Ding, 5th floor, House Wares and Ladies Shoes

Recently I went to a professional development breakfast where the topic was perfecting your elevator speech. We practiced with each other in a format very similar to speed dating. What I began to realize after round two was I still keep talking, even as the elevator doors closed behind you. I bring this up since I’ve begun to notice this blog is running away with me, too many feisty words. The perfect blog length is between 200 to 300 words. (80 words so far)

I could tell you about the time I was about to be introduced to the US Secretary of Transportation and my co worker told me to keep it on a leash, but that would be 246 words.

Or the time I blanked out on someone’s name during an introduction and had to use his behind closed doors moniker, WBC, (Whine Bitch and Complain) but that would be another 157 words. So quick, out of the gate, this week’s microwave recipe. (164 words and counting)

Weekday Sheppard’s Pie
1 pound ground beef
½ onion minced
10 ounce package frozen green beans (I could go on and on about how I like extra green beans so I add more but that would be more words)
1 can tomato soup
½ teaspoon dried basil
1 tablespoon Worchester sauce
3-4 servings instant mashed potatoes according to directions
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Brown meat and onion in casserole dish in microwave. Add green beans, tomato soup, basil and Worchester sauce and heat for 8 minutes stirring once or twice. Scoop mashed potatoes on top, heat for 2 minutes. Sprinkle on cheese and heat until melted.

I pledge to fit this blog on a single screen, saving you from having to scroll down. Important to keep that index finger in shape. Length of articles are dependent on the amount of liquor consumed. (Akkk, so close, maybe next time I won’t actually count the recipe, 326 words)

911-911, Emergency, Emergency

Bebe and I met over twenty years ago, innocently at a neighbor’s baby shower. There were six pregnant neighbor women at the shower, maybe something in the water. I certainly swore off tap water after that. Who knew at the time we’d end up being the sisters we never had. Well okay I do have sisters, but not one who wouldn’t steal my clothes or my boyfriends or eat the last Popsicle without asking.

Her little kiddies are only 14 months apart and Bubba was often out of town hunting and killing to fill their freezer. The Big Tuna often stepped in as the extra parent when we took our broods out to places like the State Fair or Sesame Street Live so we weren’t outnumbered. He began to spend so much time with us he said he felt like a polygamist and started calling her Wife Number Two. And thus became our life as Siamese Twins, drinking wine with ice cubes and play dates. I can honestly say I’ve never made a major furniture purchase that she didn’t sit on prior to writing a check.

One of the first things I noticed was that her birthday was September 11th, 911, 911. She claims to have never noticed until I pointed it out. My powers of observation are stellar. At least related to mundane unimportant things like whether someone’s socks match. She is the most positive cheerleader you can have, a direct counter point to my sarcastic but charming personality. Whenever she gets into her happy bubble, it’s my job to remind her of all those “special” moments that make 9/11 the perfect date for her.
• Remember the time we had the kids at the newly finished park and I said, “some little kid is going to walk up to that unfinished bench and get his arm stuck in that unfinished hole”? And Sean ran over and put his in and we almost had to call the fire department to get him out?
• Remember the time Bubba went elk hunting on your due date and you took a long hot shower? When you wouldn’t answer the door we boost Jim over the fence to peer in your bedroom window and catch you almost naked?
• Remember the time Nash broke his arm on the EXACT same swing his older brother broke his arm on the year before?
• Remember the time we went to the bar and I didn’t have my ID and they tried carding me at 38 years old and they insisted they carded everyone? When you offered yours up they said, no that’s okay madam?
• Remember Wally?

I could go on and on and on but I have to stop so as not to ruin the birthday moment. Here’s one of my fast and furious recipes that Bebe has come to enjoy.

Spicy Fettuccine
1 Tablespoon Butter
¼ cup minced onion
1/ teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 can whole tomatoes (Progresso Basil)
¼ teaspoon salt
1/3 cup heavy cream
¼ cup shredded fresh basil

Melt butter in large skillet. Add onions and red pepper flakes, cook over medium heat until onion is tender. Run tomatoes through food processor and add with salt to onion mixture. Cook over medium heat for 8 minutes. Stir in cream and bring to boil for 1 minute. Cook fettuccine according to package direction. Toss with sauce and garnish with basil

Bebe had a birthday this weekend. She spent it getting wild and wooly as you can get in Salt Lake City. Now that my BFF is living in BFE we satisfy ourselves with endless phone calls and Skype wine dates. She tells her family that she is flying in to see them but we both know it’s really to see me and Sheldon. So when are you coming home? I need to go shopping for new guest room furniture.