Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Cool Girl’s Table

Sliding into week three at Arizona State has not made me spontaneously combust…….yet. But the semester is young. As with the first day of school last year I carefully scrutinized my horoscope in What's your sign my Little Zodiac Killer on opening day.

“Your interest may be impractical, and that is part of the appeal. Claim your right to your own wonderful nonsense.” WTF kind of advice is that for a Taurus? We don’t believe in nonsense, if we did we’d be farting out rainbows and unicorns.


As someone who is 49 and ¾ years old I have never felt as uncool and unhip as I have felt in the new semester. Is it the fumbling around in my sensible backpack for my fancy Walgreen’s reading glasses that causes them to give me such a wide berth? Literally in one class every seat was taken except for a four chair gap around me. What, bad breath or body stench? Do I remind you of your GRANNY OR SOMETHING?

In last week’s post I shared I was taking five classes, but I have a tiny declaration, one of them is a cheater course. I’m earning credit for Interning at my own job, snort really. Seriously, why can’t you take a little pity on me and give me life experience credit, I’ve earned it damn it. Basically I had to get my supervisor to sign off and answer a few irksome questions. Is this a paid job……um yes. And how much does it pay? Ummm….way more then you Mr. Professor. Another demonstration of how ASU can suck every last dollar from my sad empty checking account, this had followed the $780 parking pass purchase the week before. Here’s a cheap ass meal to feed those starving college students who might trip over my blog after a rousing game of beer pong.

Beef, Beans and Dumplings
1 pound ground beef
2 envelopes mushroom gravy mix
1 ½ cups hot water
9 ounces frozen green beans
Bisquick dumplings dough

Brown ground beef in 3 quart microwave dish, approximately 6 minutes or until meat is no longer pink. Drain fat. Stir in gravy mix, water and green beans. Microwave on high 8 to 10 minutes or until sauce thickens stirring occasionally. Prepare dumpling dough according to box directions. Arrange dumplings around top edge of casserole in a ring. Microwave on high 3 to 6 minutes or until dumplings are firm to the touch. The bigger question is are the frat boys smart enough to realize they need milk for the dumplings. Uh, no, I’m sure of it.

In most other circles I’m considered the hilarious fun person, life of the party, the chick who will wear the lampshade. You could learn a lot from me you young punks, maybe I’d even let you cheat off my paper, but not if you continue to call me madam. Just remember suckers, I’ve over 21 and can buy beer.

43 comments:

Suz said...

There is a marked dearth of clues among youngsters these days...

Kimberly said...

I just graduated with my bachelor's this spring. And I loved the non-traditional students in several of my classes. Whether they were continuing their education now that their kids were older or making a mid-life career change, they were more knowledgeable than most students my age (22), and they were MUCH more involved and helpful when it came time to do group projects. I wish I went to school with you; I'd totally sit next to you. Even if you have halitosis or B.O. Which I'm sure is not the case.

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Challenge them to an old fashioned game of quarters. It will confound them. Just imagine them trying to bounce their debit cards into a shot glass.

EmptyNester said...

Beer pong! Oh my girlies LOVE beer pong- AND they learned all about it in their colleges! Guess they really are teaching the same things they taught when I was there. LOL

Ami said...

I hereby admit you're a better person than I am.
I cannot imagine trying to go to school. With you know, actual classes and people.

::taking off imaginary hat and bowing to you:::

dbs said...

I spent some time on a university campus this summer. I noticed no one makes eye contact anymore, except with their phones or iPads. And yes, parking was insane.
P.S. As a Gemini, I do claim my right to my own wonderful nonsense.

Stephanie said...

lmao - oh you non-traditional students...

Kristina P. said...

I always forget how old I am, until I am brought back to reality by the teenagers I work with. I still think I'm fairly young, at 33, but I'm older than some of their moms!!!

LOLA said...

I would sit by you My Dear Mrs. Tuna, but the professors probably wouldn't like it. We'd giggle and disrupt the class because we know how ridiculous everything is. Thus, I hereby issue this edict to the students at Arizona State: Appreciate and love Mrs. Tuna. Give her the respect she is due because she is a great, funny person and one of these days she might be your boss.

Love,
Lola
Love,
Lola

LOLA said...

Oh goodness. I just love lola'd you twice. Maybe my subconscious told my fingers that you need extra love so here's one more.

Love,
Lola

Val Thevictorian said...

Kids these days! They act like old age is contagious. Not that you're old, of course. To these young whippersnappers, anybody over 21 is ancient.

The Zadge said...

I taught a college class last year and half of the students weren't even born when I graduated from law school. They didn't understand my Perry Mason reference either.

Clumsy Coquette said...

I love beer pong, so much fun! haha

Stopping by from the Say Hi Sunday Blog hop!

~your newest follower

You can find me at www.theclumsycoquette.com

Ciao Mama's said...

Oh man...give it time they will all get there and 40's are not old those are the new 30's...New follower from blog hop hope you can come by and visit my site.

Linda Medrano said...

I started college at age 30, a divorcee with 2 kids and I worked full time. I felt like a fool with the 18 year old kids. But I took my studies much more seriously than they did, and I was Deans List ever semester. I'm so impressed with what you are doing! You go, Girl! I"m so proud of you!

The Frat Pack + Me said...

You are a braver lady than me! I couldn't even handle it when I moved into the dorm my senior year and my freshman roomie wanted to borrow my ID.

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...

that is downright awful! I remember when I was in college (back in the stone age lol, actually in the 70s) there were quite a few people in my classes MUCH older than you!

We embraced them, helped them, learned from them and with them...sadly I think this might be a statement of our society today. Lack of respect for anyone older

Working Mommy said...

Colleges are definitely like the government - they only ever seem to want your money. The dish does look yummy - and cheap makes it even more appealing!

New follower!

WM

mmbear said...

I am a new follower from the blog hop and I am following you thru GFC. I cannot follow thru FB right now and its a long story so please check out my post dated August 20th on the Weekend Blog Hops. As soon as they take care of it I can follow. I will leave it up to you if you want to follow me now or wait until I can follow you first. Either way I understand. Follow what you can and I will be happy! Thanks so much and have a great day!

Mary@http://www.mmbearcupoftea.com

Cathy at Wives with Knives said...

Graduating from college in my 40's was one of the happiest experiences of my life. Tough to do with 3 young kids. I know darn well that some of the very young students thought I looked like the granny type.

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

You are awesome!
A few weeks ago someone called me "Ma'am." My pride was definitely hurt. Now I'll remember your last line though because I LOVE it: "Just remember suckers, I’ve over 21 and can buy beer."

Jojo said...

If you are 49 and 3/4, working, preparing dinner and going back to school, you should be getting brownie points. That's the bottom line. Who cares if all the chairs are vacant around you....brownie points!

oceangirl said...

You are funny Mrs Tuna. This is awesome, mostly because I am thinking of going back to school, to live back to the future!

I wish I could write like you:)

I Wonder Wye said...

Ye Gods, seriously, the parking pass is THAT much?? My mind boggles...I have the utmost respect for anyone over 30 going back to school. My brother is working full time and getting an MBA, my sister in law is almost finished with nursing school while surviving cancer requiring 2 surgeries, and taking care of her daughters newly found chronic illness. Makes me feel like a slacker...I will try that recipe...

I'm So Fancy said...

Whatever you do, don't start drinking wine coolers!

Pearl said...

Oh, I'm so envious! Back to school! I would love that.

Pearl

blueviolet said...

That credit for working course is awesome! I have to admit that I didn't like to sit by the older ladies in class either, but thinking back on it, I should have. They were the BEST students!

Mark Himes said...

I'm late, I know, sue me! But here's the deal, I've been on vacation again. Yes, you're right, I could have text in a message but I didn't. Okay already, I'm sorry! Geez!
Anyway, great post. One question. You're a Taurus? Me too. When's your birthday? I'll try to remember it. m.

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I am sincerely shocked you do not fart unicorns:). Luckily when I went back to school for a web/graphics design certificate everyone was my about my age. I have to say the instructor told us all we kicked some major ass compared to the young ones. I still can play a mean drinking game, too!

Red Nomad OZ said...

Haha! Must have been so satisfying to know you earn more than Mr Smartypants!!! And life experience is WAAAAAAY under-rated!

Hilary said...

Love the way you are getting school credit for your job! woo hoo!

Plain Jane said...

You kick ass for going back to school - who cares if there are some vacant chairs around you! But WTF is up with $780 for a parking pass??? I thought it was bad when I had to give my daughter $90 for hers...

Mama Spaghetti said...

Haha! I think it's awesome that you're going back to school.

But...that's like the most expensive parking pass I've ever heard of! What's with that??

Frogs in my formula said...

Mmmm dumplings.

You need a t-shirt that reads "You could learn a lot from me you young punks." I wish I were a t-shirt maker cause I'd whip you up one.

ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.com said...

What?! It costs that much for a parking permit? Ridiculous, indeed!!

And, school prepares you for the real world, which also sucks. But I'm sure you already knew that. Ha. :)

cajunlicious said...

I agree, Challenge them to an old fashioned game of quarters. Love the dumplings!

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

I thought my daughter's $130 parking pass was outrageous!

Mrs4444 said...

Such a different perspective...

BTW, good luck avoiding the Freshman Fifteen. :)

Oh, and one more thing--any chance I could get you to try out a bigger font? (Good thing I love reading your blog, or I'd have to give it up.) The font size on your About Me is great, but this one (because of the white on black, maybe?) is always a challenge for me to focus on. :(

Vapid Vixen said...

I would totally sit by you. Then we could talk shit about the rest of em. How lame all the hipster wannabe's are and how much more mature and sophisticated we are and call them sophisticated names like "twat" or "douche-canoe". Then we'll both demonstrate how we can fit an entire pool ball in our mouth. Oh yes. They'll be flocking to our table soon enough.

All Ears said...

Hi, I am following you from the Saturday Follow Hop. I am in your age bracket, and am trying to figure out my career. I went back to school about 12 years ago and can relate to what you are feeling. Have fun with it! I couldn't even use a computer when I went back! LOL!
I look forward to checking out your blog.
Mary Ellen
http://rabbitslippers.blogspot.com/
http://lovegoesonbereavementsupportblog.blogspot.com/

Sandra said...

Well, I would sit with you. Except you wouldn't be able to pay attention to the underpaid prof because I'd be texting you, "Hey! Wanna start a weekly meme or something? We should totally blog about this. Do you think this is blog worthy?" You'd get up and leave me...they all do...sniff...I attended my first "tutorial" this week for the class I failed last semester...talk about humbling, sitting there with all the eager 3rd year faces while I am of the 4th year variety who can't begin fourth year until this 3rd year course is complete. Actually, I think there's a blog post in here somewhere...

The Empress said...

You are so kick ass, and yes, I hear what you're saying.

I have become the old lady.

Incredibly enough, I have.

Thanks for always, your perfect timing, and letting me round out the 41 comments here to 42.

Things like that make my day, and I'm not even kidding.

High five.

Anonymous said...

What broad daylight isn't today?