Monday, March 26, 2012

Delusions of Grandeur


Oh I had all those delusions of grandeur. I was going to spend spring break perusing all of your blogs, leaving snappy little comments and wishing you happy spring solstice.  But I am failing miserably.  I am a sucky blogging friend.  Witty means never having to say you’re sorry. But I am, really.

Instead, Itty Bitty Consulting chief bottle washer was a slave to life in the work zone. The company that interviews me endlessly continues to have me do contract work. But they are like jealous boyfriends, all sad and spurned when I have other client meet and greets.  Where are you going, when will you be back, are you kissing any other consultants? Any spare time I had I spent writing fancy assed papers on the Ethical Protocols for Maintaining Social Equity, 20 pages of bullshit frankly. But the end of the spring session is almost over and then one semester until I hop, skip and jump to that shiny abet pricy degree.  



I did manage to have a ladies wine hook up with Bebe and Miss Anonymous this week in a cold dark wine cellar.  It’s the oddest place, neon yellow drive in liquor store, but a secret magic cellar that you have to crawl over crates of Budweiser to get to. I may have even had to shove a few Clydesdale out of the way. Three late forties ladies on the town drinking real wine, restraining ourselves from adding ice cubes because by golly we’re sophisticated like that.  We scurried off to a dark corner with plush couches after carefully inspecting for any inappropriate stains. If I have to explain this to you, this is not the blog you think it is.

But some young pup thought we were cougars on the prowl.  Don Juan had spotted our giddy golden girls and sauntered over with his imagined good looks.  El Boyo slightly tipsy from the beer tap, plopped down on the couch between Bebe and me.  Separating her from the herd like a limping gazelle.  Run Bambi Run!!!!!  After expressing shock and amazement that we were indeed old enough to be his mommy, that our children were actually older than him. That shit, we had underwear older than him he starting oversharing how he spends his free time as a bar bouncer and a MMA fighter.  MMA? Mommy Makes Arousal? Icky boy, move along or I’ll blog about you.

This week I went to my favorite shopping hood Trader Joe’s . We won’t discuss how I went after a riding lesson in my attractive riding britches with green horse slime down my shirt and helmet head. Instead I will share the recipe from the free samples.

Rigatoni with Artichokes in Goat Cheese Sauce
½ pound Rigatoni pasta cooked
1 can artichoke hearts drained and quartered
1 package TJ’s Chevre Goat Cheese with Kalamta Olives
1 cup heavy cream
Salt and pepper to taste

In large pan over medium heat combine the heavy cream with the goat cheese. Stir until cheese starts to melt and then add artichoke hearts. When everything is heated through, add pasta and toss to combine.

The problem with Bebe is she is too polite. When our new snuggle bunny offered us a little sip of his flavor of the month beer. I rudely declined while Bebe caved to his peer pressure and took a taste. What are you thinking? At the very least I’m sure he’s been licking toads for a cheap high our something.  Perhaps it was the Stockholm syndrome. At least we can reassure ourselves that we still look better than the plaintiffs on Judge Judy. Happy week Team Tuna. 

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lets do it again this week!
Ms. A

oceangirl said...

Hehe you're too funny I wonder how I didn't bump into you sooner. Underwear older than him, hehe. And I better move along :)

dbs said...

Whoa. What's green horse slime? On second thought...never mind.

Mamma has spoken said...

I think I have a son his age...

ADoC said...

Are you sure it was Clydesdales you were shoving out of the way to get into the wine cave, and not El Boyo's buddies?

Le'Ann Ruggles said...

Green horse slime and too-young boys who know you're just dying to meet them. Yes, been there, done that. Wait... no... I didn't "do" him. Oh, nevermind.

Twisted Susan said...

My two favorite words:
GOAT
CHEESE.

Ami said...

I love you. I do.

In an admiring, wow, I'm an older woman too and wouldn't have the ... searching for word here... huevos to go out with a bunch of friends and push the Clydesdales out of the way and definitely wouldn't have any young men trying to get into my pants, way.

:::salud:::

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I need to have a wine party with Mrs. Tuna! Sans green horse slime, natch.

jennie said...

Yummm! I'm going to try that one!

Laurel's Quill said...

Just found your blog on posts of the week and I love it...love to laugh! Sounds like you girls had a good time. Laurel

SherilinR said...

i think it's hilarious when the young males hit on the older women. i'm never sure if it's endearing or should be mocked.

Kirby Carespodi said...

I expect an invite next time. Bee-otches.

agatewood1 said...

Hi there! new gfc follower from the weekend hop along! hoping you'll follow me back when you get a chance! have a good weekend!
Ashley @ http://mylittlespace4everything.blogspot.com

Hilary said...

you crack me up.... Underwear older than him... I tell my interns I have jeans older than them...

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

He obviously was way out of his league!

EmptyNester said...

Pretty sure toads are the only things that would let him lick them. LOL

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

You make me smile Darling! I feel so special that moi was one of the blogs you visited...

Nothing more fun than saying how old your panties are to make the young lads RUN!! lol Cups Up! xoxo

MOV said...

oh, tuna friend, we missed you. do not be gone so long next time, fair goddess of the blogosphere!!

xxo
MOV

Vapid Vixen said...

That entire paragraph about the young pup on the prowl had me LOL'ing. :D And well done on the ice cube restraint. Good God woman! Stop it already!!

Nicki said...

"Separating her from the herd like a limping gazelle"? BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA! You put that pup in his place!

Red Nomad OZ said...

MMA, huh. Make mine alcohol? Malfunctioning mental acuity?? Merrily mad adolescent??? My mama's A ho????

Put this OZ chick out of her misery and tell me what it REALLY means!!!

The Defiant Marshmallow said...

Nicki took my comment!!!

Ditto.

Also, I'm trying not to picture the helmet head and slime, but the damage has already been done.

Also also, this recipe makes me hungry. i'll probably dream about this rigatoni tonight. I'm going to ask Lady Marshmallow if we can make it this weekend.

No, not "make it" this weekend. Make the recipe. Stop thinking that way!

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

ROFL! You are sooooo much fun!

This line had me hooting with laughter "Separating her from the herd like a limping gazelle."

Perfectly written--as always :)

Jean | Delightful Repast said...

That recipe sounds delicious! Do give Bebe a good talking-to about drinking after slimeball strangers! Eeew!

jennie said...

too funny
green horse slime!