Thursday, March 10, 2011

Keg stands and Mammograms

Hello, hello, hello!!!! I have reached the halfway point in the semester, Spring Break and I’m like a Labrador puppy unrestrained from my crate. I’m so excited to be free I might even piddle on the floor. I feel like I’ve been neglecting all my followers, haphazard commenting on your posts, writing weak things like “good job, keep it up”, I know feeble. My last post regarding The Boy’s Birthday was dashed off only to meet the appointed deadline, just cribbing info from his Facebook page. But now Team Tuna, I will be dedicating this week to catching up with all of you, being witty and filled with snappy comebacks.



Attending school has certainly reaffirmed that being surrounded by girls in short skirts and Ugg boots with their naughty parts hanging out magnifies my muffin top. My sensible flat shoes clicking loudly in comparison to the soft soled Van sneakers of boys with pierced lips causing them move aside and call me Madam. Sh*t, when did I go from Miss to Madam, it happened in a blink of the eye. More importantly, remember when we were all a little creeped out by pierced eyebrows? I actually saw someone with pierced nipples, I couldn’t look away, and it was mesmerizing. Ouch, that’ll leave a mark.

Two of my classes are in king size lecture halls, I always aim for the aisle seat and in my anal retentive manner get there nice and early to ensure early boarding passes. But it also places me near the electrical outlets, one chick tried stringing her power cord across my chest in order to check her Facebook status, ah no, step away or I will b*tch slap you. I’ve been up since 4:30 AM and I’m mighty cranky.

I fortunately haven’t had any sobbing fests in the urban planning movie class, but did have one kid nod off and try and rest his head on my shoulder. I now spread my crap all over the chair next to me marking my territory, daring anyone to make me move it. The added bonus is it has also kept those coughing, hacking, phlegm and germy little slugs away. You’re all running for the hand sanitizer now aren’t you. This week lets aim for something a little less fast to make up for all the drive thru food.

Rock Cornish Game Hens
2 small game hens
1/3 pound ground sausage or pork
¼ cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic minced
2 cups Pepperidge Farm herb stuffing
¼ cup milk
Chicken Broth to moisten
½ rib celery chopped
½ teaspoon thyme
½ teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon basil

In skillet brown pork with garlic, onion and celery until meat is no longer pink. Drain off excess liquid. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Stuff hens and place on meat rack in shallow baking dish. Baste hens with butter and cover with foil. Cook in preheated oven at 350 degrees for 1 ¼ hours. Remove foil for last 15 minutes.

So while my little school chums are off to Cancun doing keg stands, I have scheduled myself for all those pesky appointments I have no time for. Hair cut, skin cancer check, pap smear and mammogram. I know, I can see your jealously, all sad and transparent. If I could have worked in a tummy tuck, I would have invited all of you over for body shots. Ah well, maybe next year.

53 comments:

Lisa ~Suburban Retreat~ said...

Sometimes it's so difficult to turn away from something horrific ... like a train wreck or maybe your photo in this post! Enjoy your spring 'maintenance' break!

The Zadge said...

I really wish the muffin top would come back in style!

blueviolet said...

I would rather have the cord than some nameless phlegm depositor's head on my shoulder, that's for sure! Glad you're in a bit of a break right now!

Heather said...

You know I have always thought about making a couple of cornish game hens. I think I wil go for it. (As soon as they go on sale.)
I wholeheartedly agree with the fact that hanging around with people who aren't fully grown amplifies real and imagined flaws in our own mind. So please keep telling them how it is and spraying them with Lysol!!

Katertot said...

I graduated from college 3 years ago. I was what they called a "nontraditional" student. What made me non traditional? The fact that I didn't have piercings, as you mentioned? Not sure - maybe it was the fact that my school bag doubled as a diaper bag. :)

Ahhh - this post brings back memories.

twelvedaysold said...

Nipple piercings. That's all I have to say.

KerrieLynn said...

Hi, I am hoppin’ through the “Boost My Blog Friday” blog hop and found you (I am now a follower). If you are able, I would love a follow back. Thank you!
~KerrieLynn ღೋ☙❤
KLsCupboard.blogspot
KLs Cupboard on Facebook
KLs Cupboard on Twitter

Krissy said...

You always leave great comments, for me anyway. I'm so glad I take online courses so I don't have to deal with the brats.

I simply LOVED this... "ah no, step away or I will b*tch slap you." Freakin' awesome!

TalkativeTaurus.com

Ms.Wasteland said...

Sounds like you have an exciting spring break planned. The upside is that you probably won't get arrested or come down with an STD while many of your classmates will do that and more.

Mamma has spoken said...

That is one ugly picture that makes you go Yuck! Maybe next year you can go somewhere fun and enter a wet t-shirt contest, get a tattoo, and have the guy who does Girls Gone Wild videos become your best friend.

AmberFaith said...

Newest follower from the Boost My Blog Friday hop! Would love for you to stop by and follow back! Have a great day! (:

Amber
http://beautifullybellafaith.blogspot.com

Sandra said...

I hear ya, I've been so busy with school too. I don't know how you find the time to do all of that, AND you blog AND you include a recipe with directions. I can barely follow directions never mind type them out and follow them, and eat somethign I've prepared from them.

dbs said...

Unless they're on your earlobes, nipples should not be pierced.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Piddling on the floor, huh? And over on my blog you were passing yourself off as an expert in holding it in for 5 days!!

I so admire anyone who seriously tries to study these days - it's incredible what passes for 'normal', isn't it??!!

Ami said...

Okay, the thing is, when a guy is built like that, you have to become very inventive with er, positioning.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Just sayin'.

Hope all your appointments are everything you've dreamed of, and that none of them involve anything unusually awkward.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Pretty soon those kids will know of a thing called Spanx to tame the muffin top.

Several years ago my S-I-L came home to find her living room and her antique tables had been turned into body shot central. Outcome = ugly.

Ca88andra said...

Thank goodness for distance education! I'm so glad I don't have to share anyone else's germs let alone mark my territory. Mind you, it would probably be easier to actually study if I had to attend lectures, rather than blogging at home...

SherilinR said...

have fun with all those body maintenance tasks over spring break. not exactly as much fun as drinking and wet t-shirts, but you won't be hung over & filled with shame at the end of it either.
sorry to hear you've got 2 dogs that aren't doing well now. and i agree with your comment on my page that knowing when to let your pets go, even if medicine could keep them around for a while longer, is important. it's hard to decide sometimes, but needed.

Mrs4444 said...

You have surely earned this break.I'm happy for you! You should at least do a shot (and I don't mean the immunization kind!)

Have a wonderful week! :)

Hilary said...

I had to keep scrolling back up and relooking at that picture.

The Empress said...

I know, and I wish I had words of consolation.

All I can is say this: "Ugg boots...when you're looking for the cankles that nature missed giving you."

doreen said...

OMGoodness you are funny today. That picture is ugg! This post really solidifies my fear for the future of our race..
Have a great weekend.

Stephanie said...

How I grimaced at this post’s photo! You seem to have a fascination with swimming. Thankfully we women have one-piece bathing suits and the marvelous invention of spandex to keep our bellies restrained…

I’ve been following the Primal Blueprint to lose MY big ole belly and improve cholesterol levels as you, my one and only loyal follower know – and it works. Check out the results if you’re interested. And not a vegetarian!

lovinangels said...

I totally rock the muffin top. I'm just sayin.

Carri said...

Mrs Tuna, you are sofa king awesome. Awesome, I tell ya!

Ellie-A Little of This and a Little of That said...

I'm your newest follower from Boost My Blog Friday Blog Hop. If you get a minute please drop by and follow back. Have a wonderful day!
http://alittleoftheother.com

Jessica said...

I'm on spring break this week too and I totally understand your happiness with a week off.

Mom Hearts Pinot said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this post!

julie gardner said...

I remember several spring breaks with hangovers so bad I would've gladly traded for a pap smear...

You are far better off than they.

Madam.

EmptyNester said...

I always put something in the chair next to me when I go anywhere just so no one can sit there. Invasion of my personal space could possibly result in the removal of someone's face. LOL Love the post!

Kelly L said...

I really love your sense of humor... I am amazed on what kids wear today - crazy.. I took my kids shopping today because I had a 30% Kohl coupon and could earn Kohl's cash... They no longer want regular shorts.. they want them that touch the bottom of their cheeks... What a headache...
Love to you.
I've Become My Mother
Kelly's Ideas
Amazing Salvation

ModernMom said...

So so glad you are getting a bit of a break!~
I remember the first time I was Mam'ed. Heart breaking! Now I say screw it and wear my skinny (stretchy to accomodate the mufin top) jeans and Uggs as I march around town, and when I get Mam'ed...I Mam em right back:)

PS Just so you know..your comments always make me smile!

Manzanita said...

Pierced eyebrows or nipples or pierced anything makes me wince. I don't understand self mutilation, but guess I don't need to either. Some things are better left a mystery.
Love and Peace

Romina Garcia said...

Awesome blog.
Following you now on GFC :-)

You can find me at:

http://rominagarciamartyrhood.blogspot.com/

Aunt Peg's said...

Hi there!
I'm sorry to contact you through a comment, but I can't find any other way to get in touch with you.
You won the cute recipe box set on our blog, and I would like to get it shipped to you. Please email me to auntpegs@gmail.com
Thanks and congratulations!
Amber

Anna said...

Hi!

I'm your newest follower from the Boost your Blog hop. You are so funny. Look forward to future posts!

Feel free to check out my blog here: http://inadaze13.blogspot.com/

Debbie said...

Yes, your spring break sounds eerily like mine! Hope it is a good one.

Lou said...

I loved the picture of you being christmas-tree decorated with a power cord... personal SPACE PLEEEESE!

I love you... your newest follower.
Lou

Facing50Blog.com said...

Great post-keep it up!
Haha!
Some days it is very difficult to stay in touch with everyone. This was such a fun post and I know what you mean about going from Miss to Madam in one foul swoop. As for muffin tops...every time I look at my son's girlfriend I suck in my stomach as much as I can and still feel like a hippo...sounds like you've got a wickedly exciting break lined up ;)

Camille said...

From Ugg boots, to muffin top to mammogram....goodness lady, you just know how to keep em rollin. I have found that with age comes wisdom, maybe next year you can actually take a Spring Break and go somewhere rockin.....like on a cruise ;)

Sarah @ Life as a Movie said...

Ugh, I felt that way among classmates DURING highschool, LOL. You are such an amazing person to do everything you do. And where can I find that hunk in the picture? LOL.

Jim said...

Mrs. Tuna, good to hear from you today.

Your classes sure sound interesting!!! Not to mention your classmates!!!

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I don't know, you make it sound so alluring I kind of want to go back myself ; )Tell you what. Next spring- I'll help balance you if you help balance me.

Marie said...

That picture made me crack up! I needed a good laugh, which your post certainly provided, since my thyroid is out of control and I feel like I'm running a marathon even when I'm not moving -- very strange and not fun -- bah!

I do and don't miss those days of being in school and reading your posts reminds of the parts I don't miss -- LOL!

And I really want to try the Cornish Game Hens -- those sound great!

Wombat Central said...

And how is it that you witnessed the pierced nipples? Wait--I'm not sure I wanna know. ;)

Last summer my kids saw a guy at the pool with pierced nipples. Try to get 5 & 7 year olds to keep their eyes and comments to themselves when they spot THAT! ;D

Young at Heart said...

game hens sound fun.........for years I thought a spatchcock chicken was a variety of bird!!

Pearl said...

My mother used to make cornish game hens and we were always thrilled to get our own little birds!

Pearl

Clare and Gary said...

Enjoy all those appointments Mrs Tuna.. cheer yourself by entering the Tim tam competition!... and Cornish Hens look tasty.. might try that!

Kristina P. said...

I would much rather have a pap smear than a dental cleaning!

Kernut the Blond said...

You and I could be twins separated at birth! I often attend these large motivational-speaker meetings in large halls. I ALWAYS get there early to grab an aisle seat, and take the seat next to me with my stuff. Territory. Mine. And don't touch me.

Laoch of Chicago said...

You should go to Cancun!

Marla said...

I haven't had pierced nipples since weaning my then 18 month old. The kid had major teeth going on.

jules said...

HA HA HA. I went back to college a few years ago and had to hang with the early twenties crowd and found myself with the SAME problems. They were so annoying and I found myself having to claim my territory. So funny!