Friday, June 29, 2012

Words with Friends

Things have been settling down in the hood allowing Mrs. Tuna to spend a little more time with her wine drinking peeps. She forgets how they make her laugh so hard that peach sangria shoots out her nose. Sacrilege, I know.  But let’s delve a little deeper into her drunken posse’s quirks and idiosyncrasies shall we?

Miss Anonymous and I go way back, pre kids, pre Bebe.  Way more um…. open than me. It’s not like I’m a prude or anything but she can make me blush all the way down to my lady parts. Not an easy task considering how smutty I can be with my VinoSlut and Vagina Aisle posts.  She and the Big Tuna used to work together and many a fine work happy hour we spent drinking cheap beer and appetizers.  I did make her flinch one time when I showed up at her house with Sheldon in tow for a kiddie birthday party. A week early.  The look of panic at the thought of 15 little girls arriving in the next ten minutes is one I have yet been able to recreate. But I made it up to her by introducing her to the 12 year old in the Cold Dark Wine Cellar.

I met C3 at work where we hid in the bathroom, standing on the toilet seats, at Giant Engineering during the massive rounds of layoffs. Surely they wouldn’t find us in here. She recently treated herself to a long weekend in New York City for a milestone birthday. Upon her first day back at the slave market, the ex husband started frantically texting her wanting to know if she’d seen their teen son, he’d found a giant bag of pills, and couldn’t get the boy to pick up his phone.  Her mind racing that her normally good kid was lying unconscious in his bedroom, she sped frantically the 50 miles home, burst through the door with ex in tow. To find him playing ear shattering video games with his buddies.    As his father confronted him with the danger of drugs, swinging the offensive Ziploc, C3 felt a pang a familiarity. The dreaded bag, was marked with careful instructions, take 1 tablet with water before meals.  Her handwriting, vitamins she’d bought for the kid. What drug dealer writes instruction on their heroin sales? Let’s just say her heart rate is finally back to normal 3 weeks later.

Bebe, my bestie. My sister from another mister. Bebe went through a long phase of teaching senior citizens aerobic classes. Made her feel like she made a difference and a free workout for her.  But those frugal sliver sneakers always paid her in exact change, $3 a class.  This results in shopping expeditions where it feels like she’s paying in stripper money.  Shake it Bebe, shake it, make those tassels spin. Ahem.  With a birthday of 9-1-1, bizarre things always seem to be happening to her. Recently,  she and her freshly shaven man Bubba went to a small wedding reception.  Upon pulling a piece of toilet paper from a nick, he began to gush blood and refused to head in because he didn’t want people “to stare at him.”  After much pleading, he sulkily made the rounds, as they headed back to the car, he admitted that all in all he had a pretty good time.  She suggested that next time he didn’t want people to stare at him he should pull up his zipper.

A new friend. Pippa is adorable, tiny perky, witty. We want to hate her but are powerless to resist. Met her at Miss Anonymous’ 50th  birthday bash.  Started comparing dating tips. Told her the success is dating someone with whom you have nothing in common.  Her response, maybe she should date her Brother-Husband.  Snort, funny girl. I’m sure she will merit her own post in the very near future.

Since it’s all about us girls, I picked a recipe from a previous Ladies Potluck bash.

Hot Crabmeat Appetizer
8 ounces cream cheese
1 ½ cup crabmeat, flaked
2 tablespoons minced onion
2 tablespoons milk
½ teaspoon horseradish
1/3 cup sliced almonds

Mix all but almonds, spoon into 9” pie plate. Sprinkle with nuts. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes.

Words, words, words. Was Team Tuna clever enough to realize that Wild, Intensity, Nurturing  and Elfin spelled WINE. 857 points for the Win!!!!!!


MOV said...

oh, Tuna, you and your drunken escapades rock my world! Muse has nothing on you!


Marianne said...

Sounds like a great bunch, and geez, I wish I cooked....

Anonymous said...

Just because you (and your dirty little mind) thought that the cordless wine opener I gave you was another type of cordless toy....I am thinking you should make yourself blush. well, that and the 50 Shades of Grey.
Ms. A

J.R. said...

Good friends are the best! Love your descriptions of your gal pals. We all need them in our lives, as they help make us sane, but are there for us when we are a bit INsane!

Pam Lofton said...

Friends make our world so much more interesting/fun/worth living, don't they? Can't wait to read a future post about Pippa!

Chris Dean said...

Your gang sounds like a ton of fun! Kinda makes me jealous, since my friends are pretty boring. But, then again, it's hard to convince cats to do much of anything besides scratch your thigh when you're not giving enough attention and purr...

Hilary said...

What a great crew

Laurel's Quill said...

You should try "Make up Scrabble" sister and I used to play it with my little make up words, but you have to give it a definition. We drove him crazy...actually, we were kinda mean, but he was smarter than us, so we had to get even!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like quite a crew! Friends are the wine that makes this crazy world livable!

Stacie @ Snaps and Bits said...

Wine peeps rule, everyone should have some!

Janie Junebug said...

Isn't it amazing how sometimes you want to hate someone, but the person is so nice and so much fun that you can't do it? I feel that way about a number of bloggers. I am NOT jealous of some of the people who would normally inspire me to turn into a green-eyed monster because I love them way too much.


Andrea said...

Oh the vitamins! Was she relieved he was already her ex?

Friends and chocolate...better still friends WITH chocolate (or wine)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mamma has spoken said...

It's those stories that will live forever in your circle of conversations, especially when someone new who hasn't heard them yet joins in.
Thanks for sharing the funny moments.

Kimberly said...

I'm still laughing about the zipper.
My friends cringed when I told them I blog beause they were worried that I would write about them.
Now they want me too.
This is a good way to introduce them...hee hee.

Nicki said...

And what kind of drug dealer only wants you to take one tablet at a time?

But I'm jealous of your peach sangria! Not the nose-shooting part. Just the peaches and alcohol part.

bettyl said...

If a friend can't make sangria come out of your nose, nobody can! Great post.

shrink on the couch said...

Can't decide what sounds more deelish, the crab appetizer or an evening with your girl pals.

Stephanie said...

LOL As always thanks for the real giggles and super yum tips for the kitchen! Off to look for crab meat!~

Jillian Nicole said...

Hi I am your newest member to be intrigued with your blog. I enjoyed reading your post and love the little tidbit of info you gave on your friends. Sounds like a lively bunch.
Looking forward to your next post and hope you follow back.