As most of you know, I’m the parent of a grown ass woman. My beloved Sheldon turned 22 last weekend. To find out how she got her nickname go here. Sheldon is also going to ASU, but runs away from me on campus in order not to be embarrassed by her mommy recreating blog posts that she has been featured in. Complete with hand gestures and condor like arm flapping and snarky comments. I continue in her eyes to give her advice to only hear myself talk. There may be some truth, okay maybe a lot of truth, in that but mostly because I’m stuck at the end of the cul-de-sac with lack of work. So let’s recap what our nerdy daughter has done since Blackjack, Sheldon’s 21 shall we?
Shortly after her last birthday she gave up Facebook. How was supposed to spy on her activities and monitor, I mean celebrate all her little accomplishments via tagged photos. Thankfully she has rejoined the ranks of millions a few weeks ago so I don’t have to resort to befriending her friends in order to capture an awkward glimpse of her on party boats doing body shots.
Sheldon has a bucket list that she has been working hard at completing. My bucket list includes things like moving up from $3.99 Trader Joe’s Chardonnay and getting the dog hair out of the back seat of my truck. Her goals included running in a marathon, which incidentally caused her toe nails to fall off (Ewwww right?) and skydiving. What the hell, why would you jump out of a plane? Don’t you know you could be go splat like a pancake? This week is a bit of cheater, like every other week. Surprise!
1 pound ground beef
1 envelope taco seasoning mix (this is why it’s a cheater, when I followed the original recipe it tasted exactly the same, why torture myself?)
Salad fixings (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, avocado, blah, blah, blah)
Spicy Mexican Dressing
½ cup vegetable oil
¼ cup sugar
¼ cup cider vinegar
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon dry mustard
½ teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon chili powder
½ teaspoon ground cumin
¼ teaspoon dried oregano
¼ cup chili sauce
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
In medium bowl, stir oil, sugar and vinegar until sugar is dissolved. Whisk in remaining ingredients. Cover and refrigerate until ready to use. Prepare ground beef and taco seasoning according to directions. Slap salad fixings in any darn way you want, you’re all grownups, I shouldn’t have coach you through this part.
Our little Buttercup participated in the local beauty pageant run by “the Donald”. She looked amazing with her blond good looks and long legs but the giant crown tattoo that reminds me of the Burger King slogan on her hip knocked her right off her pedestal. Maybe he’ll ask her to participate in Celebrity Apprentice where she can show him her mad math skills.
And she has become addicted to the inked look. I remember vividly, the first one I found out about her habit. Sitting at my friend the Bad Bunny’s house, drinking wine and feeling all cool and sophisticated with Sheldon as my designated driver. Bunny and I were lamenting one friends struggle with having her 80’s rose tat removed and it looked like a gray blob half way through the process. “What would you say momster if I told you I have a tattoo” she queried. You? I snorted. You had to be tranquilized to get your ears pierced. You’d end up with a love dot chica because you can’t take pain. With that, she stood up, unzipped her pants and flashed a crown, still covered in saran wrap, a tattoo THE SIZE OF PERU. Her latest one running the length of her ribcage is a bible verse, WITH ONLY ONE TYPO. Apparently easily fixed with a poison apple or something. I think she’s got another one but I’m too scared to ask. At least she and Jessie James aren’t going steady. Happy birthday baby girl!!! Daddy and I love you mostest!!!
PS-The big winner for our free wine review contest is Angie at http://www.angie-uncovered.com/. Bebe and Miss Anonymous decided “Semi-pro sampler looking to go pro. Help a sister out?” was the best last night while we were getting drunk on the back patio. Congrats.
PSS-Don’t forget to follow Mrs. Tuna’s sorry ass on Facebook.