Mrs. Tuna’s writing ability has been held hostage
by a variety of counter intuitive actions that have kept her from writing fun
and amusing anecdotes about life in Tunaville. I am squeezing every ounce of creative writing
for the powers of evil rather than good. Here are some shining examples of how
I’m wasting my 65 word per minute typing skills.
For my Movement and Motion Planning class I penned:
"The dialogue of the story depicts the unsettling and uncivilized continent of Africa. The wandering of the main character Marlowe, reflects how he changed his perception and outlook on cultured society versus the untamed world. "
Instead of writing about Sheldon’s near impersonation of a Lindsay Lohan panty flash at her Wedding Shower.
Or my rewriting of an employment cover letter for a
friend:
“I believe I would be a great fit as I have the
experience to effectively connect from a customer and contractor perspective.
While my inside sales background is limited, I have been actively involved in
undertakings that parallel these tasks. “
Instead of describing Bebe giving us a pole dancing
demonstration in the Bat Cave.
Or creative proposals for Endless Engineering to be
considered for big ass projects:
“Endless Engineering has a proven record of success
completing hundreds of miles of roadway projects through both public and
private infrastructure improvements across the State of Arizona. “
Rather than the new marketing chick who was more of
a penis hire whose previous experience was medical sales and Budweiser
promotion, fondly denoted as “Beer Girl”.
But my neglected followers, the end is in sight.
Mrs. Tuna and Sheldon will be graduating from Arizona State in a mere four
weeks. It’s down to one term paper, two exams
and a formal presentation of the horrors of Food Deserts and I’m all yours. While I’m not actually cooking due to my
crazed schedule, I will provide a bit of nourishment for your starving masses.
Pesto Sauce
2 cups fresh basil leaves (cheap date a Trader Joe’s)
Rinsed and dried
2 cloves garlic crushed
1 ounce pine nuts
2 ounces grated parmesan cheese
2-3 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper
12 ounces Pasta cooked per directions.
In food processor, add basil, garlic, pine nuts and
parmesan cheese, pulse for about 30 seconds. Keep motor running and slowly add
oil. Add to cooked pasta and toss to mix and serve hot.
Oh the places we will go in a few short days. All
the scoop on Sheldon and Brits wedding plans with crazy hair fascinators, the
adventures of Beer Girl with her manicured nails, and those whiny college punks in Ugg boots and
with shorts so tight you can see the outline of vagina lips. Admit it, you’ve missed my smutty ways. Good week peeps.
22 comments:
Go go go! The end, and return to us, is in sight. P.s. I can almost accept the Lindsey-esque flash, but cannot accept you as Mrs. Lohan!
Oh they all sound like great stories, guess I'll let my emagination fill in the blanks for the next four weeks ;o)
I had to read Heart of Darkness 3 times in the space of 18 months for 3 different classes.
I can't remember much other than "the horror. the horror".
I think they might have said that in the book, too.
Now I think you must have been talking to Sandra because I don't think I've been here before. I know I've seen your name on her blog. I totally would have remembered someone who could post a recipe of pesto, give a camel toe visual and STILL make me want to boil some noodles. Well done.
4 weeks is nothing... woo hop you did it!
Congrats are your pending graduation. We will still be here. We are always here. (:
Sooo close! But come on, give Beer Girl credit. I'm sure this could be on her resume:
[completing hundreds of miles of on the road projects through both public infrastructure and private after presentation parties.]
Holding down the smut till you get back : )
Yes to Party Flash. Yes to Pole Dancing. Yes to Beer Girl. A polite but politically correct, "No thank you," to the vagina lips (not that there's anything wrong with that).
Hooray for graduation and crazy fascinators (as opposed to "hats", horror of horrors of course!). Big boo(bs) for Beer Girl. Although, without doubt, she'll provide endless blog fodder.
Hang in there, you are so wonderfullly sweet, you won't lose any of us.
Happy thanksgiving, dear lady.
xo
I have definitely missed your smutty ways! And I can't wait until you are back on a regular basis. Good luck with the graduation - you are graduating too?
In the words of that guy who is always saying "You can dooo it" in those Adam Sandler movies, I want to say, you can doooo it.
Smut has been missing and recipes in the midst of same...unheard of any place other than here!
Can hardly wait for the return of your always awesome and fun posts!
ERMAGAWWDD!! You're about to graduate? Congratulations!!!!!! Just think, in four weeks you can finally tell those term papers and GPAs to KISS YOUR SNARKY BLOGGING ASS!
Being late to the party means there's only three more weeks to go. Enjoyed your poisoned pens, I could copy some of them, and your pesto dish too. Hi Mrs Tuna, formerly known as oceangirl, missing you :)
Wow, the end is in sight! This is beyond exciting!!!!! You'll be a big girl! :) Congrats, congrats, congrats.
Super excited for you guys!!
Wow, with your schedule, I'm surprised you have the time to log into blogger! I'm a slacker for no apparent reason...in no particular order..
Work, Family, Quilting, Facebook, Pinterest, Wine and Pets.
On the list, Wine should probably folllow Work!
Take care,
OH my gosh! You're on the home stretch! You're almost there!!!! GO GO GO GO TEAM TUNA!!!
Oh yes, I have missed you but it does sound that the end is near! It will all be worth it in the end:)
Look really great, love the first pic, thanks for sharing!
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