!!

And I don't want to waste my limited creative juices if you're not shipping the wine to OZ! So are you?? Oh well, just in case:

OZ wine is best - but ... send me yours to test!!

Anne Camille said...

An open bottle is an empty bottle -- and reviewed..

Anne Camille said...

Hi Ms. Tuna. Just found your blog via Follow Friday 40 (which I found through random clicking). Love it. I'm a PM too, not currently employed, and trying hard to break my overachiever habits --and failing at it!

Anonymous said...

Just found you from Follow Friday list as well. Great Blog!
Add me to your 400+ followers!


Opal Stevens said...


Following from the 40 and over hop! Would love a follow back:)


Paula said...

Drinking wine prevents mother-in-law strangling during holiday vacations!

Also, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you, I hope you find a job soon!

Mad Mind said...

Wouldn't it be nice to have a hairdresser and trainer at the ready just to serve us? Oh my!

Ixy said...

Hehe - I have a Good Bra or two, but I define them as "bras I can work out in without the girls getting loose and giving me a black eye." I wear my non-Good Bras under my suits where it doesn't matter if the support is somewhat less stellar. Sigh...your way sounds better.

Congrats on 400 followers - wow!! And I'm also a voicemail freak. I just start babbling and have been cut off by a machine more than once. You know you have verbal diarrhea when that happens.

Ami said...

I'm just happy if I can find a bra that fits. Can't buy one 'over the counter' as it were, and end up buying them mail order.

But you always crack me up. As one of your 400, I say thanks. :)

Anonymous said...

hahaha the lassie look.. i love it, and know it personally far too well lol.

By Word of Mouth Musings said...

Okay, thoroughly enjoyed reading the comments on this post!
Now feel inspired to go and put on a bra!

Kernut the Blond said...

I'm not eligible; I've already had my lifetime's share of booze.

But I would like to win a bra. I love lingerie, even though there's no one but myself with whom to share it at the moment. How can I win the bra?

SKYANGEL said...

Hi, I visited your blog and liked what I seen, so I am now your newest follower,
I also am probally the newest blog on Google, visit mine at
http://whenitsonlymakebelieve.blogspot.com/ I would be grateful if you follow me
back. Have a gr8 day! Helen

Anonymous said...

I don't connect with most of the girly shit, but you are pretty freaking funny so I will make it 401.

The Cranky Old Man

Courtney said...

Hello! I'm following you from the Friendly Friday Blog Hop! I'm following you through, GFC, Facebook, Twitter, Networked Blogs, etc., as applicable!

I hope you have a terrific weekend!

Much Love,

P.S. The Mexican Egg Dish sounds delicious!! :)

Elizabeth Owens said...

Haha yours is GREAT!! I hope win :)
Glad I found you in a blog hop. I would love it if you can return the follow love back.

The Empress said...

I didn't get to be the independent broad I am (do they still say broad?) by sticking to da rools.

Ten words?

That's for everyone else.

You have an air quotes GOOD bra?

What is that like?

I don't know since all my bras cost 10 bucks and come from Target.

Spoiled, little, coddled ball of unemployed Casserole maker that you are.

I work 3 jobs, woman.

All without a "good" bra.

Mull that over.

So, what I'm saying is, I canNOT win the wine. No time to drink in between running to one of my 3 jobs.

Must stay sober for the 2 hrs of sleep I get in between shifts.

AND: Congrats on 400 followers!!

That's 400 people who love you.

Not a bad thing to think about while you're laying in there in bed at night..

in your good bra.

( I will never let you forget that..)

If I could right now...I'd tweet it out. Hashtag #tuna'sgotagoodbra

Anonymous said...

Slainte Funny Girl

Rob Dammit's hit the floor, hurry someone start to pour.

Also know as. I feel a cabernet coming on.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I'm the "Member's Lounge" Mrs. Tuna! Need I say more?

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

Congrats on 400. That is awesome. Oh man, I need to get myself a nice bra.

The recipe sounds fantastic. :0)

SassyModernMom said...

Your supposed to wear the good bra at least a couple of times a week. It messes with your Hubby's head AND makes you feel secretly sexy!

Karren said...

I found your blog on Good Sunday Linky, good grief good bra good wine, I need them both. Love Alicia Florrick your eggs look great and I have to follow your blog to get a good laugh!! Good luck with a new job!


Wine prevents me from losing my shit on people too dumb to function. That was more than ten words, but it's the truth.

Your voicemail cracked me up!

Vapid Vixen said...

Wine makes Gingers happy. No one likes an angry Ginger.

BAM! 10 words on the dot!

I was just lamenting the fact I need some new bras as I pulled out a half a bra that had just met it's gruesome demise via the washing machine. Maybe I'll stick with the duct tape over the nips and call it good.

Kathy said...

I don't do pantyhose unless I absolutely have to! LOL A big hello from the Say Hi Sunday blog hop!!


wifetoalineman02 said...

that must be a good show to watch :-) I am your new GFC(wifetoalineman02) follower here. Dropping some love for Friendly Friday Blog Hop, hope that you can return the favor too.


Shetty Anirudh said...

nice blog... :) besties!!